Worried my boyfriend doesn't find me attractive

As someone who once struggled with extreme self-consciousness regarding body image, I can tell you that I know exactly how you feel. I would over analyze every little move which would make me feel awful after. In your case, over analyzing is normal as he hasn't had an open attraction to another guy, and you don't know what to expect. The first thing I want to say is that if someone doesn't like you for your physical appearance, then he or she is not worth your pain. This goes for gay crushes and straight crushes. But since he's been your good friend, I doubt that his attraction is hanging on physical features alone. He feels close to you emotionally and is willing to take it further. That, to me, says enough.

I don't want to play the age old game of "Gay or Nay?", but it seems that this guy has some serious physical attraction to you. In my experience, not many straight guys would be willing to have a thing with another guy (let alone make it public) if there wasn't at least some physical attraction.

My advice to you is to first try not to worry too much about it. It's much easier said than done, but just keep it in mind that he is willing to put himself out there and come out of the closet to be with you. I also recommend you flat out talk to him about it. I already know you have enough courage to do so seeing as how you told your "straight" friend how you felt. Even I couldn't do that with a gay friend I had been on a couple dates with. Ask him how he feels about all this. Tell him that you want to make sure he is comfortable with the relationship you've developed. Tell him that you care about him and you don't want to put him in a relationship (or "a thing") if there is no attraction.

There's no right way to go about this. I've always found that things tend to fall into place. I really do wish you the best of luck, and keep us updated on how it all goes!

 

How many straight guys would say "I love you" at night? Not many. Just saying.

 

This guy very obviously likes something about you. You stood out to him among tons of other guys. You were special enough to him that you were his first real same-sex relationship. You are someone he says I love you to at night. That has to count for something.

As for the body issue, like I said, I've been there. The constant fear that the person I was talking to wouldn't want to date me over my appearance really hurt my self esteem. Coming from personal experience, I found that I wasn't comfortable with myself yet. It took a long time for me to get comfortable. I guess my question to you is why you hate it? Do you hate it because you don't like the way you look and/or feel? Or do you hate it because you don't like how others will see the way you look? I am going to save you from an entire speech, but I will say that your appearance should make YOU happy. Not your family, not your friends, not this guy. I know, I used to hate it when people just told me to love the way I look, or to be proud of my appearance. I hated it because you can't instantly love something you hated with a snap of the finger. It takes time.

My post boils down to two pieces of advice:
1) This guy has feelings for you. There is no doubt about that. He likes you for what matters: the emotional connection he has with you. And he admitted it to you. Whenever you start to feel self-conscious, just tell yourself that. Your physical appearance doesn't matter to him. He "like you more than [he'd] like to admit."

2) If you do find that your body image makes you uncomfortable and unhappy, try to change it. I know I will get backlash for this, but make changes to your appearance that make you happy. Buy an outfit you love. Get a haircut that is both manageable and makes you feel sexy. Do things to make you feel good about yourself and the hate will fade. But as I've mentioned, it will take time.

P.S.
People can be attracted to vastly different things. I knew a guy who preferred built men and a guy who preferred larger women. Even though you may find it unattractive, he may find it absolutely gorgeous. I can personally vouch for people who are attracted to a lot of body hair and masculine-looking feminine-acting men :roflmao:

 

I'm actually feeling the same way, except I feel like he doesn't like me in general as much as I do. Best of luck for when your boyfriend meets you OP!

 

There is such a thing as sexual fluidity. According to what you've written, it seems that he likes you and feels at ease in your presence. Even if he is not "that into" guys at this point, he may gradually develop a desire for your body as you get more... familiar. Of course, there should be plenty of things you can do to please him in such a context.

However, it's also possible that he's "mostly straight" and feels it's easier to get emotionally intimate with you than girls. Not to mention he could simply be flattered by your relationship and will eventually lose interest.

Maybe you can try to avoid getting emotionally invested until you are sure he really likes you, or not. It could develop into a beautiful thing, or he could be using you for emotional validation.

That said, I wish you well

 

If I'm not mistaken his sexuality is not the main issue here but rather your low self-esteem and I totally get where you are coming from. Even though he does find you attractive, you want constant reassurance.

To love someone though is more than being physically attracted to that person and seems like this guy does love you. If a relationship is mostly spent on being worried that the other party doesn't love them physically/emotionally then I don't think it's going to work out.

I think it's a good way to be honest with your boyfriend. Talk to him and though this can be quite scary for you, remember that communication is part of being in a relationship and that means opening up to him.