Hi guys, I just want to air this idea out, and try to form it in words and see what anyone else thinks. I've been totally in love for around 4 years now, with a younger guy. We've had our fights and we've had our awesome times, although I think for most of the time the expression of love is only from my end. Still, if you are to love someone truly, you would love all of him, not just the parts you like, and I loved his inability to express affection in a way i wanted him to. in only a few occasions, like a few months ago, did I get that from him. That time he totally blew me off on a weekend, and I got bummed. he knew, to my surprise, that this upset me so he just came to me on my bed and put his head on my shoulder and snuggled. that was exactly what i wanted, and I was really content. Usually though, he wouldn't express any of that, we were basically friends that did things together. Lately he has been exceedingly irritable and it reached a point where he would yell at me for reaching out to him or trying to put my hands on his shoulder. I then discovered he was chasing some girls around and got laid a couple of times, and it hurt so much. Still, even then I was letting it be, again, if you love someone then love all of him. that's the kind of stupid dedication I had. I was just so invested, years of knowing nothing else. It reached a point of total separation, and now we don't talk. It hurts like hell but now I find myself wondering, was he straight all along ? the age difference plays a part i suppose, he was 20 and i was 28 when we first met, so I guess we're in different stages of our lives, and that probably played a part. Seeing his apparent disgust at my touch - he sure as heck didn't mind a bj before and actually was the one to push me to it in the beginning - and his obsession with his body and girls, makes me think he's either straight, or he's just going through some sort of phase. I remember when I was in college I too obsessed about some girls and tried some failed romantic relationships, and I just hope that may be the case. Hormones and peer pressure, society and religion telling us that being gay is wrong, and dirty, could really all play into this. I find myself wondering, and perhaps like a total fool hoping, that years from now, he would realise that there was once a guy, who loved him completely, unconditionally, and wished him all the beautiful things in the world. and maybe then, just maybe, he'd say he's sorry and get back to me. I'm not in denial, I know it's over, I just feel very very sad that it ends this way, with my affections being unwelcome and deemed dirty and wrong, and deserving this kind of treatment, because of all the bullshit we are being fed. I love him still, and I do wish him the best with whatever choices he makes, but it stings like a sonofabitch.
Frankly, aside from the cheating and other issues that came later, this sounds like a big problem to me - it's important in any relationship to communicate with your partner and tell them the core of what you need in that relationship, and if they can't, or won't, provide that, then I personally doubt if that unfulfilled need could go on to form a cornerstone of the relationship. It sounds like a good way for someone to get hurt. As for the rest, it's totally normal to be upset for the time being. Maybe one day he'll come back and say what you're thinking, maybe he won't. But hopefully, if that time ever comes, it won't matter to you one way or another, since you'll have moved forward and created new attachments in your life.
