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Friends pretend to support me.. Scared for my safety..How to deal?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by CatEyes, Jul 30, 2015.

  1. CatEyes

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2015
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Middle East
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hey,
    So I came out as bi to my two closest friends maybe 6 months ago. It seemed that they didn't mind it at all and were supportive, and that was great, especially as one of them comes from a very religious background.
    Over time they started asking the usual questions of "am I sure I'm not just gay?" And "maybe you're just confused?".
    I dealt with those ok, but then it started being: "Well, don't you NEED a penis to have sex?", "I don't know why you would find women attractive", "I'd feel like you're replacing me if you had a girlfriend" etc.. Though some of these statements actually kind of offended me, I tried my best to be patient and open minded about any question.
    I heard about a pride parade going to happen near my city and asked them if they would be willing to go with me because I felt uncomfortable going alone. They both agreed and said they'd be happy to. Today was the parade, and as I was getting ready to go and they sent me a message that they can't go because of work and homework. Knowing how important it was to me for them to be there, and for weeks saying they would go with me. They just were too busy. (I go to school, have a part time job, another intern job and volunteer work and I could still find the time).
    So I didn't go. I wanted to but I was so scared to go alone. I just stayed at home and cried and felt sorry for myself. Then I see on the news 6 people were stabbed at the parade by dome religious extremist. I sent a message to my friends all upset and freaked out about it only for one to reply with "that sucks" and go on to talk about the amazing wine her boyfriend got for her. The other just sent a sad face.
    I feel like this whole thing makes them uncomfortable and they don't fully support me. I don't know what to do because I don't have anyone to talk to as they're the only one's I've come out to. They've been my friends for over 8 years...
    I don't know. Their reaction and the things going on here with the stabbing are not comforting. I just feel lost. :help:
     
  2. fern96

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2015
    Messages:
    29
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    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Out Status:
    A few people
    To be honest, they sound homophobic. There certainly is a high level of ignorance present, but some malice is there, too. When homophobic straight people ask, "Are you sure you're bi? Maybe you're gay", what they're trying to do is distance themselves from you. To them, it's inconceivable that liking the same gender, which is bad, can coexist with liking the 'opposite' gender, which is good. It suits their idea of morality much more if the two can be completely separated, for the sake of maintaining 'good' or 'bad', commonly under the guise of 'normal' or 'weird'.

    If you want, you could find some books or essays about bisexuality or homosexuality you like and ask them to read it. Explain to them the basics you want them to know and tell them that you value their support and feel that it is a dangerous environment to be in and that you'd appreciate some comfort. Them giving rubbish excuses to not attend Pride was poor. The most important thing they understand, IMO, is to not out you or anyone else. If you think they're being actively malicious about it, you should slowly, but kindly, distance yourself from them.