Hello friends, I really would like your support and insight. I am a 24 year-old graduate student in Long Beach, CA. I know it's quite silly as to why I* writing. I would like to know if they way I am feeling is unusual. To back track, over the past year and a half I have feeling lonely and depressed. I am 24 year-old virgin. I have never been in a relationship. I have never been kissed. I don't know why this bothers me so much now. A couple years ago this was a nonissue. I see my friends who all have either have a boyfriend or girlfriend and I feel so lonely. I see them so happy and I can't help but long for someone who will make me happy. I have tried going on dating sites, but dating sites have been a flop. I have tried going to some gay clubs but to no avail. Plus, people in these club seem a bit stuck up. I know I am not attractive and it also doesn't help being fat in the gay community as I have come to find out. I have been referred to as eww and disgusting. It just hurts. I would like to find someone who is kind and genuinely cares about me. Sometimes I think there is no one out there for me. Thank you all for listening.*
To answer your question - no, it's not unusual. It's actually fairly common for lgbt folks to take a bit longer on some of these things - first kiss, first relationship, etc. - because of the extra baggage that comes with the lgbt gig. You mention not really being bothered by this until a year and a half ago - did anything happen that made you start feeling this way? You mention that other friends are starting to have relationships...anything else? As far as being fat (or husky, or stocky, or what have you), unfortunately you're not alone in finding that that makes a difference, either. But even then, there are lots of people who will like you just the way you are, also. Clubs and certain sights may not be the place - heck, they aren't for a lot of people, regardless of the number on the scale. Try meeting people in other places or ways - volunteering at lgbt community centers, for one. Maybe there are lgbt groups where you live that center around something else - hiking or movies. Don't be too down on yourself for feeling lonely in the moment, but do maybe try something different sometime soon - looking somewhere else could make it a whole different situation!
A year and a half ago I was new to the city of long beach. I had just moved on my own. I guess that was a change. When it comes to friends starting to have relationships, it seems like I am the only one who doesn't. For example, every time there are socials with friends everyone always seems to be accompanied by their significant other. I will try going to LGBT community centers, like you suggested. I guess I feel like I am getting older and feel like I am missing out. I guess the independence and being on my own changed and heightened the feelings of loneliness. Sometimes I think I don't have an attractive personality since I tend to be introverted and somewhat of serious/nerdy individual.
Hey Ipsych, I recently made a post about a similar topic. Although we're far apart in age, I'm still here if you ever want to talk about our similar issue.
I've talked to a couple gay men who are introverted and nerdy, so you're not alone in that. One thing I'm thinking of is that if you're around people who are disparaging about your weight or appearance, a change of company is in order. Eventually a negative environment can seep in. It's hard to appreciate any company you do find if you're around people who drag you down instead of encouraging you.
