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When's the right time to ask him to move in?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Justabutt, Jul 9, 2015.

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  1. Justabutt

    Justabutt
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    so I met my current boyfriend on ******* and we've been together for a out 2 months now. He lives about 2 1/2 hours away, which makes it difficult to see each other on a regular basis. He rents a bedroom from an elderly couple in a luxury neighborhood for about 500 a month. I live in a one bedroom condo in San Francisco.

    The thing is it has been awfully strangling to commute the three hours~ both ways. Often times we have to spend the night when we visit due to the drive. He's made an effort to visit me at least four times a month, I sometimes get to go out to his place but due to him living in another couples home it makes it quite hard.

    He's expressed how he wishes he could just come home and snuggle up with me more, he vocalizes he misses my cooking (he doesn't know how to cook well, so I often ensure he eats good food when here), and often vocalizes how bored he is as he knows no one in Sacramento. So thing is he'd have to give up his job and security to be able to move out with me. I'm not sure when the right time is to ask. I know this is a special case due to distance, which strains our relationship at times. When is the right time to ask someone to move in with you when distance burdens the relationship?

    I know this is soon - it wouldn't be too hard to find someone from ******* here but he's the first boy to actually make me laugh, enjoy our dates and genuinely crave him. Out of the two moths we've dated, we've only slept together three times. He's a gentleman and craves my affection more than other guys I've ever met online (aka he's not using me for a hookup!).
     
    #1 Justabutt, Jul 9, 2015
  2. Sek

    Sek
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    I'm in a pretty similar situation to you. I'm dating a guy who I have to commute for around 90 minutes to get to. We're coming to being together for 8 months now and moving in is something that I've spent time thinking about considering it would be of benefit to both of us.

    However, after some thinking I started to realise how our relationship dynamic did not reflect how it would work living together. I made a post on my blog (which you can find on my profile) entitled 'changing the relationship dynamic' about this which you might find beneficial to read.

    To sum up my thoughts about this, I think the right time to ask him to move in is when you know that you are both ready for it. You are in a relationship where things are so fresh and exciting, and being away from each other for so long helps it stay that way. Simply, you don't get tired of each other. How do you know things will work long-term when you've never tried it before? You could be jumping in at the deep end a little too soon.
     
    #2 Sek, Jul 9, 2015
  3. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    Moving in together is a big decision for both of you and it's something that both of you must be fully signed up to. It's not something you should do on a whim, or to save money, or even for the sake of convenience. The only way to go about it is to think things through first and to have a good talk about it together. One thing is certain, moving in together will not necessarily make the relationship work better.

    In the end you will have to trust your instinct, but if it feels like you are rushing or if you are not sure you are ready, don't do it. Ask yourself if you would be contemplating this now if he lived much closer. The stability of your relationship should be the greatest consideration in all of this.

    Over the long term, what do you both want or expect from your relationship? Are you both on the same page?

    If you move in together, who will pay for what? Who will do the chores.. the cooking and cleaning? This all needs to be discussed in advance because money issues and division of household responsibilities can break a relationship.

    You also need to consider what will happen if it doesn't work out (he does too). Who will get what in terms of money and possessions? You may prefer not to think about all of this, but there is a reality to be faced.

    If you move in together you will both need to work at it too. At first it can seem wonderful to be living together, but when you get into the routine and mundanity of life it requires much more effort, so do bear that in mind.

    A bit of food for thought.
     
    #3 PatrickUK, Jul 10, 2015
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