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Anyone Else With Homophobic Parents?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by icelaflame, Jul 21, 2015.

  1. icelaflame

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    I'm 19 and pansexual with a stronger attraction to guys. I was putting up my tray since I was finished eating, and was going to get some water to drink. Where I was at in the kitchen, I was close by the den where my parents and my younger sister were at. I overheard my mom saying how the same sex marriage law was passed in all 50 states, and that they didn't let any states to decide, saying that "Georgia [where I currently am] wouldn't of allowed it. Every state has to abide by that law of same sex marriage." And I overheard my sister saying "That sounds horrible!"...
    I felt...like my sanity dropped,my heart turned black.
    I always felt that they were homophobic, but never really knew for sure. I told myself I wouldn't come out to them unless I actually got with another guy and became very serious. I would look at different youtubers coming out videos, and most guys always noted how their moms were so accepting all of this, but deep down I knew it wouldn't of been the same for me. My parent's are religious for one, they believe all of that hocus pocus crap to the T.

    I hardly ever cry, but I feel that what hit me most was my sister being in there, consuming those same irrational and intolerant beliefs "That sounds horrible!" and we all know how easy it is to teach kids when they have know prior knowledge to oppose anything. I can't say if the prime reason i'm sad is because I myself am non-heterosexual or because I stand for equality of all people, both i assume.

    I'm just wondering how did others here find out they had homophobic parents and how did you learn to cope with that knowledge. I just really wish I didn't hear any of that, because I don't want to do anything stupid. :icon_sad:
     
  2. Kira

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    I live in the same state. Sadly, it's just the norm around this area.. (with possibly the exception of Atlanta, the capital)
    my entire family has always been extremely religious and homophobic.
    It's pretty rampant here, There are worse places (Russia, possibly Texas) but here in Georgia if you aren't a straight white cis Christian male, things are bound to be a mess.
    The majority doesn't really take the time to think of us minorities. They influence pretty much the whole state, spreading their toxic ideas through child indoctrination. Most of these families and parents were child indoctrinated along with the rest.

    It's kind of sad, but many southern states have been brainwashed for so many generations, and never grown out of it. This extreme brainwashing has caused the majority of the state to think taking away our rights is "justice" and that we're somehow lower life forms.

    All my friends here have at least half of their families consisting of bigots, and in some cases don't feel safe in their own homes. It's ridiculous.

    Im my case, I've managed to cure my mom's homophobia through long talks of logic and reason, she's still religious but has lost that hostility over time. Some people, though, will not change their mind no matter how much proof and evidence you show them. In that case, I'd say to avoid them or possibly use their own ancient text against them, as for many Christians the only proof in the world is verses from their own book, which many Christian world leaders still manipulate today.

    The extremely religious, but brainless Christians who are hostile for no reason are called "fundies" by the way. Funny since all they do is kill fun, but it's short for "Fundamental Christians" the loud and senseless type like Westboro Baptist.
    If you ask me, we should remove the "fun" and just call them "Da mental Christians"
    Not all Christians are stupid but those fundies sure make up for that.
     
  3. Fentrion

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    My family raised me as a Muslim. They have no idea that I abandoned it a year ago. Both of them are repulsed by "sexual deviants", and apparently have zero sympathy toward people who are executed for being homosexual. My father would probably insult and abandon me if he were to discover my sexual preferences.

    I sympathize with you, but can't quite relate to your situation as I've never felt a need to cope with my own parents' homophobia. I don't concern myself with their bias and prejudices, and I am not going to live the rest of my life with them breathing down my neck.
     
  4. GayBoyBG

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    Mine are, but I never really cared. Never dwelled on that fact for too long. I appreciate people's choice. And if my parents choose to hate LGBT - so be it. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Aspen

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    The vast majority of my family is, especially my mom. It's rough at times. Sometimes she makes horrible jokes and asks me if I'm a lesbian and I think she suspects. I've always known she was homophobic, from back when I thought I was straight and she's only gotten worse with time. She's also emotionally manipulative and a conspiracy theorist so the homophobia is kind of the icing on the cake.

    It helps that even though I haven't come out to them yet, I know at least most of my friends will be accepting. In the meantime, I'm just biding my time until I can get out of here.
     
  6. guitar

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    What an absolutely heartbreaking thread to read :/ My family has been amazing toward me. Sure,at times they may not entirely "get it" but I always know I am loved.

