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23 yr old lesbian seeking 1st time relationship advice

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by skittleALY, Jul 19, 2015.

  1. skittleALY

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    Hey everyone, I'm looking for a little relationship advice if anyone can help me out!

    I'm 23 and have never been on a date with a girl, and have been out to my family for almost 7 months now. Before that, I would say that I knew that I was gay but really struggled to accept it for a bit. While I was desperately trying to convince myself that I was straight I went on a few dates with guys, but wouldn't say that I've ever had an actual relationship.

    But since I've accepted myself, and have come out to my family I've never been more happy or at peace with myself so I'm ready to maybe start meeting some girls or even dating but am worried that I don't really know how...

    I matched with a girl on a dating app, and we started talking on there and hit it off really well and moved on to texting each other. We've probably been talking at least a week now. She lives right by me, and goes to college at the school that is in my town but has been visiting her parents up in Connecticut since we've been talking. We haven't gone a day without talking to each other yet, and I feel like she's into me but I'm just not sure.

    So here's where I need some advice... she said that she'll be in town next Tuesday-Thursday for army training. I really want to meet her, and see if there's anything there but I'm scared that I'm maybe reading the signs wrong. I'm not sure if I should ask if she'll have any free time while she's here, and if so how do I even ask her out! I've never done this before, even though I'm 23 I feel like a nervous teenager!

    And if I do ask her out, I have no idea what to even do or take her on a date.. Like I know you should always meet the first time in public, but where should two lesbians even go on a date!

    I just really like this girl, and am a little nervous that I'll have absolutely no idea what to do or say when I meet her and really don't want to mess this up! Help!!! :help:
     
  2. TheJackC

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    You should just go to a little cafe somewhere, and talk. If you don't have a 'spark'you don't have to see each other again. Remember, you regret the things you don't do more than the things you do! Hope I helped. Xxx
     
  3. elm

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    Thank you so much for posting this. I literally started crying as I read though it- I am so relieved to hear that I am not alone in being both inexperienced and scared.

    I, too am in my mid twenties and have never been on a date with a woman. I can't speak for the woman who you are interested in, but personally I would be happy to be with someone who was also very new to the game.

    I can only imagine that she is interested in meeting you if she told you she was going to be in town! But asking if she is busy first would probably be a good idea- she may legitimately get overwhelmed by the training regardless of intentions, so even if she's not up to it don't take it personally.

    Take this all with a grain of salt, I don't have much dating experience, but I have had to deal with travel stress, and trying to balance it with friends' expectations.
     
  4. skittleALY

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    Thank you both! I think I'll ask her if she'll have any free time while she's here (I don't want to pressure her since she is here for army training, but I don't want her to think I'm not interested at the same time..).

    I'm a little nervous for what's to come after I ask her though.. Where do we go or do, who should pay, etc. & in all honestly it's kind of freaking me out! I just don't want to mess this up :icon_sad:
     
  5. pinklov3ly

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    Go into the date with expectations to pay. It's not only flattering, it's how I'd love to be treated.

    I'm the type who loves to pamper & spoil my girlfriend. However, we would most definitely take turns paying the bill etc, but first impressions are everything. If anything, step outside of your comfort zone & do something that you would never do.
     
    #5 pinklov3ly, Jul 19, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2015
  6. || Kheya ||

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    It's perfectly normal to feel nervous at first. but try to feel as much comfortable as you can. set up your mood and hold onto your emotions, and remind yourself to have a confident, friendly and loving attitude. because everyone loves to be with a jolly person :slight_smile: and i bet things will fall in place when you'll start talking.
     
  7. skittleALY

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    I'll definitely go in with expectations to pay! I still haven't asked her out yet though and am having trouble thinking of how to phrase it.. I know she's here for army training so I'm not sure how busy she'll be those days or if she'll even feel like going out and meeting somebody after that and don't want to pressure her in case she really can't, as opposed to doesn't want to. But at the same time I don't want to pass up on this opportunity since she won't be down here again until mid-August...

