If anyone could give me advice on this, this would be great. Also, if there is anyone who disagrees with me, I would really love to hear your side as well. I come here seeking neutral opinions and unbiased advice. I've been in a relationship with a woman for well over a year now. I'm separated, but do to circumstances still married. Everyone knows I'm all but divorced. I've included my girlfriend in all aspects of my life. Including that of my sons. He's only 2. I'm trying to stay friends with my ex so we can have a decent relationship with our son, and maybe just stay friends. But she hates it so much. She can't stand the fact that I got married to someone else first, and had a kid with them. As a result she really resents my family, and especially my son. I don't know how to help change her mind about that... I know it's probably not my place, and there's nothing I can do to change HER own opinion. But I'd like to stay in a relationship with her. Though, I don't want to have to feel like I'm picking people over others... Anything? Thoughts? Advice? Maybe someone could answer from her perspective if I am being unreasonable...
I think you need to do what's best for your son, after all he's only two! You need to have a long talk with your partner on how he's very important to you as a mother. Being resentful of a child is a huge red flag in relationships and should be tackled sooner than later.
Honestly her resent toward your son and your past relationship is only going to grow if you two don't sit down and have a deep conversation about it. In my opinion, when you get into a relationship you accept all of the "baggage" that a person may have. Whether if it's something small like a varied work schedule or something large like a kid. If she is not willing to be accepting and loving toward your son then you need to get rid of her. If she continues to resent him and nothing is done, then as your son gets older he will recognize that she resents him. Then he will feel like you're picking her over him and that will lead to a lot of issues at home. I would even suggest maybe couple's counseling to see if you guys can work though those issues together. But I agree with Fallingdown7, it is a huge red flag for her to be resentful a child. It can show everything from control issues (you have to dedicate time to your son and more time with him means less time with her) to just plain emotional maturity issues. It sounds to me like she's not emotionally mature to understand that you had a life in the past and your current life is still affected by that. Finally, if after counseling and/or a deep talk about it she still shows no signs of changing her resent I would kick her to the curb. You have to consider what is right for your son.
I'm going to be quite blunt, but she needs to grow up and get over it. You can't undo the past and nor can she. The fact that you have a son and former husband is not new knowledge to her and she cannot now dictate terms when your son's security and stability is an important and necessary consideration. If you were to become totally estranged from your ex-husband it would certainly impact on your son and if she is resentful of him (a child) she is being ridiculous. The problem is not with you, but with her and she needs to put in the necessary self work to accept things as they are because this isn't a situation that will change in her favour.
Well. She ended up dumping me so problem solved I guess. She said she would never forgive me for having my son and expecting her to accept him. The fucking nerve lol... :/
If any of this can help you move on: - maybe she was resentful that you and your ex had a child together (it's a bit/a lot more complicated for two women to do that and needs some third party donor) - maybe she was insecure that you would meet another guy and that she couldn't "compete" (of course the fact she can give you something the guy can't and vice versa is often not seen in these situations) - maybe she was resentful that you have the option of being in a relationship with a man, bypassing all sorts of stigma and humiliation, when possibly she doesn't have that option (if she's not bi) - maybe she's just a crazy self-centered b*tch The answer probably lies in some combination of all of the above
If she loves you, she should happy and appreciate you about your honest instead of got mad at you and end the relationship with you. Unless she doesn't? I think she did a favor for you. Be positive, "A bad thing ends, which starts a new good thing."
I'm sorry. I guess she couldn't grow up and deal with it. Just don't date and focus on your kid and ex.
The fact that she is resentful of your son is not a good sign at all. First, if I were you, I would ask yourself some questions: like why is she resentful of a 2 year old, perhaps she has never been around children? Then, ask yourself, what would you want your parent deciding if you were the 2 year old. Would you want your Mom to choose a partner who was resentful of you? Who wouldn't accept you? Something doesn't sound right, I am just giving my opinion since you asked for opinions, but there is really no good reason to be resentful of a child. Uncomfortable, yes, needing to get to know your child and being unsure, yes, but not resentful.
Duh. Disregard anything I wrote above. I just saw that she broke up with you. Please do not be heartbroken....she sounds horribly selfish and you deserve better...so does your child!
