I recently started a new job at a day camp as a lifeguard and I immediately seemed to hit it off with one of the counselors (let's call him Jason). He's probably everything I've been looking for in a guy rolled into one package: he's got an outgoing, fun, often sarcastic personality; we have a lot of the same interests (namely surfing, hockey, and some genres of music); he's a few years younger than me; and he's extremely easy on the eyes, probably the cutest guy I've ever met; and he's pretty strong (he's a wrestler), although he doesn't look it. Not to be stereotypical, but let me start off by saying that I'm probably one of the "straightest-acting" bi guys you'll ever meet. I've dated several other guys and they all said that they would've never guessed I like dudes and that I didn't set off their "gaydar" so to speak. And he's pretty "straignt-acting" as well, as far as I can tell, minus some quirks here and there (he likes to cut the sleeves and collars off his shirts for starters) With that said, from day 1, many of our encounters have been pretty physical (with him usually starting the physical contact) for a guy I just met. Often we'll be messing around about hockey (we like rival teams) and he'll start a shoulder-shoving match. He loves to mess with me in the pool too, he likes splashing me and throwing stuff at me. I'll oftentimes mess with his hat (which he always wears backwards) when I walk towards or away from him. More recently, I had some time off from the pool, so I decided to hang out with him and his kids. We got into one of our typical shoving matches and it kind of escalated (in a fun way of course). He had found a small ziplock bag and started throwing it down my shirt. After doing this back and forth for a bit, I decided to change things up a bit and started shoving it down his shoe. He responded by tossing it down the leg of my bathing suit. We did this maybe 5 or 6 times before we got into a full-on brawl. I eventually pinned him to the ground, face down and sat on him. I asked the other counselors what I should do to him; one of them asked "Are you ticklish Jason?" at which point I went to town on his sides and armpits. Of course, now he claims that he "shoved my face in the dirt" and that he "let me get up," and that he wants a rematch (which I'm eagerly looking forward to). But now that I know he's ticklish, I'll sometimes give him some quick tickles. The next day, he stole my chair after I had walked away to take a phone call. When I got back, I proceed to sit on his lap and tickle his stomach until he said he was going to tip the chair. Then he said that if I had just asked, he would have gotten up (I was hoping he'd retaliate somehow), which was kind of disappointing. Even more recently, he kind of developed a new habit of pinching me, usually on the back or arm. Sometimes he'll slap my leg quick, pinch it, and ask me to guess how many hairs he pulled out. One day I was walking into the pool area as he was leaving and he asked, out of the blue, if I wanted a hug. At which point he proceeded into a hugging motion before pressing his head into my chest and drying his hair on my shirt. And yet another day I was sitting outside talking to some other counselors when he snuck up behind me and pressed his fists into my back, before giving me a pretty good shoulder rub for a good 30 seconds (it felt awesome). And probably the most provocative thing of all; he slammed his hat (deliberately) into my crotch on several occasions. And then I let my big mouth get in the way yesterday -__- I had a pretty lousy day 2 Friday's ago and an even lousier day this past Thursday, probably the worst day of my life. I was telling him about it the following morning. For some reason I let it slip that I was dating a girl (I was very clear though that she's not a girlfriend) and that we cut things off on my first lousy day. We've since reconciled a bit, but Jason doesn't know that. Regardless, I'm not super into her; I think I'm coming to the realization that I like guys more than girls, so it was probably a blessing in disguise and it was probably the "least-lousy" thing that happened to me over those two days. As soon as I mentioned her, he kind of said in a confused/worried tone of voice "wait, what girlfriend?" I then explained to him that she wasn't a girlfriend, but rather someone I was dating. But ever since then, he was kind of distant towards me for most of the day. He didn't seem upset or anything, he still seemed to be his playful self among the other counselors, but he was definitely pretty distant towards me. He kind of warmed up a bit towards the end of the day, throwing balls and stuff at me in the pool and whatnot. But at the end of the day he oddly took a seat away from me on the grass and kind of left me to hang; leaving at the end of the day without saying goodbye. Granted, I wasn't in the best of spirits yesterday either; given the traumatic day I had before and that I was now thinking of how stupid I was to mention anything about this girl. So I'm sure my mood had something to do with it. On the flip-side, maybe this too is a blessing in disguise; it could pave the way for me to ask why he got so distant towards me after I had mentioned "girlfriend." If I phrase it correctly, maybe I can come-out to him without actually "coming out" if you catch my drift. ----- Given all that information, I'm not sure how to proceed. I'm definitely not out of the closet to anybody except my psychologist and I don't know much about him yet. His Facebook profile says he likes women, but that's about all I have to go on (and it really means nothing anyway; mine says the same thing). But at the same time I really like this boy. In addition to fixing my slip of tongue, we're co-workers. I don't think the camp has a restriction on co-worker dating, so long as you keep public displays of affection under control. I've worked there before about 3 years ago (having left for some internships) and I've seen it happen before. But I'm not sure that they'd be welcoming to a gay relationship (although they obviously can't fire us due to discrimination). Another awkward issue I need to tackle is the fact that his sister, mom, and aunt work for the camp as well and that he has a younger sister who's a camper.
