Hey, I am in a five year relationship (my first rs) and I am kind of wondering if you can just fall out of love? In the last few weeks I noticed that I am not really that into him anymore. And it kind of happened rather suddenly. I don’t seek closeness and haven’t kissed him in a while (before everyday when I saw him). I still love him but with recent developments (me finding out/ admitting that I am attracted to girls) I am also wondering if I ever just loved him as a best friend? Or if I am looking for reasons to get out so I have room to get to know myself again? At the moment I am in a constant state of confused and worried. Not sure of sexuality, not sure of relationship and not sure about my whole life. Probably doesn’t help that it is happening at once. Anyone got some advice for me? cause I am driving myself crazy lately… Would appreciate it
things change. people change. our feelings change. you can love someone and not be in love with them. when you love someone you care about them and wish the best for them and are there to support them and help however you can. when you are in love with someone, there is nobody better for you then them. others may be nice but you know in your heart that this is the one for you. you're unsure about a lot of things right now so it makes sense you need space to figure it out.
thanks for your answer. I know that i definitely need a lot of space right now. But do I end the relationship because of it? what after i get to know myself better i want him back? i know there is absolutely no easy way here but is the only choice to break up?
I would't say your only option is to break up. You've been in a relationship with him long enough that I would assume you trust him, so (if you feel comfortable) I would talk to him about being confused, and ask him for the time to think. If you isolate yourself without saying anything, he may break up with you, and if you break up with him when he feels nothing is wrong, your friendship may fall apart in the end. All in all, do what you're comfortable doing, and give yourself time to become more certain about who you are until you make any desicions.
It may also bear mentioning that it's not uncommon for people in 30-, 40-, and 50-year relationships to say that that 'in love' feeling comes and goes - or that they're glad, in retrospect, to have waited out the dips and doubts when they came. Don't be afraid to take space, if you need space. Don't be afraid to break up, if that's what turns out to be right and fair for you and your boyfriend. But don't worry too much about not finding that 'in love' feeling when and where you expect it, especially if it's only been a few weeks, and especially if you're under stress, anxious, or depressed.
It's possible, at least it's what happened to me. I have no idea when it happened though but one day I realized I see him "only" as a best friend and nothing more. He wanted to touch me and cuddle and all these things but I felt like meh. Like you, I was questioning my sexuality so it could be connected, later I even started to have feelings for a lesbian I met online. I'm sorry I don't have any specific advice for you, just remember to listen to your inner feelings and your intuition because it always knows what's best for you. (*hug*)
my bf does know about me questioning my sexuality. He is very understanding and just wants me to be happy (even if it means breaking up). But i also see that he is struggeling with me being so distant. What makes it even harder for me is that at the moment he is the only real friend i have that i can talk to. I had a really tough last year and kind of broke off contact with lots of people because i was ashamed and was (actually still am) struggeling with myself. So I guess I am holding on to him cause i am afraid to go through this alone. At the same time i know it is not fair to him cause at the moment i have definitely no romantic feelings towards him...
I can imagine how you feel because I had to make the decision to leave my ex boyfriend in order to explore this other side of me. I mean, I've always been attracted to women, ever since I was younger, but I was sorta ashamed, so I stayed with my ex. However, I couldn't go through life regretting not exploring the other side of my attractions, so we went our separate ways. We're still good friends now, but it hasn't been easy.
