Relationship with a closeted gay.

Well, considering I am still closeted, yes!

It may not matter what other people think if you guys truly have a connection. This support would benefit both sides and probably make coming out a little easier at least for both guys. This might make life easier for both guys too, since they don't have to worry about being outed by the other and they both are coming from similar perspectives. (*hug*)

 

Since i'm in the closet then yes, i sure will consider dating another closeted guy

but if i see through the glasses of openly gay people, i get it why most of them dont want to date closeted guys. its not fair, at least for them. They already at the point where they accept themselves and want to be with whoever they like, which include public setting.

 

Would I ever consider a relationship with someone who was closeted? No, I would not.

With that being said, I do understand why some people are still in the closet. Maybe you're not ready or will be in danger if you come out, and I get that. However, isn't it more important to find the courage to come out before you consider dates or relationships? Otherwise your partner will be dragged into it too, they'll have to live with the shame and secrecy and become jealous of their straight friends for getting to celebrate their relationship. They could be put in danger if their partner is closeted for that reason, and if they're out especially- It's not fair for them to have to be dragged into hiding again. It's not healthy for any relationship to be like this.

The coming out process is hard, but it needs to happen before relationships are considered in my opinion.

 

I think Fallingdown got it pretty much right. I know it isn't what you want to hear but it would be a definite deal breaker for me, too.

 

I agree to a certain extent. I wouldn't want to be put in a situation like that and it wouldn't seem fair. For me, it depends on the person, and how understanding they can be of your situation. I can say that it's not going to last very long. There's only so much you could do before it reaches a breaking point.

 

Yes and I have.
I think it comes down between the two of you. The last relationship I had was the two of us in the closet so there is at least understanding for the both of us.

 

I am... But I'm closeted too, so I don't know if it counts.

 

Once you're out the closet the last thing you want to do is go back in. Dating a closeted guy is essentially that. Dating secretly. Keeping everything private. Hiding an important part of you life.
etc.

So no, I would't date one. Friends fine though...

 

I am in a relationship with a closeted guy. I've got one foot out of the closet now, but when we started dating I was completely closeted which made it easier. I didn't really expect it to go as far as it has actually, I just thought I'd give the relationship a go because I thought I had nothing to lose but it's turned out to be a pretty great one so far.

As someone who enjoys their privacy and doesn't broadcast themselves to the world, I don't get upset about not "sharing" my relationship publically. The people I've come out to are the ones who mean something to me (except my parents), and they know that I'm in a relationship with a guy so I don't feel like I'm living in hiding. We both live in London, a big and pretty liberal city. We go out in together in public, go to restaurants, bars, etc. so we don't "hide" our relationship behind closed doors. If we were both out, we'd still have nearly exactly the same relationship.

That being said, it can be difficult at times. It has its drawbacks, particularly that you feel some shame when you see them sharing everything else via social media but not sharing you. You want to immerse yourself in their life, meet their friends and family, see where they live and grew up, etc. but obviously that doesn't happen.

I guess the bottom line is that it can work depending upon your intentions and priorities, but is highly improbable to work in the long run.

 

yes i would. i am closeted too. but i'm more like in the "living room" versus the closet. I have told more people but still not out of the house yet.

anyway, as far as the date. it may have nothing to do with you being in the closet. it may have everything to do with you being in the closet. you will never know. what you do know is that he is not interested, so best to move on.

you did a great job of saying that you were closeted and asking if he was ok with that. continue to do that. be upfront. i do find that many openly gay men dislike closeted gay men. so they may go on a date with you to see exactly how closeted you are, but generally it turns them off and some can be downright mean about it and not respectful of the place you're in. i had many try and closet-shame me over this. yes, this came at the hands of gay men that knew i was closeted.

due to these experiences i am a strong believer (at least for myself) that i should date people that are at the same comfort level as me or those that really do not have a problem with me being semi-closeted. the first biting remark from them gets them the axe and i move on. out gay men should typically date the same. if not, it will lead to problems or resentment or them feeling like "a dirty little secret" when this has nothing to do with it. you just have to move on your own speed and find someone that can respect that.

 

I sort of did the same thing, once.

Emphasis on sort of

It really depends to be perfectly honest - if it's the sort of dynamic where you're his/her little secret, I, personally, would find that insulting to do that. On the other hand, I could see it from their point of view, if coming out of the closet would turn their life upside down to a point where they couldn't control it. That, again on the other hand, is not fair to you.

It just depends what you are willing to do and if you like this guy enough.

 

I would actually prefer to date a closeted guy...because I'm closeted myself.

 

I don't think I would be ready for a relationship, regardless closeted or not. Just enjoy the single life.

 

My question is, how do two closeted people even manage to meet and form a relationship?
I can easily see them both passing by each other and thinking that the other person is straight.
(Yes I'm actually asking)