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Bestfriend to lover advice?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by thatguycladen, Aug 4, 2015.

  1. thatguycladen

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    Me and my best friend, who says he is straight, have known each other for almost a year now. We have been EXTREMELY close since we've met. It just seems as if everything clicks, we get each other, and are very comfortable around one another. I have to admit, when we first met, I didn't see him as someone I would want to be in a relationship with.
    As we got to really know each other and maybe 6-7 months in, I realized I really like him more than a friend. He always left it neutral about being with guys, just saying he never has experienced an attraction to guys compared to his attraction to girls yet has questioned his sexuality before but never went anywhere with it.

    So FINALLY, about a month ago, I amped up the courage to tell him how I was feeling. He said that he "never" suspected that I liked him more than friends and its just not something that he thought about. We talked for a long time about our feelings and I asked him what he thought about everything and he said if he had to give me an answer its just something he never thought about.

    Later that night over text, he told me that he can see himself with me emotionally, just sexually, he can't see it. I think about him all the time and I really wish I could put my mind to ease with the whole thing its just he never really gave me a SOLID yes or no.

    He still makes comments about girls every now and then but I just don't feel its legit sometimes.

    Any advice for my situation? Do you think he could/would change his mind? Is it worth me talking to him again about it?

    Thanks for any comments/advice you give!
     
  2. loveislove01

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    I have a personal experience story?
    I'm with my best friend, as girlfriends now, and one day, she mentioned something like, if I got married to her, we would make out at the wedding and creep the guests out or something. And she meant it in a very sweet way, but I found it gross. I'd fallen in love with her but hadn't liked the idea of doing anything. I admit, even though j initiated it, I felt bad after my first kiss with her...I just couldn't love females sexually. In my situation, it developed over time and now we are great and happy and I've accepted I felt that way and wouldn't yell at her for saying that, in fact, I've said worse. And now I am more sexually attracted to girls.
    Long story, but the point is, it could change, over time, and some people need a strong emotional bond to feel sexually attracted.
    Is it possible? Certainly. He must be overwhelmed and never thought about it before, so he couldn't give you a good answer then. He also likely needs time to think it through.

    And yes, if it means this much to you, do ask him again. He also may feel awkward bringing it up again (I'm sure you would too) but I think you should.

    And good luck.
    It's so cute when someone falls in love with a best friend.
     
  3. galpal

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    First of all, kudos for having the courage to confess - I know that feeling all too well..

    In fact I have been in the "in love with straight best friend" situation for 3 years... my thread here with some advice from others if you want to read.

    The difference between my situation and yours is that... me and best friend are very physically intimate (details are disclosed in my thread)... certainly thing you wouldnt do with a normal platonic friend... but as far as I'm aware she's as straight as when I first confessed to her, but I actually find this hard to believe now with how close we have become.

    Judging by your friends response about the emotional thing has left things open ended to the point where over some time things may swing your way... You're still early on in your friendship. Within my first year of friendship with my best friend we were close emotionally but all we did was hug... Now we do all kinds of intimate touching but I'm sure she will still say "I dont see you that way"

    Your guy maybe has "never thought about it" because he has never fully experience what it's like with another guy before. So perhaps he is curious... hence the open ended reply.

    I would casually ask about him, dont be all serious when you do talk about it as things could get awkward, keep your tone light and friendly like you're not really that bothered what he says.
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    I think it's important to understand how very close you can become to a friend. In the closest of friendships you can develop a very strong bond, with feelings that can reasonably be described as love. It sounds like your friend realises this and I imagine this...
    ... confirms what he is thinking. I think he has a clearer idea of where the boundary in your relationship lies, while the lines are somewhat more blurred for you.

    Will he change his mind? Maybe. It is possible that he might, but how long should you wait to see if it happens? My advice would be to not wait too long. You could become deeply invested in the idea and it will end up taking something away from your friendship with him, as you become more distracted by the idea of a romance and intimacy. Wouldn't that be a shame? Pursuing the matter with him could actually make things worse, so I would caution against that too.

    Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but a strong friendship can last a lifetime. Dedicate yourself to being the best friend that you can be and focus on what you already have. Maybe, in the future, he will change his mind and you can look at it then, but don't do anything to spoil what you have now.
     
  5. thatguycladen

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    LoveisLove01,

    I'm glad to hear a situation that has worked out. I appreciate your feedback your experience on the other side. Honestly, I feel that he will probably be with a couple more girls and then give me a chance. I really could see it happening. One of my concerns is that he won't love me the way that he loves girls, if that makes sense? Like do you feel AT ALL, honestly, that there is something that your girlfriend can't give you that a boy could? That's one of my thoughts right now as well with him being bicurious.

    Galpal,

    Thanks for your advice and comments as well. That's one thing, we have never gotten intimate. One time I felt he wanted to try something. But we had just came from a party and I had too many drinks and didn't even recognize it till I was sober... I'm scared to try to kiss him because I don't wanna make him uncomfortable and I can admit a fear of being rejected. Thanks for your thread link, I'll look it over for sure!

    PatrickUK,

    I love your outlook on the situation. I have taken that stance and really don't want to waste forever for one person. Where I am, there isn't many other guys on the market because most guys here are DL, so it's hard to actually get out there. I'm really going totry to get my mind off of looking at him in that way but it's REALLY hard right now