    I've been extremely lucky in that I really haven't experienced homophobia in person. At least never direct *at* me. Canada (and especially Ontario) is one of the most tolerant places on earth & this serves to remind me how lucky I really am. You all are troopers and have incredible strength in light of parents who believe goofy things & may wish their only child harm for loving who their heart & hormones dictate they ought to. (&&&)
     
  7. RelaxedDude97

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    My parents are really religious and really homophobic ( so are my brothers by the way ).
    Growing up, my parents always told me that "those" people are "sick" -.-.
    At first it bothered me, but now i really couldn't care less.
    I'm not out to them yet, but i will come out sooner or later. They'll probably abandon me, but hey, it's their loss.
    I'm not going to sacrifice my own happiness just because my family's to ignorant to see it's not a choice/ sickness.
     
  8. UnendingVoid

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    My friends and my dad and his girlfriend are totally cool with it and my sister is too young to understand at the moment, but my mum and stepdad have called me a disgrace and have threatened to take me out of college if i don't change my behaviour so i tend to mask it around them, but it hurts.
     
  9. Chromedome

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    The genernal society and my parents are homophobic, I've been verbally and physically abused for it, people treat homsexuality, abortion, rape, women's rights, and others issues in a hush hush manner and just say pray to god and don't speak of such things. There was even a presentation in my elementary school assembly on the dangerous homosexuals.
     
    #9 Chromedome, Jul 22, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2015
  10. Brendi0919

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    My parents are definitely homophobic. I live in Toronto, Canada.
    Whenever my parents hear anything about LGBTQ+ stuff, they shut it off and give me a long lecture about how that stuff isn't right.
    My advice will be to only come out to them when you know you will be safe. Maybe once you're financially stable and have a place to live. Also try to ease them into the topic. I know it's very hard and I totally understand you're pain. Any questions or you just want to talk, message me.

    Good luck dear!! ❤️
     
  11. emiee

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    My mom is great, but my father is extremely homophobic. I live in Connecticut and there are a lot of people in small towns around here like that, which surprises a lot of people because of how liberal New England usually is. My mom knows I'm a lesbian but my father doesn't and probably won't until I'm in a relationship and it becomes necessary that he knows.
     
  12. ArlettBaySB

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    I live in Venezuela, and please note that this is an example of the family principle regarding sexuality; as I live in this sort of "open-minded" country but still have to deal with this situation.

    My parents say they're not homophobic but they totally are.
    I say this, because the first time there was a little suggestion that I was, in fact, a lesbian (which it's not exacly true, I'm a pansexual) . My mom started crying and my dad said I was going through the wrong way and that I needed a man to show me the good path.
    Everything they said and did, was terrible for me (I felt a freak for a long long time) and for the sake of my mom, I'll have to admit that I lied.

    It is a sad thing to be different on a very closed system. In every single continent, country, state or even town of this BIG world.

    But we don't get to choose who we are in these regards. We just live according to what we see and learn every single day.

    Maybe I'll never be able to tell my mom about my pansexuality, but I am crystal-clear about my identity and what makes me happy. So I'll be just me.

    I hope one day you can tell your parents about you and I tell mine about their daughter who might not be straight as they wished but still, is totally worth the shot.

    Good luck sweetie!
     
  13. lostinlove9727

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    I definitely feel you.

    My parents are both homophobic, though my Mother is more so than my Dad. I figured out how they felt when I brought up the fact that one of my best friends parents was gay... My mother proceeded to talk about how wrong that "lifestyle" was and how it was going to earn them a trip straight to hell, and how I wasn't allowed to be around my friend's parents because she "didn't want them being a bad influence on me". My mother has since gotten in my face and demanded to know if I was a lesbian because I haven't really dated anyone in quite some time, and the relationship that I did have was one that she wouldn't have approved of (it was with a girl).

    My Dad is more or less of the idea that he doesn't really care what other people do and feels that everyone has a right to live as they please, but in the same respect, he doesn't want it to have anything to do with his family. I think if I /personally/ were to ever come out as bisexual, my Dad would be far more accepting of it than my mother.
     
  14. Sanna

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    I've had the same experience. I couldn't even watch the news of the same sex marriage legislation passing because my mom didn't even want it on the television screen. I had to gather as much information as I could via the Internet while my mother wasn't looking. It was disappointing, since it was one of the happiest days of my life, tbh but I had no one to share it with, except with my pan friend via Facebook message :frowning2:
     
  15. KrazyKav

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    It was heart breaking to hear that my mom would take me to the doctors to get "fixed" if I ever came out to her and the fact that I now have a boyfriend does not help. Luckily hiding my relationship is easy as its online but I only planned to ever tell her once I move out. Coming out to my friends became difficult because I could only tell people that had had no connection to my family and that didn't know anyone with a connection to my family. One day I will move out and come out fully.
     
  16. shane0595

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    well...i'm old now..but when i was 18 years old [in 1980] i sat my mother down and said, "i'm gay, get used to it, and don't expose me to any homophobic bullshit or you'll never see me again". That put an end to all that nonsense. Once she figured out that i wasn't going to play games she simmered down and shut down all her homophobic BS. So, for me, being direct worked quite well -- but i wouldn't suggest this unless you are self-sufficient.
     
