I need some advice, or rather, some encouragement to follow through with this. Let's do some back tracking. First and foremost I have officially been out of the closet for an entire week and a day! Coming out was not a glamorous thing for me though, and it wasn't something that I planned to do when it happened. I just graduated university in May and live with my parents right now in a very small town until I am able to find employment in the city and move there. I have been dating my current boyfriend for quite a while, and he lives in the city already. I try to visit him twice a week as it is about an hour drive. Last weekend I was going to spend the night, and because at that point I was still in the closet I told my family I would be staying with one of my friends. After being careful for so long I slipped and liked a picture that he posted of us together on social media, my aunt found it, and sent it to the entire family. I was called to come home and when I got there my parents were furious and questioned where I had been. I knew that I had no other choice so I just essentially told them that I was gay and I had been with my boyfriend. My dad went into a raging fit about how no son of his was going to be gay, and he said many many other terrible things until I basically just said that I was going to bed. I went to my room, shut the door, and didn't emerge once the entire next day. My mother did come and check on me every once in a while but other than that I had no contact from anybody else in my family. There is a lot of boring hiding in my room from embarrassment for the next few days so we will skip that but to this point neither my father nor my brother have spoken to me since. Me and my mom are okay with each other, but she doesn't agree with it. My grandmother tells me that she believes that God is going to fix everything. I don't feel happy at home because of these circumstances. My job hunt is proving to be a little more difficult because of these strains at home now and also because I live so far away. My parents know that when I find a job I will be moving into an apartment in the city. Here is the part that I need some help with: my boyfriend has more than offered that he would be happy for me to move in with him and has even said that his boss, whom is also gay and wants to help, would give me a job that pays well working a few hours a day so that I could have some spending money until I am able to find full time employent. I think this would be a great opportunity seeing as I would be closer to him, and closer to the city where I can find a job easier. The problem is that I don't know how to go about it with my parents, and what it will do to our relationship. I could pretend to go on an interview and then a little while later get the "job offer" to work at his bosses' company, which would help a little with them knowing that I have a job, but I'm afraid how they will deal with me moving in with my boyfriend. I'm not going to be able to gloss over that fact. In my opinion I think it will be best for both myself and my family, I won't have to deal with the hate and they can have space to come to terms with it. At the moment I go visit him twice a week and they have no clue where I'm going or who with, and I just feel like if that continues things won't get better. What bothers me the most is that I am a 21 year old college graduate, and my parents still have this much control over me. I just don't know what to do. I want to do what is best for me, but I also tend to be very concerned with hurting those around me too. Does anybody have any advice for this situation?
I think you've already got it laid out right there. Ask your boyfriend to set up a meeting with his boss so that you can get the job offer confirmed and then move. Are you going to let the opinions of your family dictate the rest of your life? If you don't move in with your boyfriend now and want to in a month, six months, a year and they still don't approve, are you really going to stay with them?
Hello Tiger I agree with Aspen, you have a fantastic oportunity here, don't let it pass by. It's not you who is in the wrong here, it is those who have brainwashed your family. Good luck.
well my thing is this. since the aunt spilled the beans on facebook, and you told them that you were with your boyfriend anytime you leave the house for an extended time, they are going to assume you are with him or harrass you about your comings and goings. i think eventually they will try and ban you from going to see him or set up some ultimatum that if you chose to see him, then you may not live in the house at all. given these circumstances, i would just move. i typically would not recommend living with your boyfriend because what if that goes south, then what are you going to do? but in this case, i think eventually the family will put so much pressure on you that you may feel like you need to leave their house anyway. since you said you will tell them your'e living with the boyfriend anyway, i dont think you need to tell them that the boss at the new partime job is the real boss. just tell them you found a part time job in the city and you can be closer to the city so you can look for other jobs. they dont need to know that the boyfriend works there too. you're 21. you're going to be moving out of the house anyway. if you got a job in the city, you would have to move out or get a roommate anyway, so basically you're just starting that earlier than planned. i would bounce if i were you. you need a safe place to feel ok about yourself. and lets' face it, you driving back and forth to visit the city and the boyfriend. its getting old now. the jig is up. you've been found out. so just let dad and baby bro deal with it and go have fun with your boyfriend. but i would still suggest getting your own place if you can once you get a job. you dont want to be in a situation where you are dependent on some dude for your housing. 21 is young to be living together as well in a relationship. that like a marriage and you're just entering into your own adult identity. live with the boyfriend until you can get a job. then get your own place with or get a roomie and then you can be independent in case something fizzles out. cuz you have to take care of yourself since your family is tripping. also reduce the family down to acquaintances on facebook so they can't see all your pics and info or just remove them. the aunt was wrong for that.
