Hello every one, I have been dating my boyfriend over 8 months, everything is great except for somethig that I noticed and is bodering me. I am not out to my family, he is out to his but they don't know about me so it's not always easy to see each other. We usually manage to go out once a week, sometimes it's not possible either. Because of this, we rely heavily on texting. What I noticed is that I am generally the one that brings out the topic of the conversation, I have to ask him questions that he will answer but will not generally follow with another question or continue the conversation. Because I noticed this, I tryed not asking anything and test what would happen. The conversation stopped the two times I did this. This really bothers me as I feel like I am making an interrogation and not having a conversation. Why am I the one that constantly has to think about new things to say? It's not hard for me but it doesn't feel right. It's not that I talk about anything special but I trust that he will find it interesting just because I am telling them to him. I would find anything he tells me interesting, it doesn't need to be special. Also, the strange thing is that we take turns to initiate the conversation, one day I text him, the other he texts me. Even when he texts me I am the one that makes the conversation. He also started taking a long time to answer each text, even if I reply as soon as he sents the message he takes a long time to answer it as if he threw his phones cross the Pacific Ocean. This takes the joy from the conversation as it has now "flow". When we hang out in person everything is normal, we laugh, we have a great time. What could be the problem? Maybe he is too busy but doesn't want to tell me and tries to talk to me anyways? Should I do or say amything? I thought about acting the same way he is acting without saying anything and see if we can switch roles. What do you think? Thanks in advance!
well it's a hard one. some people just are not great texters and some people are. with some people texting has a flow and its "real time". with other people, you send a message they respond 30 mins or and hour later, then you send a response, they respond 20mins later, etc. i would not get too concerned because when you hang out you have an awesome time. you may want to ask him how he communicates best with texting and if he is into text or not or prefer phone or just hanging in person. some people just are not great texters and it has nothing to do with you. on the other hand, sometimes when guys start loosing interest, you start to see the signs....slow text response. not ever having anything to say or never initiating conversation, etc. you have to be careful about trying to read into things. just have a conversation with him to see what's going on and if you guys are ok. that's the only way to really know.
If your conversations in person are more natural, then it's possible he could just be really bad at texting. I did the "too busy but tries to talk anyway" in college. I'd have gaps of twenty or thirty minutes between texts because I'd be working on things but I didn't want us to stop talking. Sometimes I have days where I get really spaced out and I legitimately forget to answer texts for extended periods of time. I'll hear the ding and I'll think "I need to read that" and then forty minutes later I realize I never actually did. You could try mentioning it to him. Maybe suggest less texting and more phone calls, if that's something that would be better for you both.
Yes, maybe he is busy. I will see how things develop over the following weeks. I just don't want to mention it to him as I would feel he would feel obliged to do it. It's not that he's bad at texting because he wasn't like that in the past. Any further advice is welcome.
