Confused is my word of the day

Hi there! This is my 1st post ever (in my life) about this kind of subject. I apologize for some possible language mistakes you may encounter. English is not my native language, but I'll do my best. I also apologize for the long post.

A little background on me, I'm Portuguese, I'm 30, single and I have a decent job. I've also never been with anybody yet, sexually speaking. But I want to change that, because I'm starting to loose my mind and we only live once.

The "coming out" subject is something I've been thinking a lot latelly, specially after I met this guy last week that completely made me irrational. Normally I'm a very rational person, very methodic and I've always kept a low profile. I suppose most of my friends are just waiting for me to come out to them. I'm sure most of them have high suspicions that I'm gay. I never had girlfriends, I rarelly talk about girls, although I can appreciate a woman if she is beautiful or sexy. Because beauty has nothing to do with sexual orientation. But I'm not a shallow person.

First, I'm thinking of coming out finally. I know hundreds of people and I need to be very careful with who I come out. I live in a somewhat closed-mind island, my family is well known here in my hometown and I can't just come out to everyone, that would be bad for them. I know, it's my life and I shouldn't care for these questions. But I love them and I want them to accept me naturally, not by force.

I'm thinking of coming out to some of my most inteligent and dearest friends, people that I already know they support gays, gay marriage and gay child adoption. At least two of them I know I can trust with that. But obviouslly it's still hard.

But this is not why I'm here...

Last week I attended a series of intensive workshops where I met a wonderful group of 13 nice, smart and intelectual people, all from different professional areas. One particular guy came to my attention. A small thin guy with very beautiful blue eyes and full of style. He is a designer, a skater, surfer and seems to have a very open mind. At first look I thought (or wished) he was openly gay, because I was already completely in love and knew this was going to be a rough week for me. Anyway we all presented our business ideas and had to form groups with eachother. I already had my group with a girl that I work with but no one could be left alone. He ended up joining my project. How happy I was! We started making connections on Facebook and I found out that we had more than 50 common friends, some of them are great friends of mine.

I didn't want to have any expectations. Since my professional background doesn't "allow" me to have stereotypes, I was sure we was just a guy full of style. Designer with a nose piercing, skater, surfer, really good looking. I was sure he was not gay, just full of style. But things started to get weird.

Everyday we sat next to eachother and from time to time our arms or legs would touch, sometimes for a few minutes. And he would lean over my shoulder when he talked to me. When this happens (touching arms or legs) with some friend of mine, the normal thing I do is to move away, because it's usually unconfortable for him. I also normally apologize when this happen. But not this guy. Neither I or him would move away. And then when he talked to me oh my good the way he stares into my eyes. And I couldn't look away either. No blinking, just deep staring. With all my friends I usually look in the eyes, but this was different. I've never felt this way just by looking to someone. Completely immersed in that blue ocean. But I still don't know if he's gay. Only one time he said "that girl is very cute". Thing is, that girl really was cute, she was a beautiful Lithuanian also participating in the workshops. I wish I said that he was very cute too on that moment, but I didn't.

Long story short, the workshops have ended and I now am living in my hometown 25 km away from his hometown. It's close, I know. He sent me a facebook message 2 days after the end of the workshops asking If everything was ok with me. But he didn't talk much, just some casuals questions.

I feel completely stupid when I'm around him, very anxious. I've never felt this way. And I hope he sees that. But most of all I don't want to screw up my new friendship in case he is not gay. I need to speak with one of our common friends to ask him if he knows he's gay. Of course I will also have to come out for the first time to be able to ask him that lol so this is not something particularly easy.


This guy I'm in love with is "new" here. He's from here but just came back from a different country. He also said he usually kept a low profile. Does that mean what I want it to mean?

I don't want to sent him messages so he may think I'm paranoid, but I also don't want to loose this opportunity in case he's gay.

I'm so confused right now. I think all the signals he sent me (talking close to me, hands arms and leg touching) may all be false. I really don't know. I'm not a feminine gay but I tried "my best" to show him that I am gay. I had a different approach with all the other guys there, clearly (or not lol) straight. All married or with girlfriends.

Sorry for the long post, this was my first ever. You don't need to give me advice, I think I just wanted to speak to someone, even if it's in the virtual world. But any advice will be most welcomed!

Btw great forum, lots of info a great stories here ;-)

 

Thanks! Yes, it really does feel good :icon_bigg wish I've done this earlier in my life.

I feel that I could come out to him, but it's very risky. I've only socialize with this guy for 8 days. But I know I'll probably be seeing him a lot this summer. Everybody goes to every summer festival here, and since it's not a huge island, chances are I'll be seeing him soon. At least I know he'll be attending one particular festival in August, the one me and some friends organize. I want to know him better. I need to know if he acts like that (those mixing signals) with his friends.

This, this is something that I really need to do.

Thanks for your advice @resu Have a nice day

 

"Good news everyone!" I'm going to see him faster than I thought lol We talked today and I think I convinced him to come to a big party that is going to happen next week here in my hometown. At least I can get him a free ticket. At this point I'm just going to try to know him better. At least I feel pretty darn well with myself when I'm with him and I want to enjoy that.

 

This will be my latest reply about this thread.

Last weekend we met in a music festival here and it was the first time we talked outside of the workshops we both attented. He showed me his true self. He's not shy like I thought he was. He just had his "formal" persona on. He's an amazing guy, very funny! He's also very hipster, and I think that is the part I fell in love with. But I'm sure he's not gay, maybe Bi. But he talked a lot about the girls around us and was trying to flirt with them.

Anyway, I prefer to have him as a friend, since he's very inteligent and funny and I might have to work with him in the near future.

But because of him I''ve started taking more risks. I've started talking with other gays in online dating sites. I know those places can be dangerous, but I've already been warned. But I've met a really nice guy that lives close to me. He's a bit older than me (14 years older) but he is very polite and clearly inteligent. He gave me his phone number so we can talk more privately. He's a business man and also teaches. He doesn't want to exchange photos, he says he likes to take that risk. He also lives alone.

At this point two guys already told me I need to invert my priorities at the moment. What I need now is to explore my sexuality. Coming out is secondary. I need to feel confident to come out. At least confident in sex I guess. After that I'll see.

I'm feeling pretty happy these days. I know I'll eventually want to meet this guy. But I'm terrified with the idea that he may not like me because of my appearance. He seems not to care with that, but my rationalized mind is starting to piss me off about that lol.

Yeah, I know. I need to take risks. He has experience, and I suppose that's a good thing, althought he told me that sometimes that's not very significant.

I'll let you know how did it go.