This is the normal way of doing things, right? I'm usually seeing a couple of different people at the same time & always assume that they assume we're dating non-exclusively until we decide otherwise. I've never had any problems as a result of this, but I have a lot of friends who get upset when they realize the person they've been seeing is also seeing other people, even though they've never talked about being exclusive. I guess I'm just wondering what ya'll think- when you're dating someone do you assume it's non-exclusive until "the talk"? And would you prefer that someone told you if they were also seeing other people? (Considering I only have sex post-exclusivity, I didn't think saying I'm casually seeing other people was something I needed to bring up unless asked.)
Personally, I don't mind open relationships or polyamory. But to me it's official ones you see your partner(s) multiple times for dates and such.
I know it used to be, although I'm not certain it is anymore. I've only ever dated exclusively, so it's kind of hard for me to say. My first two boyfriends and I never had the exclusive talk, but then we never really needed to. With my girlfriend, I think the exclusive talk was included in the "Are we really going to do this" talk we had the day we started dating. If I was seeing someone who was also seeing other people, I would want to know. Otherwise, if I found out, I would probably feel like they were trying to hide it, even if we hadn't talked about being exclusive.
Putting aside the "open relationship" question (which is entirely separate from dating without commitment), the main issue is open communication. Some people (generally the clingy, desperate types) sometimes think they're heading toward a relationship if they have a second date with someone. Others are clear that it's open with no commitments until there's a discussion. In general, it's always respectful to tell anyone you are dating that you are openly dating and that, unless there's further discussion, there's no implication of commitment or exclusivity on either part unless/until both parties discuss otherwise.
Personally, I would be upset by someone dating multiple people at once, even if there were no discussion on being exclusive. Not that I expect a lifelong commitment after one date, but I don't see the purpose in dating multiple people at once. If you're only doing it to have fun then its easier to understand, but I go on dates to try to find a connection and meet someone I want to be with. I try to connect as much as I can and focus on the one person I am dating and then when I find out or realize it isn't working, then I will end it and focus on someone new. I think it is a little bit disrespectful otherwise. There will always be people around to date without the need to see them all at the same time. It almost seems like a competition or that the other person is waiting for it to not work when they can't wait a couple weeks or a few dates to go out with someone else.
I wouldn't be in an open relationship but thats just my taste. I think that you should talk to whomever your seeing to make sure both of you know the relationship isn't exclussive. that way nobody gets hurt.
The discussion isn't about open relationships. I wouldn't mind dating someone non-exclusively if we hadn't agreed on exclusivity. Makes sense to me. I don't expect commitment from someone I've been on a couple dates with, and I wouldn't assume we were exclusive unless we had said so. I would probably mention it if I were seeing other people, but wouldn't necessarily expect the other person to tell me.
Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups. Anytime you're about to start dating someone, you should tell the person about your sexual/romantic situation. There is no place for guessing and assuming, then someone getting hurt later.
If you aren't exclusive I don't think it's that weird, I just think that communication is important. If I started going on dates with someone, while I might get a little jealous, I would never hold it against them or be mad if I found out they went on a date with someone else before we became exclusive.