  17. Midori

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    I live in Texas right now. My father is actually more homophobic than my mother. However when the news came on with the same sex marriage was legal, my mother looked disgusted and my father never mentioned it. My family isn't religious, but there are many people here in Texas that are. My parents have also said things about my close friends like "Some of your friends are gay aren't they. I don't want you to be gay." I do know that other people hve more homophobic parents, and I hope everything ends up being okay for them.
     
  18. Blue787Bunny

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    Mine is a conundrum of sorts. My parents and elder brother are homophobic, except when it comes to me. :confused: and the weird thing is I am actually their favorite child.

    We grew up as traditional Christians and so hold Christian beliefs. My mom being extremely religious. Growing up we weren't even allowed to watch stuff that might "influence" us (homosexuality, sex, violence, etc.). My parents never allowed us to even be near homosexuals. When my mom was going to have a custom dress made with her couturier, I wasn't allowed to be brought along since he and his partner were gay. Any semblance of being "un-masculine" was frowned upon including what we wore. Basically I grew up wearing plain clothes--- black, white, neutrals, blue. Once when I bought a plaid shirt, I was warned never to do so again. Of course we weren't spared from hearing the occasional gay slurs and insults. There was a time my dad even honked the horn on two gay men crossing the pedestrian because he found it funny to do.

    Fast forward (and because the universe loves irony) I turned out to be gay. :grin: I'm a metrosexual gay to be concise. There was never a "Mom/Dad, I am gay!" conversation. I just started going on dates with guys :thumbsup:. When my parents got wind of it, they talked amongst themselves. My dad never said anything to me. My mom came to my room and told me that she and my dad had a "talk". She never did tell me what the whole conversation was only that she told my dad "If and when our son is gay just accept it! You don't have anyone else to blame but your genes. You're the one who has gay people in your family!". (Pertaining to my 2 gay cousins on my father's side of the family). My mom proceeded to tell me that I can be whoever I want to be and do whatever I want to do and they'll love me all the same.

    My parents fully allow me to be the gay-metrosexual that I am, whereas before I would have been guillotined for wearing something that wasn't conservative. I have a separate area where I layout everything new and that haven't been worn before--- bags, shoes, clothes. I was unpacking shoes the other day when my father came in and saw the Zanottis complete with studs, chains, etc and the Gucci high tops studded with crystals. And all he said was "Are those shoes? :eek: Just remember to wear them." By that response alone I felt that he had come a long way.

    But are they still homophobic in regards to other LGBT people? Sadly yes although it has somewhat watered down. You still hear the occasional gay insults. When my father found out that my sister had gay friends he blew a fuse and warned her never to see them again. They were furious again when they found out that my sister was hanging out with a gay cousin of mine. They felt that if she continued to associate with them she'll be influenced to become promiscuous and that "they" probably do drugs as well. My sister still does go out with them she just tells my parents she is going out with xxxx (some female name).

    My brother is less tolerant of me somewhat. He gets angry when I talk about gay issues too much. He doesn't allow me into business meetings unless I dress "formally" (our family has several businesses). But I somewhat could careless in regards with my brother.

    If you guys are going to ask me I don't really know why they are that way. I don't know how parents' minds work because I'm not a parent myself. Some may even describe them as hypocrites. I think it helped that I was never a problem child. Growing up I did what I was told. I got good grades. I never had vices (I actually only learned to drink alcohol during medical school :lol:slight_smile:. And I never abused the fact that we were well off, I am proud to say my parents never had to pay for my undergrad and my medical school because I was a scholar all throughout. Maybe they did try to be angry. Maybe they did try to hate. But deep inside they knew I was a good son. Even if they dig and dig, they can't accuse me of having done anything wrong.

    My mom and dad do on occasions mention that they'd wish for me to marry and have children. And that they worry about who will take care of me with old age. I always tell them that I'll never marry and have children. My mom also tells me that whenever my dad sees a friend of mine who is girl doctor that he wished she was my girlfriend. :lol: I debated with them a while back regarding Sodom and Gomorrah. The last conversation I had with them in regards to LGBT was regarding Caitlyn Jenner. They wanted to know how she transitioned from Bruce. They never said anything bad, so they are definitely softening up.
     
  19. Hobbes

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    I'm still in the closet, so they don't know the pain they're causing. There was never an exact moment when I found out that my parents were homophobic. It's always been there. I remember when I was five I asked what "gay" meant. I remember that my mom explained it and then followed up with that it was wrong. And that's probably what sent me down my path of wrestling with my sexuality when I was fifteen.
     
  20. bassboss

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    My parents offen say gays" are a deises and you don't see cancer vicums getting laws pasted for them." I hate my family so much