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Crush on attached guy - what to do?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by SoCalTrvr, Aug 8, 2015.

  1. SoCalTrvr

    Regular Member

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    So this story is a bit complicated, so bear with me. About 7 years ago I met this guy off CL and it was mostly just a hookup. Nice guy, cute, etc. He liked me and said my photography inspired him to travel to Australia and other countries. But at that time I wasn't into dating or really pursing gay friends. So I kind of ignored his interest in me and we didn't meet up again. In retrospect this was a mistake.

    About 18 months ago I moved up to NorCal for a new job, but some time later made a trip back to down my hometown. I was on ******, and the afternoon I was leaving for NorCal the guy (I'll call James) IMd me. I quickly replied, as I remembered him as a very nice and cute guy. He wanted to meet, but I was going back home. I was actually thrilled he found and remembered me, since he was truly a super nice guy.

    We kept in touch for a couple of months and traded phone numbers. By this time I realized the move to NorCal was not ideal and wanted to relocate back to SoCal. He happened to be in NorCal on my birthday and we went out to dinner. Since I had first met James he had become a realtor, so I enlisted his services to find me a place in SoCal. So we regularly Skyped while talking about houses and areas to live in.

    Fast forward a bit, and I eventually moved down to SoCal and into a place that James found me. Probably 25-45% of the reason I moved back was to be closer to James (and other friends). He's also on other dating apps, and one profile stated he was single and not looking for a relationship. For months' we've been txting each other daily, and going out to lunch or dinner every couple of weeks.

    So I was finally ready to ask him out on a formal date. But I txt'd him asking if he wanted to come over to watch a movie and cuddle. He said he was up for a movie but was seeing someone and couldn't cuddle. I was shocked, given that we are also FB friends and never saw pics of him with someone and he never mentioned it. I was REALLY sad. It came out he had been seeing this guy for about 6 months which is roughly the time I started seriously thinking about relocating to SD but a couple of months after I had reconnected to James on ******.

    I feel James would be an awesome BF, as we always have a great time together. I know from prior chats that he was interested in me. Since he broke the news I've been a bit down, but we have had lunch since.

    I'm secretly hoping that something happens with his current BF so that he's back on the market. He did tell me I'm an awesome guy the other week. He's still regularly on the dating apps and still hasn't changed his profile to state he's seeing someone. So I'm questioning how solid it is.

    I have yet to meet another guy that comes close to James, and I'm now at that point in my life where I want to settle down with a BF. James would be an awesome partner. I'm having trouble finding quality dates in SoCal, and feeling a bit down about the whole situation.

    Should I tell James how I really feel about him? He's my only real gay friend, so I don't want to jeopardize that. But I think he know I like him since I often refer to him as 'cutie' or other affectionate names while txting. I'd like to think I can win him over by being a good friend...but I don't want to delude myself about what might happen.

    Thoughts? It's not easy to just 'move on' to other fish as I stated finding a decently cute guy in SoCal that wants to date is nearly impossible. At least online. So it's not like I have guys lined up that I can pick from for a BF. And I'm not getting any younger so I feel like there's a time pressure to find someone.
     
  2. Gravity

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    I'm not saying I can read James' mind, but from everything you've said, it might be a better idea to move on. He very well may help you feel special, and you may enjoy being around him, and that's great. :slight_smile:

    But, if he's been dating someone for 6 months, but is still active on other dating sites claiming to be single, and is accepting of the attention you are giving him (asking to cuddle and calling someone pet names is pretty unambiguous), I wouldn't make the assumption that he'll stop when you're in the boyfriend spot - and I don't get the impression that's something you'd be comfortable with.
     
  3. bookreader

    Regular Member

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    Yeah, just move on, if the guy's happy, then you should be happy for him. What happened in the past, happened in the past. This is life, you can't change anything, sadly.