Getting over someone

Just wondering here what you do to get over someone quickly? Something that has actually worked, please?

I started developing feelings for a guy last year. I was foolish to have let it happen because, well, let's just say I have a track record for liking guys who turn out to be straight as an arrow, are still playing the field, and don't have the same feelings for me.

I took a job in another town earlier this year and for months we didn't keep in touch. It might be because I became cold and distant in the final weeks leading up to my move, after forcing myself to get real. It was disappointing that he never initiated any contact because I thought he would have cared enough to at least ask me how things are going, given how well we used to get along. It did help me forget him for a while though.

I recently realised the feelings are still there when I saw news feeds about him on FB (he wasn't very active before). I made the mistake of texting him while the feelings are still fresh. I unfollowed him on FB but then he started an account on another social media app I'm on where I saw a couple of photos clearly indicating he's spent the night with someone. I hate that it affected me when it really should only serve as another piece of evidence that it is all hopeless.

Is there anything anyone has done that's really helped them move on? I really want to be rid of these pointless thoughts and feelings. I’m seriously considering moving further away to a newer, more interesting environment where I can get completely absorbed in things and perhaps meet that special someone. At the firm I work for it shouldn't be difficult to get a transfer. In fact, such a career move is often encouraged, although I'm not sure how much it will help.

 

Thanks, guys.

I'm doing most of what you have suggested and it still gets difficult because the thoughts and feelings come and go. Sometimes it can completely distract me from what I'm doing and put me in a challenging place thinking about 'what ifs'.

There were a few times when his actions and behaviour left me wondering if there was more. In the beginning it was he who tried to get my attention, spent time with me and my friends, invited me instead of people he'd known longer to parties where I knew absolutely no one, asked me lots of questions about myself, talked about how his country is one of the first to be accepting of homosexuality, behaved sheepishly and playfully around me like a boy with a childhood crush and all.

The way he treated me felt more intimate than the way he treated others -- his voice gentle, his eyes filled with warmth and a depth of emotions I've not seen in other friends. There were a couple of times when our mutual friends have commented on there being something going on between us. I don't know how far it's true, but a mutual close friend told me he cried for whatever reason when they were having lunch together, and urged me to contact him a couple of weeks after I left acting really cold towards him at my farewell dinner.

However he never said or did anything that made it clear whether or not he had feelings for me. Not to mention he often talked about the girls he found attractive, how unfortunate it is that they had boyfriends, his flirting games, getting approached by and 'attacking' girls on nights out etc. The kind of friends he parties with are the highly promiscuous Mediterranean type as well, one of whom I heard is in an open relationship.

Because of these I dismissed him quite early on as just another typical young player who loves to sleep around like an evening sporting event. The kind of promiscuous, casanova-like behaviour disgusts me, frankly. I tried to act as cool as possible around him and later I even avoided him several times, and yet I stupidly developed feelings for him. Sometimes I can clearly picture us being so happy together if only he'd come after me for a fully committed relationship; other times I just wish I'd never met him.

What is most difficult is the thought of him being with someone else, which is ironic because he loves what he calls 'hunting'. I remember seeing him adding slender and attractive girls on Facebook almost every weekend and it affected me every time. The pages he likes are of female models looking sexy in bikinis and all.

It's a good thing that I've unfollowed him now. He's on a party/festival holiday at the moment where I'm sure he will be actively 'hunting'. He did once quite proudly talk about getting a number of girls on a holiday that lasted just over a week in Eastern Europe. He even showed me how he numbered them on his phone. I really don't need to see his slew of 'conquests' on Facebook.

I feel like I need to find something to obsess over. Maybe some sort of novel series where I can get completely absorbed for weeks or even months. Or maybe start a project or go on an adventure. A long-term secondment sounds really attractive to me now actually. I did enjoy the expat life when I was working abroad about two years ago.

I know there's no way he's going to come after me. He would have done it long ago if he wanted to, considering how skilled he is at 'hunting'. When it comes to looks, I'm not nearly good enough for him anyway. I really, really need to just move on.

Sorry about this. I just really need to get this off my chest. I haven't come out to anyone and so don't have anyone to talk to about this, and it's become quite suffocating.