This woman is the reason to my life being hell. Okay that's not quite true but that's how it feels. She is the reason for my parents' divorce, she's what's making me want to cut, she is the reason why I have cried every night this week because I miss my mother. My dad, his girlfriend, her daughter and obviously me too, are currently in Germany. Have been here since Wednesday. So my stepmother.... Well, obviously I never liked her very much because it's her fault my family fell apart. But this week really opened my eyes. She is anorectic and tries to make her daughter one too. "Don't drink sugarcoke at this time of the evening(8pm)" "This chocolate drink has 0,5% too much fat in it, you can't drink this" "Stop playing on your phone"(literally after two seconds)"STOP PLAYING DIDN'T I TELL YOU ALREADY!!!!" "where's mom?" "she's still trying to choose between some products because the other one has too much fat and the other has too much sugar" And, this daughter I mentioned that she has, is 10 years old and her hobbies include swimming, dancing and soccer. So no, there is NO chance she'd get even remotely fat. She also has to go to sleep at 10pm and if she's 2minutes late, her mom starts screaming and just being an ass. Today in the car I had enough, but shy as I am, the "worst" thing I said was that she was being a worse teenager than I am(she's 51 and I'm 15). She is always trying to boss me around like her daughter, but she is not my mother. She cannot tell me what to do. I know that sounds kind of childish, but I mean that it's really not her business what I do or don't do. If my dad agrees with her there's no problem but if dad doesn't care, she shouldn't either. I am not something she should be worried about. I am 15, I am not a child anymore. And truth be told, I am actually worried for my little stepsister's health in the future. Her mother keeps stressing her out, and driving her to the verge of anorexia. More than anything I want this bitch, this horrible human-being(if she can be called such) to see how terribly she treats others. I want her to see herself as her daughter sees her. Scary, angry and bossy. I want to go back home to my mother who doesn't make me feel fat and unwanted. I want to go back to feeling special and free, because being here feels like I was kidnapped and imprisoned. You may think I'm overreacting but this is truly horrible. I just want to go home, and fortunately that will happen I three days. But until then I will continue my life feeling trapped, unwanted, fat, like someone who does everything wrong.
Your stepmother sounds rude and horrible but you are the reason you cut. Not her. She doesn't grab your hand and force the blade into your skin. You are responsible for your own actions, no matter what. And I don't know your situation, but there's not just one reason parents split up. Your dad obviously left your mom for this girl, so he's part of it. Your mom agreed to the divorce, so it's her fault as well. There's no reason for blame in this situation. It happened. I grew up with an abusive mother, so I know how it feels to be put down all the time. Unfortunately, apart from moving to your mom's or talking to your dad (it might not help, but it's worth a try) there's nothing you can do except learn how to let it roll off your back, which isn't always easy. Forgiveness is the most important lesson I've learned in my life so far. I've been a bad person. I've put others down, lied, talked behind people's backs, verbally abused them, stole from them, hit them. The reason why I did all those things was because I was in a place of extreme suffering and ignorance, but ignorance was the biggest reason. I wasn't able to empathize with other people. I made myself feel like I was the victim, how could they do that to me? I wasn't thinking of everyone else as people with their own life, a home they went back to where they loved their baby sister or hated their abusive dad. I didn't think about why they treated me badly, so I just lashed out, convinced they were against me. In reality, very few people are actually aiming to make you feel bad. Mostly they are just lashing out because of stress or other problems of their own. It sounds like your stepmother is trying to hurt you and your stepsister (I may be wrong) which may be because of inadequacies in her own life (the part that doesn't include you). She may also be projecting her own insecurities onto you. So how did I learn to forgive? Well, I forgave myself. I remembered all those reasons I tried to hurt others, the suffering, the emptiness, the anger, the hatred, and now I just feel sorry for anyone who tries to put me down, because I have a small idea of what they may be feeling, and it's not good. Now all I can do is pray that someday they can learn to forgive and love and be happy. I'm totally at peace with myself and I hope someday everyone else can be too. In regards to your stepsister, I would talk to her and make sure she doesn't believe all those lies her mother is telling her. Tell her to love her body no matter what, and that it doesn't matter what she looks like as long as she's healthy and happy. Maybe tell her some of the things I said above, about possible reasons she might feel like this. I'm sorry you have to be in this situation. I know it's really hard, but in a few years you'll be out of there and you won't have to deal with her anymore.
