WARNING - LONG RANT AHEAD. Hi, as my profile reads, I'm gay and somewhat out. Parents, sister and a few friends from school have either been told or worked it out. However, there is a large group of friends and co-workers that I see regularly who do not explicitly know. A lot of these people are gymnasts and a few are freerunners and trickers (gymnastics crossed with dance). The gymnasts certainly know gay people and in general are ok with them, though the others can have a somewhat homophobic streak due to the more "macho" nature of parkour. However, something they all seem to have in common is they don't like and understand bi-sexuality. I was having a conversation with a bunch of them yesterday (the topic of sex comes up a lot with gymnasts for some reason) and we were speculating on the future sexuality of our coach's 5yo son, who is rather girly, asks to wear dresses and makeup, but the other day randomly went up to a well endowed girl and groped her breasts. Most of us were arguing "he's gay" or "no he like boobs so he's straight" so I threw in, perhaps he's bi. The discussion stopped and everyone looked at me like I said I'd shat myself. "No, he can't be bi, that's just greedy". "You're gay or straight, pick one." "Anyone who's bi or bi-curious is just lying or a slut". All the worn out tropes were tossed around for the next five minutes. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and was actually rather upset that a group of people I'd thought were so progressive and accepting could stoop to biphobia and bisexual erasure. I'm not bisexual myself, so hopefully they would still be okay with me, but it's the principle of the thing. How can we live in a time where one can finally marry the person they love, regardless of gender or sex, but people still don't believe that someone can equally enjoy men's and women's bodies? Then it got me thinking. We all like to joke around with each other, frequently people are made the butt of various rude and lewd jokes and pranks, and gay jokes are still quite firmly embedded in the roster. Another coach responsible for the international teams recently came out, stating he was marrying a man this summer (good for him), and all most people did was joke that girls wouldn't be able to just flash their breasts at him to get a place in the team, or maybe they could somehow turn him straight again if they were pretty and well-endowed enough. My coach, who throws out crude one-liners about every taboo topic possible yet still professes an acceptance for gay people, has openly stated he would be less than happy if his son (the one we speculating on) were gay or transgender. His wife who is also one of my coaches initially said she'd be okay if he was gay because she'd get to keep her adorable mummy's boy forever, but after the breast-grabbing incident, seemed to express relief at her son's now "confirmed" heterosexuality. I both work and train with these people almost every day of the week. I've known some of them for coming up to ten years now amd my coach has taken me and my friends to international competitions all over the world. That's the sort of friend you're supposed to introduce to your boyfriend and everyone will congratulate you on finding someone while poking gentle fun at your lovey-dovey behaviour. They should be the people you'd invite to your wedding. But how can I remain solid friends with them when they find perfectly normal parts of the LGBT community so abhorrent? If they don't see gay people anything more than the punchline to their next joke, how can I ever introduce them to my future husband. I barely have a friend circle outside this group, that how big a part of my life they are supposed to be, but several of my other friends ARE bisexual, and my older cousin, whom I love dearly is a lesbian (a few of the girls have expressed discomfort and disgust with lesbians). I feel like the two halves of my life could never intertwine when all of their lives are lived happily darting between the two, bringing in their opposite sex boy and girlfriends, taking photos of us together to be pit on social media for the world to see. If I tried that, I feel like I'd be strung up, hanged drawn and quartered. It sucks that in a sport with one of the highest gay populations and gay acceptance, I can still feel like such a pariah. RANT OVER.
As a bisexual individual, the whole assumption that bi people are "greedy or "sluts" is idiotic. My mom at first said that she didn't like bisexual people before she knew I was bi. Now she's (thankfully) okay with it so it's all good. My mom made the assumption that bi people look at everybody and can't be in a committed relationship for long because of their attraction to both sexes. I feel your pain bro.
I think a lot of people make the misconception that sexuality is either black or white, homo or hetero, and think that bisexuality is just people who are 'on the fence' about Being gay. Honestly, it's odd how close minded people really are to these things because they don't understand things fully. I just wish people would take the time to look into these things themselves instead of forming their opinions on the stereotypes of others. I hope you can find a way to cope with your co-workers, and maybe even convince them that there's nothing wrong with being bi. (*hug*)
People like labels, and don't like anyone who messes with their labels. Labeling is a human brain thing. Evolved human nature doesn't like ambiguity because not knowing exactly what something is could mean death when picking berries or hunting animals. The only counter to human nature is education, so if they actually met someone who's bisexual they'd realize that the concept they're making fun of is actually a person and they wouldn't be so harsh. Also I think that they just like to make jokes maybe? For people like that, everyone is fair game if nobody actually goes out and says that they're offended. If they didn't really mean to hurt you, you could ask them to tone it down a bit. That's just my opinion anyway, good luck
Thanks guys, I feel a bit less frazzled now (&&&) I know a few bisexual people personally, so hopefully I can use their stories (anonymously) to try and convince my coworkers of bisexuality's validity.
I've noticed that people like to be "tolerant" of gays and lesbians but really say it for politically correct reasons. Their true colors show when someone close to them comes out of the closet (or openly support gays). I feel really sorry for the OP's situation.
It's really sad.. I mean, the way I identify to people is bisexual, as I would be open to relationships with either in the future. And, I've gotten some mean comments about it. "So you go around asking out every person you see?" Some people don't seem to understand...Being bisexual, I still have a taste, it's just, gender and sex aren't important factors in deciding who I like. Some bisexuals are polyamorous, but people automatically associate that with cheating. Straight and gay people can also be polyamorous. They're also just as likely to cheat, and that's what people don't get. I was asked, by some jerk in my camp "So, the next person you go out with, will it be a boy or a girl? You have to choose." It's not like that. I'm not straight 3 days a week and gay 4 days. I'm bisexual... It's so hard to explain to people who don't get it though. OP, hope things work out with your coworkers.. (*hug*)
