Hello. I am a female with a wife. Together for 10 years and married for one. We have had a rough couple years and I have checked out of our marriage. There is little communication, lesbian bed death, and in general just become boring. I told her we needed to have sex, make a schedule for it. We went on a short vacation and nothing happened. I got tired of feeling rejected. I found myself missing men and thinking about a future with them. I told my wife about my feelings and how I wasn't happy anymore. She told me to go figure it out and we separated 3 months ago. Now she wants me to come home and tells me how things will be different. I have in the meantime met a man I am crazy about. I love my wife. She is a good person but I am not in love anymore. I feel so guilty for walking away and my emotions are all over the place. I think about going back because I care for her so much but fear things wil go back to how they were before. This is the second time we have separated for living more like roommates than lovers. I don't know what to do. I'm in therapy and we have been together. Please help.
It sounds like you are doing the right things (therapy, taking time to figure out what you want). Are you compatible out of bed? Like, if the sex were better, would that fix things? How open to experimenting in bed is she? Could you introduce novelty in the form of toys, role play, new positions, etc? Would either (both) of you consider staying together but allowing dating with this man (or others)? My husband and I have hit slumps before, but after I came out last year my sex drive went back through the roof. He is only interested in monogamy, so we have found other ways to get creative so I'm not going too crazy.
I dont know if the sex we better if that would fix things. The sex isnt bad by any means, when it happens. We have tried new toys, and other ideas but its just not helping. We live like friends. Hang out and watch netflix. She said I could have a man on occasion and then revoked that statement. To be honest I have always struggled with being comfortable in my skin as a lesbian. It got to the point where sex with her just felt wrong. I have expressed my feelings, I have never hid anything from her and have been honest. I just dont know if I can or want to try again. My family love my wife but say i was inside the box and all they saw was misery and unhappiness
