Hey guys, i need some advice on how to deal with peoples comments and attitudes towards me. Admittedly i do tend to over analyze situations, but being teased and stuff at work is unbearable and i dont want to fall back into the heavy end of my depression. :dry: Any one good with people skills who can help? hell anything at this point~ and its kinda hard to just tell people to back off because im Military and naturally afraid of talking to people in general. I fear criticism pretty badly lol. Rejection issues ! *Guilty* things I get made fun of for/or people say: My "masculine hair style"- I cut it down to a half inch in march - was past my shoulders The way i walk/carry myself My speech is very male oriented (dude, man,guys..ect) Fear of all girly things and being seen as weak Defensive nature because im paranoid everyone's judging me People talking about me *trying to be a guy* :eusa_doh: gossip about my sexual orientation, whats wrong me, me dating men as a cover up because im secretly a lesbian, stuff like that... .. The list goes on and on:bang: :***:
You are in a harsh environment to begin with, but I have found being "me" works best. Everyone knows my name as June and I have had no problem dressed as a male having those around me address me as June even in public because I am so comfortable being who I am that they don't seem to feel uncomfortable with me at all. Up to me being a 20 yo I tried to pretend to be a guy and I came off as a freak at worst, and at best a weird gay guy. It just made life miserable. Also they probably pick-up on your discomfort and think you may even come across as having something to hide giving them ammunition to taunt you, making you a logical target to them. Sometimes you have to shut them down which varies on the situation. This is a recent example from my life. (the first time in years dealing with the gay assumption) I have now lived in my first apartment for nine months now here in this huge city and have a man 20+ years my junior making doe eyes at me. His roommate who is 7 years older than him I caught putting him down making lewd suggestions of you can guess... The roommate had never met me at this point. I confronted him immediately and said "After Su----- D---- for 31 years, you would know if he had got something because you won't be able to wipe the smile off his face I'd have put there!" Now I am not a crewed person, but the roommate is and I knew I had to deal with the situation right then! Now strangely the older one has now become my friend too. He suddenly became the dick in the situation, which turned the tide for my friend and me naturally. Shortly being around me the roommate exclaimed "Your a woman!" in surprise because I reverted to being myself which he has had no problem excepting. Looking wrong is the hardest obstacle to overcome at times. Because I don't dress female anymore and he had never spoke to me, he assumed me to be a strange gay guy he has seen in fur last winter. When in reality I am a ex-wife middle aged woman who has partially raised two children and is a natural mother and homemaker. Now after hearing that story let me make this clear, all men in my life now are friends and when I do accept one sexually he will be in my age bracket and committed to me! I will deal with him tactfully if he finally does try to push the envelope beyond friendship. Know not all will accept you, those don't let bother you and enjoy life. I hope some of this makes sence, as it is hard to answer souch a complex question as each bully must be dealt with differently, but it does start with your reaction to them. June
WOW. That was pretty insightful June.... thanks for your opinion. I guess that sometimes i come off a little too strong because i am scared, and then also sometimes im too timid.. i get kinda of stuck thinking about how i should act, not actually what i want to respond with. as for just being myself....in a lot of way im afraid of what that means
Keep in mind if you are not comfortable with yourself, others will pick up the vibe and be uncomfortable around you. Also I have lots of military men in my family including a rude, crude Marine from Vietnam era who when I was younger loved to pick on me. Whereas when you are being yourself, genuine, comfortable, the vibe passes on to those around you putting them at ease. That is as close in writing as I can explain what that means. June
