She's "not as loving as me"

I was in almost the same situation a few weeks ago, so I can understand how you feel right now.
Out of my own experience I strongly suggest to find a therapist and just start talking.

It will not solve everything instantly but it can be a tremendous relive to have someone to speak to who is not judgmental.
If you need someone to speak to feel free to reach out.

 

The first thing to keep in mind is that this is still new. And in general this sort of thing always tends to be more difficult at first. I think the good thing here is that so far as these types of discussions go her reaction is definitely not the worst I have ever heard.

Second, usually, even in cases where the spouse is just all kinds of angry, hateful, crazed, vengeful, violent, really flying off the handle most of the time they don't stay that way forever and the situation over time improves. Now I'm not saying that means they come to accept it and the relationship continues, only that after some hard stuff most, not all but most do seem to manage to find someway to eventually be civil.

While I have seen some cases where the partner was so bitter that they remained awful, stayed that way for decades very few people, fortunately, have the kind of psychology it takes to stay embittered, embroiled in conflict, engage in open warfare hostility for any kind of serious, protracted length of time.

It does happen but usually if a couple genuinely cares for, has feelings for each other even if the relationship doesn't last they some how manage to work through whatever it is they need to work through and then find some way to remain friends.

Also I've seen cases where the wife though initially taking it nowhere near as well as your wife has eventually wound up much to everybody's surprise staying with their partner. I've also seen it where the couple divorced but later got back together.

Yes that is rare but the point is it's too soon to tell what is going to happen. At this stage everybody is still reeling, you've got to give it some time. And you definitely don't want to be making any rash decisions now based on only what you think might happen. Let the dust settle.

Another thing you have to consider - you have children. They need you, they depend on you. I have known people whose parents committed suicide and it was terrible for them. Our, actions, our behaviors have repercussions, consequences for others. You might feel low now but do you really, long term want to do that kind of damage to your boys? Of course not.

Believe it or not families can work through this stuff. It might take time, it might require getting some outside help, it might test your patience, try your nerves, challenge your resolve but if determined you can make it and get to the other side.

It would be good if you could get some outside help and support for yourself. A lot of couples who go through this type of thing find couples, individual and family therapy helpful. The main thing is no matter what you to are going through you have to find a some way to work through it that isn't damaging to your kids.

While I don't know that the relationship will survive I do know that even if it doesn't she can get through it, you can survive it and most importantly it doesn't have to become some kind of toxic thing for the children.