    I'm pretty sure she feels the same way about me, we've been talking every day like I said and have even been flirty with each other. I don't want to send the wrong message, so does something like: " so I've been wondering if you'll have any free time while you're here? I wasn't sure what your day looks like so it's totally fine if you can't, but I'd really like to meet you while you're here :slight_smile: " sound ok?

    Like I said, I've never done this before and I'm super nervous about sounding stupid or whatever so I just don't want to say the wrong thing! Does that sound alright or does anyone have any suggestions on how I should ask her out, while also taking into account that she is here for army training.

    Thank you everyone for your help so far!!!
     
  8. confusedbubble

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    Just put hope the army training goes OK for you I'm keeping my fingers crossed you'll enjoy it, but I'm sure you will. If you have any free time during your schedule how do you feel about meeting up for a coffee and bite to eat? if you can't that's OK I really hope training goes well I routing for you

    Something along them lines
     
  9. idkidk

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    I think you're on the right track. Good luck!
     
  10. hello. here what i suggest.

    hey im excited you'll get to see my neck of the woods. i know you're coming down for training so i'd love to hang out if you're available. we can grab a bite or something. no pressure, cuz I know you'll be pretty swamped with work. "

    then see what she says. if she says, yes, then say cool, you meet at one of your favorite restaurants in town.

    now he's the tricky thing. will she have her own transportation. i do not think you should pick her up since you do not know her. plus it could be weird if you are coming onto the base. anyway, if she can meet you somewhere, i would be down for it. if she can't meet you but wants to hang out. then you'll have to either pick her up (which i do not recommend getting in cars with strangers) or meet her at a location that is close to where she can walk to or get to.

    just have fun and be friends. it will be fun.
     
  11. Phoenix87

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    I'd start slow and ask her if she wants to meet for lunch. No need to get to overwhelmed with the "is this a date or not" questioning. Start with lunch and see how things go from there! Let it progress naturally and don't try to force anything or go overboard - although it's tempting!

    Relax and have fun. She's obviously interested in you to some degree, so be assertive and ask if you can take her to lunch. Good luck!
     
  12. skittleALY

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    Thank you to everyone who has replied so far!!

    So it's gotten a little complicated since the last time I posted.. I went ahead and asked her on Monday if she would have any free time while she's down here. To paraphrase, she said she'd love to meet up with me, but wasn't sure if she should right now. Her grandfather was really sick at the time and wasn't doing really well, so she didn't want to meet with all that on her mind, which I understood. We continued to talk every day that she was here, and have friended each other on Facebook and even snapchat.

    Yesterday however, I found out that her grandfather had passed away in the morning. I wrote her a text message saying I'm sorry, and tried to be supportive but she didn't really respond back beside for a "thanks". We've only be talking to each other about two weeks now, and I like her but I thought I should step back now and maybe check on how she is doing either today or tomorrow.

    I just have no idea what to do in this situation now... I like her, I think she likes me too, but now that this happened I don't know if I should just step back completely and wait for her to contact me again or if I should send her a text in a day or two to see how she's doing?

    And the one weird thing that I don't know what to make of - I received a snapchat from her today, and it was a picture of a baby with the west Chester, PA location stamp and it said "my beautiful lunch date", and her story has the same baby in it with another girl. I don't know what's going on, but yesterday was supposed to be her last day that she had to work so I don't get why she's still here and not making her way back up to Connecticut where her family is....

    So yeah, this has taken a complicated turn. I know it'll be about another month until she's back here, and I can wait but I don't want to lose the connection that we had in the meantime. I just don't know what the right thing to do here is, if I should step back completely, or ask her how she's doing or what not so if anyone has any advice on this again I'd very much appreciate it!
     
  13. sierpinski

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    I'm not experienced enough to give you great advice, I wish I could. What I did want to advise though, regarding the quote, is, why not go in public? Because if there is one thing you should NOT do with a first date, is signalize that you are ashamed of going out with her.

    Of course this is supposing you live in a country where being gay is legal. If you do, you should stand up for it.