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First same-sex experience in late twenties or later…

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Houdini, Jul 25, 2015.

  1. Houdini

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    Most people assume that when you are in your late twenties or older that you have had some kind of dating/relationship experience. I do have experience but only with men and not women and I am a bit anxious as how people (in my case hopefully women) will react when I tell them. I don’t want to be laughed at or be told that I am just a straight girl experimenting…

    I guess I would like to know about your experiences (good or bad) or how it is to be the partner of someone who has no experience beforehand.

    Would love any kind of insight cause thinking about it terrifies me a bit…
     
  2. flNiceGuy

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    trust me you will figure it out once u r there... right now you seem to be fixated with hypothetical future.. once it becomes a reality u will intuitively know how to handle it..
     
  3. ccdd

    ccdd Guest

    I think it's quite common for gay/bi people to have had few or not same-sex experiences when in their late twenties. There's the whole thing of having to come out and deal with society's pressure and the fact that there are fewer gay people to have relationships with!

    I think that very few people would see it as a problem or as reflecting negatively on you or anything. Certainly I wouldn't - and I've come across more women in their late twenties/early thirties with only a little experience than 'experienced' ones who look down on others.

    I haven't had a serious relationship as such with a woman yet, but I have found that in the experiences I have had having had relationships / encounters with men prepared me for a lot - eg. how to interact, flirt, act, be respectful, communicate boundaries, etc. I mean, I do still get nervous myself as many women my age are more experienced than me - but in practice it's less of a problem in real life than it is in my head. And I've also found the fact that I've been in opposite-sex relationships helpful in ways I didn't really think about before - just in terms of knowing how to 'do' sexual encounters or a relationship.

    If someone tells you you're a straight girl experimenting, I'd seriously wonder whether you should be with them! (Depending upon context and how it was said).

    But mainly I think it's quite common. I also think that the other person can often get their cue from you, so whilst it's good to be open and honest (ie. don't pretend you have more experience than you don't), this can be done confidently.
     
  4. Spartan 117

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    Echoing what Ccdd just said, your situation isn't particularly unusual. I wouldn't assume how much dating experience anyone had, unless they told me. :slight_smile: I haven't got a whole load of advice for you. However, I am around your age, and if a guy I liked said they had no experience dating men it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I might even feel flattered that they'd chosen me to be their first experience!

    Honestly, if they're anything like decent people - they really won't care. They'll be dating you for you, not for your past experience. :slight_smile: It's probably more of a problem for you, confidence wise, than it'd ever be for your partner. But rest assured you have nothing to worry about - if the connection is there, you'll be surprised how natural it all feels.
     
  5. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I don't have any experiences either. It's never bothered anyone. Gay people on average are more likely to gain experience late in life due to being closeted or just not knowing.
     
  6. Linthras

    Linthras Guest

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    You're not alone.
    25 years, almost 26 old virgin here.
    Only have had 3 relationships so far, all with the opposite sex, none lasting long enough to do anything sexual.
     
  7. Aspen

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    I'm early twenties but my girlfriend and I only had experience with men. I was a virgin, she wasn't. It's not at all abnormal. We had some insecurities but we talked through them and everything's been great. There have been some awkward moments but then there usually are when you're interacting with a new person. Learning is part of the fun and it comes more naturally than you think it will.
     
  8. tulipinacup

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    There's been users here who claimed to have their first same-sex experience during their 50's even around 60's. I'm replying to this thread to remind you that there is nothing to worry about not having these experiences. Your sexuality does not validate which type of people you've had sex with and what matters is who you are really are attracted to and sometimes given the circumstances such as trying to hide away your true sexuality to people or not being sure of it may give you this type of dilemma you are going through.
     
  9. EvilRegal

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    Most will not judge you for having no same sex experience. As long as they know you are not playing with them I think most women would be understanding and cool with it.
     
  10. Houdini

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    Well that is kind of one of my problems.I tend to overthink everything...
    That's why it helps me to read about the experience of others. So thanks everyone...
     
  11. Filip

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    I think it is, indeed, important to not overthink matters.
    But that doesn't mean that overthinking isn't natural.

    Myself, I took until my mid-20s (26 to be exact) until coming out. After that, I didn't immediately jump into dating either. So by the time I had my first date, first kiss, and first of pretty much everything else, I was just shy of 30.

    And... I was really just amazd to find out that, in the end, I knew pretty well what to do. I mean, it's not as if everything was faultless, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle either. Talking to a guy, going for dinner, kissing, and even when we got to the bedroom: It all really was a mix of following my instinct and communicating clearly and openly.

    It did help, of course, that I was dating a guy with similar experience to mine (i.e. none). But he could have insisted on not dating a newbie, and didn't choose to do so!


    And even now, a couple years later: while I don't intend to dump my boyfriend anytime soon, if I ended up single and dating someone else, their previous experience or lack of it wouldn't phase me too much. It's far more important that they be interesting and compatible and that we have a click. Getting experience together should then be fun, regardless of what did or didn't come before! :wink:


    The most important thing to know really is this: you have nothing to be ashamed of.
    Yes, it's going to come up at some point. But you shouldn't apologise for it. It isn't a failure. You didn't sit in a basement somewhere. In the story of your life, many interesting things happened, but a same-sex relationship wasn't one of them.

    And, as mentioned above: anyone unable to understand that is not someone you should be with in the first place.