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Does this dude like me?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by shyguyww, Jul 26, 2015.

  1. shyguyww

    Regular Member

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    So I meet this guy about three weeks ago thru an app. We both liked each other and then he said hi. I'm always careful when meeting guys thru apps, and I like to talk to them for a while before meeting in person, and this has only happened a few times. He lives about two hours away from me. We are both in the closet, although we have acknowledged that our friends and family know that we are into dudes.

    So the first time we chat he is already saying how he wants to come down to where I live and meet me, and at that point I'm thinking he just wants to hook up, which I had never done before with an unknown man on the first date. So I agree, since he is super hot. Since we met online, we talk every single day, and even text when we are both at work. He is super nice, humble, really smart, really good looking, has goals, sarcastic, funny and we have so many things in common. So on our first date, I come to realize this guy is a really nice catch. We hooked up that night at the beach, and had a really great time. After that he has come to see me two more times (where I'm from, driving two hours is considered a lot), and we've had a great time every time. He has stayed over twice. We've hung out, went to the beach, went for dinner, etc.

    I feel very insecure about him because I've never felt really in love with someone. I have a hard time trusting people and I am always the one in the relationship that is less interested. But I feel different this time around. I'm feeling something I've never felt before, with a guy or girl, and I feel that this time around he is the one that is not really interested. I've explicitly told him a couple of times I like him, and feel for him something I've never felt before (not that I love him or anything, just like him very much). He always responds positively, but doesn't convince me for some reason. I'm just wondering if he is dating me just to hook up or does he really like me?

    We've been talking/texting all day every day since we first matched on that app, and when I don't respond quickly to calls/texts he gets pretty anxious. He ended a 5 year relationship with a woman about six months ago, and he was engaged, which is why I think he may be trying to take it slow. Again I've told him a couple of times how much I like him, and he too at times (not as much as me though). I also worry a lot because he is very good looking and he must have a ton of guys hit on him. He did close the app right after we matched (I know because I still have it, and he hasn't been online). Last time he came I wanted him to stay another night but he said he couldn't because "he had to do stuff early in the morning". When we talked the next day I find out he woke up late and did nothing. He then said he didn't stay because we would have gone to bed late and then would have missed work...Also the other day he got anxious because I wasn't answering my phone (I was exercising). When I called him back I told him I was with a guy (joking), and he didn't take it bad (does this mean anything?). I immediately told him I was joking.

    So what do you guys think? Am I worrying to much? Is he just being careful? Should I stop saying how much I like him so he doesn't feel harassed? I was talking to two other guys when I met him, which I immediately ended after we dated because of my strong feelings. Should I date other guys? I once told him I'm not seeing anyone else (he didn't ask, it kind of slipped out of my mouth), and he didn't tell me it was the same for him. I don't know if I should ask him. Any advice is welcome. Thanks!
     
  2. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

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    You are overthinking things, so try to relax, enjoy your conversations and dates together and see how things develop between the two of you. It's still early days and at this stage he may not be ready to let down all of his barriers and defences, so I would urge you to be patient and give him time to work out what he wants. If he was totally disinterested in you he would not have maintained contact.

    Just be careful about joking about other guys. He may not have said anything bad in response, but if he doesn't think you are serious, he may not allow things to become serious either. It follows that you shouldn't go dating other guys if you want something deeper than a hook up or fwb's with this guy.