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Crying because I am abandoning everyone I love?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Rice and Pepper, Jul 15, 2015.

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  1. Rice and Pepper

    Rice and Pepper
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    I am about to leave my home country to go far away abroad for several years (and perhaps forever). Today was the last meeting in a club I have been in for the last two years. When the meeting ended, everyone wished me "Have a nice trip", they all said nice things about me and that we will stay in touch. All I did was smile back and say thank you.

    However, I admire very much my fellow club members. Thanks to them I have had wonderful moments these past two years, they have helped me improve myself and I am very sad that I have to leave them behind. So it was the last time I see them and I didn't even thank them. I was, once again, shy and introverted, thinking "well okay you don't have to get sentimental, you will meet them again during holidays". That got me in a really bad mood and when I got home I cried a lot.

    I am sure something similar will happen with most of my dear acquaintances. And in the end I feel like my whole life is just me meeting and saying goodbye to people, all alone, until I die. I feel sad because I am leaving my family, my friends. It's not like I won't meet new people and make new friends, but I feel like in the end, the people I have admired so much, I have spent so much time with, will rot away in me into simple acquaintances, replaced by someone else, and I will keep on living selfish and self-centred, just for and by myself.

    And then I think about the case someone I hold dear dies. What do I do if I haven't told them how much I appreciate them? They would be gone forever, and I would live with the guilt that I didn't spend enough time with them, that I didn't share my world with them.

    I don't think there is a solution to my problem, if you can call that an actual problem, but I'd like to hear your opinion on it. What is this guilt I am feeling? On the surface, I feel like there is nothing wrong, I am just leaving and that frightens me. But deep down I weep all day and I don't know what to do... :icon_sad:
     
    #1 Rice and Pepper, Jul 15, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2015
  2. Gravity

    Gravity
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    I think it's totally natural to be fearing/mourning the loss of your friendships and connections when you're about to move abroad. There's nothing unusual or problematic about that. :slight_smile:

    Maybe you can take this as a chance to reaffirm those connections though. Feeling like you want to tell a family member/friend what they mean to you, and you haven't been as honest as you could about how important they are? Tell them.

    Wanting to keep in touch with friends/clubs and such while you're away? Make a point to do so - whether through writing, phone calls, video chatting, or otherwise, there are many ways to keep in touch, and while the distance will probably change your friendships, sure - or, to be more optimistic, put them on hold for a while until you see them again - you can make a decision to put effort into staying in contact. You'll have lots to tell them all about anyway, with all the new experiences you'll be having!
     
    #2 Gravity, Jul 16, 2015
  3. Rice and Pepper

    Rice and Pepper
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    Gosh Gravity. That was a very good post! I feel better! :icon_bigg

    But still, it's such a pity. I can only feel disappointed thinking of all the potential with those people that will be lost because I will leave.
     
    #3 Rice and Pepper, Jul 18, 2015
  4. wasgij

    wasgij
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    Maintaining connections goes both way. You might find that you're the one putting in all the effort, and your old friends rely on you calling them. Some people need their friendships to have a practical or physical element, and if you're not socialising with them in person, then they'll gradually stop talking to you on social media. But you won't know until you move.

    Other possible factors: your friends become jealous of your adventures and stories, while they're still stuck with their usual life. You miss all the natural gossip that friends talk about at lunch or on weekends, but is too awkward or inappropriate for social media. For example: news about break-ups.

    Lastly, you may change. You might drift apart from some friends, or no longer find them interesting. And you'll find new friends with whom you have a new connection.
     
    #4 wasgij, Jul 18, 2015
  5. Rice and Pepper

    Rice and Pepper
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    Wasgij, I know this happens and that's the reason I am sad. It is quite possible that we will drift away. It has already happened to me with older friends even though we still live in the same city. But now we are talking about everyone I know, and while I still feel close to them I don't want to end up drifting away. I don't want to realize one day that routine wins over all potentially long lasting relationships.
     
    #5 Rice and Pepper, Jul 18, 2015
  6. Astral

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    When I got on a plane headed to Africa for six months, I felt exactly as you did.

    18 by only four days, out of highschool by ten, I was off to one of the poorest places in the world. My biggest concern was that when I got home, my friendships and the life I had known would be entirely different.

    This made me extremely nervous for my trip, and my first week there, I was quite lost and unhappy.

    The next week, it got a little easier. A month in, I had lots of friends there and I didn't miss home. Three months in, I forgot what home was even like!

    Humans are the most adaptable species on the planet, we never would have been able to stretch from one end to the other if we weren't. You will adapt, adjust and change to your new environment and the people in it quickly. Someday, you'll look back and wonder why you were even worried about moving. :slight_smile:

    Hope I helped lovie! :*
     
    #6 Astral, Jul 18, 2015
  7. Rice and Pepper

    Rice and Pepper
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    Astral, if I were to go to Africa, I would be rolling on the floor crying!

    In time I will adapt, I am quite certain about that. However, I am not concerned about what I will meet when I return. I am sad because of what I won't meet because I am leaving. A brand new adventure begins for me, leaving my home and going abroad is an old aspiration of mine, but now that the time has come, I realize what the actual cost of this aspiration is. And I can only feel depressed about what I am leaving behind.

    It's been a couple of years I have realized that our time is limited, very limited, and I am afraid that one day I will look back and realize I have wasted so much of that time, so much potential, for trivial goals. It's become an insecurity to me. This is the greatest transition I have ever experience, and this insecurity has been magnified. I am not saying I am having second thoughts about leaving, but what if one day I regret for leaving everyone behind. By then it will be too late. It's the uncertainty of that "what if?"....
     
    #7 Rice and Pepper, Jul 19, 2015
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