It's been a while since I've been on here. So basically this is what's happening, I've been dating my girlfriend for 8 months and it hasn't been easy. We're both 18 and she lives with her family who hasn't been accepting. They've gone as far as cutting her off from the world by taking away her phone, laptop, etc, and being driven around everywhere in efforts to keep me and all of her friends away. This all happened for 2 months before my girlfriend decided to get away from her family and stay with a friend for a week. She returned home and things were so much better, we could talk and even hang out. I think things turned around because her parents didn't think we would last this long. Within the last couple weeks, things have been getting bad again, she fights with her parents every night and last night I received a message from her mom telling me the two of us are done which I know we're not. I love my girlfriend more than anything and am planning on purpose get to her this time next year, so long as things go well. The tough part, is that she leaves for college in about a month out of state. It's going to be difficult to see her because her mom has already threatened to not help her pay for college if she comes back just to see me. I know we're young, and it may seem crazy, but I love this girl with everything in me. I'm scared I might not be able to see or talk to her the rest of the time she's here and I know that her parents have said if she leaves again to a friends house, they won't help her pay for college. If anyone has any advice or would just simply be a shoulder to lean on, it would help. Thank you so much.
Ah, this sounds so much like my personal history, haha. There's not a lot to be done on your end, I'm afraid. This is a problem that is between your girlfriend and her mother, and the most you can do is do your best to give her what she needs, and support her when she needs support. Long distance is going to be hard, believe me. I've been there, done that, it sucks when you're both busy and don't have the time to just sit and talk with each other. What I recommend to remedy the pain this can cause is to pick a weekly show to watch, and watch it together. Call on the phone or Skype or text or something, both of your watching on your end, and talk about what's going on. It makes you feel closer. And that's important in these tough situations. Another thing you might want to consider is seeing if your girlfriend is willing to pretend she broke up with you to her parents. Find a discreet way to talk until she's off to college and they can't hawk over her shoulder. It might not be entirely honest, and if you're found out, it's probable that this will cause even more problems. But if the fights are getting really, unbearably bad, it's an option to consider. But keep it more as a last resort. I wish you luck, and hope the situation with her parents remedies. Often, this is the misguided want to have what is best for a child, and parents know that being with someone of the same gender can be taxing, as well as believing that what is best for their daughter is probably a man. Try not to be angry with them; they think they're doing the right thing. If you ever need someone to just rant to or talk to about this issue, please feel free to drop a message on my wall. I'm more than happy to listen when someone has a problem.
Thank you so much for your response. I think my biggest question at this point is whether it's best for me to let her go or not. When her family fights, it's usually about why she's dating me. I know it would be best for her and her family if we broke up, but she struggles with and eating disorder and self harm because of the stress her family gives her and she says I've saved her so many times. I make sure she eats 3 meals a day, I make sure she doesn't cut, I'm there for her because her family isn't. I love her. When I fall asleep she's all I dream about. Everyone tells me we should break up... But I'm too selfish to do it. I need her as much as she needs me. I don't know what to do.
Well, the question of whether to end the relationship or not is more one for you two to make. But as for the rest, starting college may actually provide some extra support for the situation, depending on the school - many will have counseling resources for either free or very, very cheap, for example. And it does sound like you're shouldering a lot of weight here - being in a relationship takes enough effort as it is, but having to provide her with (if I'm understanding the post right) all the support she needs for an eating disorder, self harming, and the conflict with her family on top of it is a lot to ask of anybody. You two deserve - to pick up on Sevan's example - to spend a night watching a TV show together over the phone, rather than needing to spend your time together dealing with the fallout from her family. So, yeah. Potentially some extra help coming her/your (plural) way when school starts. The actual dealing with the long distance is a bridge you two can cross when you come to it.
