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Intergenerational Dating

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Jax12, Jul 27, 2015.

  1. Jax12

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    I'm dating a guy right now that is a lot older than me. I am in no way looking for a father figure, nor do I see him as a sugar daddy. I love him for who he is; we clicked from day one.

    As surprising as it sounds, we are quite compatible outside the bedroom: we like to watch movies, listen to each other's music, and we're planning a road trip soon.

    However, it seems that out of practicality, he does most of the payment, like buying groceries, taking me out for dinners, etc. I also pay for him as well, because I don't want him paying for everything.

    The only issue that I seem to have is age. I've talked about this with him, but I feel like I'm inhibiting his love life and I feel like he could be happier with someone else. There's only so much that I can do, but I'd do anything for him. If we look past the numbers, I am truly in love with him because of who he is.

    Why not date guys my age? They're full of drama and shit that I'm really not interested in. They can certainly be great friends because of our similar interests in terms of music and whatnot, but it feels more natural for me to go for someone that is older.

    Anyone else here dating someone a lot older/younger? An advice?
     
    #1 Jax12, Jul 27, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2015
  2. justin88

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    Some say a number is just a number and others would say no way, age difference matters. Here's what I say, who cares what others think. You're happy, yea? He's happy? That's a solid foundation for a relationship right there!

    I have no experience dating someone older so I can't give you advice there. All I can say is if you're both happy, then why not! :slight_smile:
     
  3. Jax12

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    Yeah we're both really happy at the moment, thanks for reminding me that! I just get scared of the future that's all.
     
  4. Hobbes

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    I would worry about it. You love each other, and that's enough. I have a friend who is 21, his wife is 30. They are in love and happy. If you're in the same position, but if you're happy, then don't try and fix something that isn'isn't broken.
     
  5. shane0595

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    You think you are limiting him? A lot of gay guys would kill for a younger boyfriend! Usually the opposite is true: the older person feels like they are not good enough for the younger one. not sure why the insecurities, but i'm sure he's thrilled to have a younger guy. and, by the way, there's nothing wrong with a daddy/boy role-play either. anything that works among consenting adults is ok. embrace what you have!

    ---------- Post added 28th Jul 2015 at 09:32 AM ----------

    p.s. when i met my bf i was 34 and he was 49. he is now 68 and i'm 53. we've been together 19 years. no worries. sometimes what we are looking for is right in front of us. don't let your insecurities mess up a good thing.
     
  6. Sek

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    A lot of factors come into play for "intergenerational" dating. It's not about the age difference; it's about what the age difference brings. There's an inevitable 'power' relationship between the two people, not only economically but mentally. One person has a wealth of experience and maturity that can be used against the other -- think parent-child kind of maturity gap with a twist.

    If an age gap relationship is to work, there has to be an acknowledgement of this and strict boundaries set. Anything that makes the relationship one-sided has to be completely off-limits. The relationship should be generally a 50/50 share of things, as soon as it's unevenly split it can lead to abusive requests or expectations. That's the extreme, yet completely possible case. It's not so uncommon.

    Also you have to bare in mind that the age gap right now might not be weird, but eventually it could become uncomfortable. You're 18 years old, I'm not sure how old he is. But give it 10 years and you'll be 28. If you were still together, would you be comfortable as a 28 year old being with someone of his age then, given the likelihood your peers will be with people of similar ages?

    I am a general believer that age gap relationships do not work out long-term. If you can make it work then all power to you. But don't sweep issues under the rug with the idea that 'love conquers all', because the psychology of the human mind is a heavier burden on a relationship than love can always excuse. The only way love can potentially last in this case is if you face the issues completely openly and find compromises to overcome them.