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Found out my girlfriend is engaged to someone else

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by blossoms, Aug 2, 2015.

  1. blossoms

    blossoms Guest

    I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a few months now, although we've been flirting and had a few dates for about 7/8 months. I recently found out that she has a second Facebook account (with a different surname - she left it logged on accidentally on my laptop) and I saw on there that she's engaged to another woman. I thought at first that it was just a jokey friendship thing, but I did a bit of snooping and saw photos of the two of them looking very loved up and comments from their friends saying what a gorgeous couple they were etc. and one recent comment from my girlfriend's mum said how glad she was to see them looking so happy. This obviously started alarm bells ringing in my head and so I brought it up with my girlfriend who basically told me that she was engaged but they are in the process of breaking up because things aren't working and that ever since she met me, I'm all she can think about. I really want to believe her but honestly I can't help but doubt her.

    I told her that I think we should end our relationship because I don't want to be the other woman but she told me that I'm the only girl she wants and that she's never felt like this with anyone else before. Am I just being naive? I feel like she's telling the truth but at the same time, shes still engaged to someone else and that makes me feel sick to be involved in something like that. I've not got the support of my family at the moment so I can't talk to them about this and I'm just so lost :frowning2: I feel so dirty because I don't want to lose her but at the same time she's engaged. I'm just so stressed out, I don't know what to do :frowning2:
     
  2. Chiroptera

    Admin Team Full Member

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    Hey blossoms,

    I think you should break up with her. You deserve someone who respects you, and not someone who hide things from you. A relationship must based on mutual trust, respect and, above all, truth. A relationship where one part hides things isn't a healthy relationship, and, if she did hide this from you, she will hide others things.

    You deserve someone better.
     
  3. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    I completely agree with Chiroptera.

    Authenticity is absolutely at the core of any relationship. Whether or not she really feels the way she says she does, she hasn't been at all open with you and would have been happy for you to never know about this other person. People who do this in one circumstance nearly always do it in other circumstances... meaning, they cannot be trusted.

    As much as it hurts, you need to get out now. You deserve someone who loves you for you, for who you are, and fully and authenticcally. You deserve someone who will be completely open and honest. She's lacking in both areas.

    You deserve way better.
     
  4. Andrew99

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    Hey blossoms (*hug*)

    Honestly if shes engaged to someone even if she's in the "process of breaking up" how long does she need? I mean you've been dating this girl for months!

    Go with your gut. You probably feel like you can't trust her so I hope you go with your gut and move on from her.

    Best of luck :thumbsup:
     
  5. blossoms

    blossoms Guest

    Hi everyone. As hard as it is to admit, I think you're right. I can't be with someone who I don't feel like I can trust completely and deep down I think I know that it's not fair to either me or her fiancée. Deep down I think I know that breaking up with her is the right decision. I feel like I've been kinda betrayed already and even though I've not got the best experience with relationships, I'm pretty sure that that's not a great sign for a new couple :frowning2: ahhh I'm honestly dreading talking to her now because of what I'm going to have to say but you've helped to clear my head a bit. I think I craved her affection so much that I felt a bit blinded and naive to what the actual situation is.
    Thank you guys so much, I really appreciate your honesty
     
  6. lovely lesbian

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    How can she be engaged to two people and think that is ok? It's not I think you should break up with her
     
  7. Aspen

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    I know it's not easy, but I think everyone's right. I'm sorry that she hid this from you.

    "they are in the process of breaking up"

    What does this even mean? It's breaking off an engagement, not a divorce. She should have been up-front about everything if she was serious about leaving her fiancee for you. The fact that she wasn't is a huge red flag.
     
  8. BiKate

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    She's not the one. She shouldn't of started dating you if she was "in the process" of breaking up. There is no process when you're engaged, you just end it.
    And she should have told you straight up that she was in the process of breaking up. I know when I nearly became involved with somebody a little after my break up, before anything got serious I told them I had recently gone through a break up, because that's something people should know.
    She hasn't been honest with you, and I can say from mine (and friends) experiences, that if she's already not being honest with you about something like this so early on, she's going to betray you a lot more in the future. Get out now before you fall anymore for her.
     
  9. thepandaboss

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    Honestly, I'm really sorry you had to go through this. It's pretty terrible that after all that, she wasn't even upfront and honest about her situation from the beginning. I mean, when was she even planning on telling you? You had to hunt to even know what was going on. I mean, think about it. You've been with her about 8 months and you've never even met her family.

    As much as it hurts, cut her loose. It's really easy to hold on to someone even when they're damaging, because being alone can feel scary or you're excited about the idea of being in a relationship.

    You shouldn't feel guilty. You didn't know. I hope the next relationship is an amazing one.