The plot thickens! - Father issues, suspicion and a new face

So on the way home from the hospital where we visited my grandpa, I brought up the topic of children and partners again. Whenever I'd spoken to him about how I don't want any children and that getting someone as a partner isn't one of my priorities, he just went silent with the well-known grim expression on his face. The kind of expression I talked about here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/156269-introduction-seeking-advice.html

I grabbed the opportunity to ask him directly about it, because it frustrates me to no end that he cannot fucking respond to something he disagrees with, but shuts the fuck up instead.
He explained to me that in his opinion having children is the normal thing to do, so the family bloodline would continue (also I asked him why is that important, and he said "because it's normal"). Also, he claimed that for him having an opposite sex partner (wife or just a common-law wife) is the normal thing to do, and it is the thing that makes a man's life whole.
I asked him what kind of life he intended me to have, and he said that the same, because that's normal. Normal, normal, normal - that was the underlying message of our discussion. He wants me to live the Straight Man's Dream with my wife, with my children. It was incredibly depressing to hear all these, but at least now I know his stance on this matter.

The thing that makes me worried is that he emphasized that it has to be an opposite sex partner. He glorifies having a partner, but only if it's not of the same sex. Why would he emphasize it? I think he's worried that I might not be straight and tries to "change my mind" if I was. The problem is, he's not the only one that suspects.

My cousin is a girl and she's the one who is the closest one to me in the whole family, and she told me that her mom, my "beloved", psychotic Auntie said a few times in the past that I might be gay because I've never had a girlfriend.
I told her that her mom bases her idea on the false assumption that if I had someone she would definitely know about it (but seriously, I don't tell her anything because she's quite literally crazy as fuck). Also, we talked about gay people and she told me she doesn't have a problem with them, only if they are too stereotypically gay and their lives revolve around their sexuality. Also - and that surprised me - when I jokingly told her that "And if you were a lesbian, then what? Who cares?", she told me "Yeah, what if I am? Who knows?"

It would be great to have an ally in the middle of the Homophobian Ocean of my family. Especially that yesterday I managed to talk to the second non-straight person on Skype and we plan to meet soon. I'm not expecting anything to happen, because I told him that by "befriending" I mean exactly that, like between two straight guys, and he seemed to have accepted it. It would be awesome to have another person whom I can share this part of my life with.

My question is: how should I deal with my father and my aunt, and the whole situation?

 

I was in a similar position recently, but unfortunately my grandma passed away. I was thinking about telling her, but I think not telling her was for the best. She's very very traditional, and since her death was so sudden I couldn't prepare myself.

I also thought about telling my grandpa, but he's dealing with too much right now, and so I do not plan on telling him either. I do plan on telling my relatives, but that's later. Call me selfish, but I do not plan to upset my grandpa anymore than he already is.

This it how I would do it in my situation. As for yours, there's a lot of pressure to be normal no doubt, but his opinions are his opinions, not yours. I think as a father, it's his job to teach you things in the way he thinks will work best for you, but that's up for you to decide on whether he's right or not.

 

I guess you're right, I can't change what they think.

My cousin has always had problems with keeping her mouth shut, so right now i wouldn't take that risk. There is one friend of mine who's never said anything bad about LGBT, or at least I don't remember. My other friends always say "that's gay", or "Tim Cook is a cock-sucking faggot" and such, so they are out of question.

Well, my aunt is the kind of crazy that got stuck in adolescence, and has an undiluted malevolent nature. She's always telling everyone off for every little thing, she's trying to control everyone, especially her daughter (to the point that we're meeting next week to find out how she can get away from home for good), and she has a tendency to lie and twist things others said to be able to bitch about and denigrate them.

I've thought it through, and realized that if the shitstorm really hits, I have a place to go, so at least I wouldn't be homeless if my father disowned me. Somehow it came up that day in the evening, and I asked if he would throw me out for whatever reason. He said that he wouldn't, but I guess my future coming out will decide whether it's the truth or not.

I'm a bit worried about this new guy in a sense that spending time with him might heighten the suspicion around me, or even lead to me being outed somehow before I'm ready. I definitely want to wait until I have my shit together, meaning the new job is working out, and my grandpa's issue has been solved.