Hello. Thank you for taking the time to read/respond. My current BF (45) and I have been together exclusively for about 18 months. We met 10 years ago through a mutual friend. We had one evening of fantastic sex about a year after we met. When I wanted to pursue the relationship, he told me he was bi-sexual and broke things off. As difficult as it was for me to hear he wanted to end things, we remained friends. (I had bi-sexual experiences so I wasn't freaked out or anything- he just didn't want to pursue anything with me. He had recently split with his live-in girlfriend) Fast forward several years------ We started a casual relationship, spending more and more time together. We discussed the fact that he had a few different sexual experiences with both men and women. I had not had a sexual experience with a woman for several years but I still ok with our arrangement. After several months however, our time together diminished and we were 'just friends' again. About 6 months later, he called and came over. He told me he loved me, had made a huge mistake, and wanted us to be together as an exclusive couple. I am crazy about this guy so I said yes. After a few months I asked him if he still wanted to be with men and he said he thought it was just a phase he was going through, no he only wanted to be with me. With in a year he told me he wants to marry me. Recently our sex life has diminished significantly. (I am HIGHLY sexual, prefer it every day. He can go weeks without. So I spend a lot of time taking care of myself. I would NEVER cheat on him.) When I asked him about it, he says its just the stress in his life. He went to the dr and his testosterone is actually a little high, everything else is spot on so no physical health issues. Not that I think this matters at all, but he does NOT come across as feminine or metro-sexual. He IS very charming and good looking, has tons of male and female friends. When he was younger he was kind of known to be a 'player'. On the flip side, there is plenty of both straight and gay porn on his computer. Last week I was out alone and several of his friends came into the bar I was at. As the drinks kept flowing, some comments were made in jest regarding the fact that when they had met my BF 15 years ago, they thought he was gay. This upset me considerably. I'm worried his declaration of love to me could possibly be because he is wanting to make sure none of his friends/family think otherwise I very softly and kindly asked him if he still has a desire to be with men and he became pissed. He told me no and 'I've heard this before' and has basically given me the silent treatment for 4 days (we do not live together). The thing is, IF he is bi-sexual, I am so crazy in love with him, I would be willing to have an arrangement so we could both be happy and still together. If he is gay, I would be willing to figure that out as well, as I want this man to be happy. I would prefer it was with me, but honestly, his happiness comes first for me. I'm worried he just doesn't know how to come out. His family would NOT be supportive and his friends would freak out. I don't know how to talk to him about this without ruining our relationship and possibly our friendship. (How crazy is it that I could handle him having a sexual relationship with another man while with me or not but not with a woman?) Any advice you have is welcomed. Thank you in advance.
If it's okay with you, I'm going to move this thread over to the "Family, Friends and Relationships" subforum. I think it's probably better suited to your question, and hopefully you'll be able to find more views and advice!
my thing is i think you should date someone that is totally into YOU. he seems conflicted and ultimately although he loves you, you may not be enough for him. who wants to be in that situation. if you do, go for it. but odds are you dont since you're asking the question here. find someone that comes from whatever background but knows they want you and you are enough.
Spartan 117, yes of course ---------- Post added 13th Jul 2015 at 06:14 PM ---------- Time for change- I think you might have missed the point that U am in love with this man. His happiness IS my happiness
I agree with timeforachange. Especially since his family and friends wouldn't be as supportive as you are to him, he's having trouble/is conflicted about which one he is. The fact that you still love him no matter what is awesome. But if he's not willing to be true to himself and if and i say IF he is only using you as a cover up to look straight for his family and friends, then that wouldn't be a healthy relationship in my eyes.
