So I grew up in a Christian household. But to me my religion has never felt shaming or judgmental... unless I talk to my mom about anything ot do with sex, sexuality, or gender. I grew up in believing that we should love everyone and let God do the judging, but I mother has too many hateful opinions I feel like I am trapped in this box of who she wants me to be. I go to school at a Jesuit Catholic university and they are so accepting of any lifestyle, so long as you are a good person. And that is the kind of religion I believe in but when I talk to my mom about it she gets upset and tells me I'm staying from the faith. At many times I feel like this struggle with my sexuality has helped me grow closer to my faith because I have looked for answers and explanations that God didn't screw up my brain when He made me and that He loves and and accepts me for who I am. I feel like my mom is ruining religion for me, but that doesn't seem fair because even though we say we follow the same faith, we believe different things and that tears me apart.
Catholics are notoriously fickle: here, in Jersey, the Monseigneur is extremely open-minded and incorporates science and stuff into his faith; in other places, they're really narrow-minded and closed off from reality. While I'm an athiest, my family are like you, relaxing and will accept only the 'right' and positive things about the faith. They're really supportive! If you want to be Christian, there's nothing stopping you. Leave the negative, pessimistic bits to your mum.
It sounds like you may need to limit discussions with your mom if they aren't productive. The Catholic church is really big, but unfortunately the most conservative members seem to be the most vocal in their opinions. You just have to keep hope and also look to the more tolerant members of your religious community for support. Try to look into any LGBT Catholic associations at your university, also.
Jesuit Catholic schools can indeed be very accepting and affirming. I'm glad that your school, at least, is offering a really positive point in the process for you. If you haven't already, in addition to LGBT organizations on campus, try talking with some of the faculty or affiliated clergy - they may be able to point you towards other helpful places in addition to the school itself.
You should believe whatever you feel like, and religion shouldn't be a battle between you and your mom. I hope you figure things out!
Christianity encompasses people from all backgrounds and walks of life in many different denominations. Some denominations are very conservative or evangelical, while others are liberal and tolerant. Within Catholicism you have a mixture of conservatives and liberals and it's exactly the same within my own denomination (Anglicanism). Unfortunately, you don't hear much about the liberal and tolerant people/congregations, because it's people at the extremes of Christianity that receive the most attention, even though they are not representative of the majority. It's these same people who provoke the fierce debates that turn so many people away from religion altogether. You seem more grounded in your faith than your mom and if you are "straying", so is everyone at your school (by her standards). It simply can't be true that everyone who doesn't subscribe to a narrow and conservative viewpoint is lost and backsliding. In the gospels, Jesus reserved his greatest disdain for the Pharisees who rigidly applied the letter of the law in complete ignorance of the higher message. I think there is something rather significant in that. Don't lose faith.. you are on the right track.
Don't let your mom dictate what you believe in. I'm glad to hear your university is accepting. I grew up in a Catholic household and while my area is not at all accepting, I still consider myself as such. I don't like saying it, but I'm not sure how likely it is that you'll be able to change your mom's mind. I agree with resu, you might want to limit the conversation with your mom and look towards others for support. Maybe if she sees you reconciling your faith with your sexuality, with time she'll come around.
Always keep in mind your walk with God is between the two of you, not any human on earth, you and the Father! Keep your faith and take the good parts taught by other humans (mom, dad, preacher, etc) and filter the things out that you don't feel are right. How do you know if it is right or wrong if you don't instantly know? I either pray about it, check my bible, and if all else fails ask questions of others as you have done here and filter out and use what feels right to you. Happy Wishes, June
Hi, being a christian doesn't automatically make anyone perfect! Your mum seems to have lots of conservative ideas that aren't either charitable or open minded. It doesn't mean she isn't pointed in the right direction at heart. Maybe she'll come round to acceptance in time. Maybe its just too big for her to get her head around right now. Limiting your topics with her could be a good strategy. Maybe its not up to you to change her - even though you are both suffering because of the differences in your relationship. A good book that debunks some of the fundamentalist misconceptions about the Bible is "Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism" by John Spong. He was an Episcopalian (Anglican) Bishop. All the best - stay true to yourself and your faith.
