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Confused! How to understand this situation?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Justabutt, Jul 24, 2015.

  1. Justabutt

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    TL;DR - I met this guy, everything went smooth but suddenly he got cold feet and isn't interested but every time I try to move on he hits on me and flirts - What should I do?

    So I went out on a date with a wonderful guy - Everything seemed to go well, we cuddled for a little after going to a trampoline park and seeing a movie. He kissed me goodbye and we had fun just goofing off while he was here. For instance he is super ticklish and I would just tickle him, making him squirm and laugh. He enjoyed himself, loved the attention (His words).

    When he got home the next day (from work) when I asked him if he'd like to give it another shot in a couple weeks he said sure... then a couple hours later told me he wasn't interested, that it all moved too quickly. He keeps reminding me he was good friends with his previous two partners, I reminded him that I wasn't trying to move quickly and that if he was uncomfortable coming to my place he should have said. The entire time he was laughing and he seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself.

    I told him that if he was just playing me like every other guy, even if he didn't seem the type to do so, I asked him politely to just leave because I've dealt with it too much in the past. He retorted that if things ended now it would hurt him and most likely would make him depressed. We talked about why things went so south and why he seemed to change his mind so much - I think it's cause he's afraid to be hurt again and he keeps saying that it moved too quickly. I gave him the option, my personality type is that of one who can make the most fresh relationship feel years old. It's both a blessing and a curse.

    This morning we spoke before we went to work - again - and he wants to hang out, he wants to be my friend. I am okay with this but he keeps also hinting more than just wanting to be friends. For instance I often call him beautiful and asked if this was a boundary I shouldn't cross and his exact reply was "no - I like it and it makes me blush. You're so handsome." He keeps pulling me back in by doing this stuff every time I want to try to move on. I really like him and he doesn't seem to want more from me but he doesn't want less either. What do I do? Be his friend and see where it leads? Move on and strike other prospects? Push him to answer why he does this?

    Thanks EC - I really need your advice on this one.
     
    #1 Justabutt, Jul 24, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2015
  2. Gravity

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    Take him at his word - he's telling you he wants to go slow, so take things slow. And if you need to move faster than he's willing, then it's also okay to tell him that this isn't the right situation for you. :slight_smile:

    However, I'll also add - relationships that start quickly have a tendency to end quickly. There may be a virtue to taking time to get to know him as a friend (and being honest about his needs up front strikes me as a good sign). Try something new and give slow a shot - you might surprise yourself!
     
  3. awesomeyodais

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    You can always move on, by yourself, without putting opportunities for him to tell you to move on (calling him beautiful, then asking if that's something he doesn't want anymore).

    Or you can take it slow, see where it goes. Seems you both have some sort of compatibility and like each other in some way already.
    Here's another thought - talk about what going too fast means for both of you. He said he got spooked, but is it because of talking too often? time between dates? the types of activities during dates? meeting in neutral places vs your or his? the amount of physical intimacy (hugging tickling full-on sex it can all be seen as a continuum) or even emotional/personal intimacy, talking about "deep" personal stuff?

    "Going too fast" is one of those unfortunate expression used a lot without having a commonly agreed definition