I'm a brand new member of emptyclosets (HI!) so i don't really know how it works very well. I just thought I would share a bit about myself and maybe someone has advice for me? Okay, so I came out to my parents a couple months ago as Pansexual. At the time I was with my partner. They just recently came out as genderfluid. (They used to identify as female). To be honest, It doesn't bother me AT ALL because i love them no matter what. My parents whoever are getting used to the idea. First, I'm in a lesbian relationship and now they have to remember the right pronouns for my partner. They are having quite a hard time adjusting. On the other hand, i'm not even sure of my own sexuality. I know for sure I am panromantic. I just think i might be asexual. So, i enjoy romantic relationships I just don't want anything to do with sex and sexual activity. I'm pretty sure but not 100%. Could it just be because i'm younger and not mature enough? Most people my age are interested in sex and making out but I'm not AT ALL. How do I tell my partner I might be asexual? (BTW we've never had sex or anything). They seem to always be wanting sex and sending like kinky messages. It's making it really hard because when we see eachother, i'm always afraid i might end up in a situation where I have to say no. I don't want to hurt their feelings or anything. I also don't want them to break up with me because I can't offer sex. We're planning on moving in together in 5 months, we would have our own apartment and they kept saying things about what we would do in bed. (EW) I just don't know what to do. We even plan on getting married and i've always seen people in movies break up because the sex was bad or they didn't have any. I'm struggling to keep myself safe because situations like these are ones that cause me to feel suicidal. I just got out of hospital (I have a long history of suicide attempts) and my partner has been very supportive about all that but now i feel stuck and like something bad might happen soon. I'm just used to not trying to fix problems and instead running away from them by trying to kill myself. Does anyone have any advice :icon_redf
It is very, very likely that you are not asexual, at least if we are using the definition used by pretty much everyone except a tiny minority that's created its own unrecognized definition. Asexuality, by the widely-accepted definition, is a hardwired sexual orientation, in the same way that homo and heterosexuality is. Since it is hardwired, it cannot be changed. Only a very tiny portion of the population is asexual according to this definition. There are an overwhelming number of people who, in their mid-teens, enjoy the emotional connection with others but show no interest in sexual activity. That's completely normal and well within the spectrum of ordinary homosexual or heterosexual behavior. More than likely this is simply something you'll get in touch with a little bit later in your teens. This isn't to say you aren't mature or anything like that, just that different people experience these things at different stages... some not until their early to mid 20s! There's also the possibility that something in your past -- messages from parents, trauma, abusive experiences -- has impacted your interest in sex. If so, that, too, is something that can be addressed with therapy. So, at least for me, instead of labeling myself as anything in particular, I'd opt to talk to my partner, frankly, about my feelings, without any label attached. It is often really difficult and awkward and embarrassing to talk about sexual things, even among partners... but it shouldn't be. If you can simply open up about it, perhaps just starting by saying that it's awkward and diffiicult to talk about, I think you'll be surprised at how open and accepting your partner can be. And... as you give it time, I can give you about a 99% possibility that you'll eventually feel more comfortable with the idea of exploring your sexual self.