Based on what you've written, I think it is likely that he may have feelings for you (I've been there myself and behaved very much like he did) but he might also have a different reason, e.g. feeling slightly uncomfortable with your emotional downturn and not knowing what to do. It's probably a good idea to find a suitable time and place to talk to him privately and find out why he became a bit distant. You should handle this carefully because, if he does have feelings for you, any wrong impression may cause him to discount you as a potential partner. Drop a few hints that you are into guys and that you like him, and see how he responds. I really think you should figure out for yourself what you truly want. If you are set on exploring the possibility of being with him, don't see or hook up with anyone else. He may decide that he has no chance with you and start to drift apart and perhaps even cut you out of his life to avoid getting hurt. Make it clear to him that you are available for a serious relationship. Give him hope and, once it becomes clear to you that he has feelings for you, find a way to confess your feelings. Don't let it drag on because you may miss your chance. All the best and do keep us posted!
Things have been a little weird with him lately. I mean he's not as distant as he once was and his suggestive actions are back. Like 2 days ago, I was in the bathroom, peeing in the only urinal, when he walked in just as I finished. He said "we're peeing in the same urinal, I guess that makes us brothers, right?" I responded by saying "We weren't already?" and then proceeded to shake the excess water off my hands and onto his back after having washed my hands. He did the same thing. In response, I started to tickle him and it ended with him in a fetal position IN the sink. But at the same time, we were talking about our plans after work yesterday. He said he might text a friend to hang out, but then out of the blue, mentioned that he was trying to get another counselor's number (a girl), but that he was too lazy to go over and ask for it. I asked him if he liked her and he kinda shook it off and was like "erm-eh, she's OK" and then he continued to say that he was going to get her number to start talking to her and then see where it goes from there. I'm not sure if he was trying to gauge my reaction or whatever with that (why would he want to date someone who's "just OK"), but I'm really lost and confused now. ---------- Post added 25th Jul 2015 at 12:54 PM ---------- What kind of hints should I drop? I'm not out to anybody except my psychologist and psychiatrist. But yeah, I really can't see myself with anybody else right now; every guy I've seen since meeting him pales in comparison, he's literally everything I've ever wanted in a guy; cute as hell, funny, sarcastic, outdoorsy, really easy to talk to, not a stereotypical gay by any means, etc.
I'm really straight acting as well, and the people I've told that I was gay their eyes were wide open with surprise, like who would've thought.... In your case, I would take that as a sign. But really you only know for sure if you ask. Since you guys are coworkers I think it would be best to meet outside of the camp and go from there.
Yea, I'm trying to get him to go surfing with me; but he claims that Sundays are his Netflix binging day.
Ask him what he likes to watch and ask to join in then! Seriously... lol Don't give up that easily! He might even like it if you show you really want to hang out with him. I mean who doesn't get flattered by that? You are asking the wrong person here for advice on hinting and flirting - I'm absolutely hopeless at it lol. I'm always the last person in my circle of friends to notice a couple. And there have been several occassions where I didn't know someone was flirting with me until the people around me told me I was being arrogant or flat out wanted to :bang: because I was so oblivious. Anyway, in my view probably persistence would be your best bet? Just persistently spend quality time with him, get to know each other more, let him know you really enjoy being with him, drop lines like "I like it when you/the way you..." or "you're so cute/funny/whatever when you...", do little thoughtful things for him, show that you care, keep lots of intimate eye contact, touch him a little etc. Also, be genuine when doing these things. Don't just do/say things to impress. All in all I don't think it'd be vastly different from what you'd do with a girl you truly like, would it? Is there any dating/flirting expert here who can help?
