Flirtatious friend plays both ways :/

Hi, I'll try keep it short.

So, this has been going on for a while now. I have a group of friends that, every week without fail, we meet up on Friday, stay at their house, and leave on Sunday. We smoke and drink on occasion.

One of my friends, who I consider my best friend, is very out-going and likes to be the centre of attention (which isn't a bad thing). Basically, I am deeply in love with him and everything about him. He's extremely attractive and very funny. He knows I am gay (I'm out to everybody) and it didn't change anything at all when I told him. Even his flirting.

Even before he knew I was gay, he always had a very flirtatious personality, touching, cuddling, spooning and talking about what we'd do together in bed as a joke. He playfully bites me, and if I get annoyed at him, he plays with my nipples and apologizes while making intense eye contact. I thought this would change when I came out, but it didn't.

Obviously, I loved it when he did stuff like that. I was in love with him before I came out and I am even more so now. Just this weekend gone, we stayed together all the time. We hugged together on the couch all day while our friends were around, they make the odd "gay" or "get a room" comment from time to time, but they seem fine with it. 2 of the group members are girls.

Very recently however, he seems to have fallen for one of our girl friends. Full on spooning, butt grabbing, and all the stuff he does with me. I am not jealous of her, she is my friend, but it hurts so god damn much. Every Sunday when they leave my house I cry because, although it's been a fantastic weekend, I just can't get over him.

He's said many times he isn't gay, and we actually haven't done anything. The most intimate moment we have shared is spooning in boxers and I'm sure he got a boner. But now, as I am in my bed upstairs, he's opted more and more to sleep on the sofa downstairs with said girl. It hurts to imagine what they could do.

This is VERY bad of me, and I wish I hadn't have done it, but I checked his text messages with the girl. (I know his password and he doesn't care, so I broke his trust).
I only managed to get a few glimpses, as we were stoned and they were right infront of me, but I figured their intoxicated state would buy me some time. He flirts heavily with her on text, more so than me with his "I luv u xoxox" and "you can come round mine if you're down " type of stuff. I saw "so what? we're 16 and have protection, we can do what we want" and I almost cried.

I do not know what to do. If he is in a sexual relationship with the girl, then why does he continue to act like this with me. Like, he spilled some ash on his groin area and asked me to wipe it off with my fingers so I did. I don't see it as fair on either of us, because I know she likes him too, I check her sometimes when he's flirting with me and she looks annoyed, but I dont get annoyed at her when he does stuff, I just get sad because I love him.

It's really getting me down. I can't go to him as I'm scared it will damage the friendship. I can't really go to the girl, it just wouldn't seem right. And all my other friends are outside this friendship circle and so don't really care when I try and explain, as I have mentioned it far too much to them.

Please offer advice on how to handle the situation and answer perhaps what might actually be going through his head. :/

 

Thanks for getting back.

I know what you mean by saying I have to brush off the flirting, but it's so hard.
He's extremely persistent. It is a werid friendship when I come to think of it. I mean, we do everything together. Almost. If I do not let him wrap his legs around me or saying no to him wanting to play with my hair, he nips me and tickles me really hard until I stop and he gets what he wants.
I have bruises all on my inner thighs, back, sides and around my nipples, he goes for them a lot.

Another thing happened just yesterday. He was doing his usual crap with me, and I heard the girl whisper something to him, though I couldn't quite make it out. He replied, loudly, "you said you wouldn't say anything when I do this." I noticed and asked "What? What exactly does that mean?" His repose was to rest his led on his "girlfriend's" lap, and then tickle me with his foot. I then went on to said "I'm not stupid, I know what you asked her to do." I guessed from his response to her whisper, he had said to not say anything or try stop him flirting with me.

I think that's extremely unfair.

Another thing happened 2 hours before I wrote this, as I lay on his girlfriends couch I am typing this.
We ordered a take away, normally, he asks me to go through his bag and get the money for him. But today he insisted he checked. As looking for the money, he pulled out a condom packet, and I caught but a glimpse for a short moment, and I could see him looking out trying to act inconspicuous, to see if I noticed.
He often leaves hints, I once said my fingers smell like weed. His reply: "my smell too" and winked at me making a 'poking' gesture. He too was laying on her lap when he did that.

As you can imagine, I'm rather depressed about it all. It's the first and last thing on my mind. I believe they're going to have sex tonight while I'm in the living room below and it just feels like hell. I need to get out of this situation but I really don't want to explain my feelings for him, as I did something similar with a previous experience and that ruined everything with them. You can understand my hesitant manner.

Please reply

 

You guys are right, I obviously need to do something about it, it's just finding the right situation and way to do so.

When I look at it all from a disembodied point of view, he really is a "fuck boi". He often flirts with lots of people in the corridor at school, and his good looks permit the behaviour because it seems that's everyone wants a bit of him, I'm just unfortunately someone he does it with more than most.

Which is why I'm finding it so hard to move on or do something about the situation, because I honestly believe he might be bisexual. Or something.

He's currently on a summer group project type of thing and one of the tasks was to do CPR. Later in the evening back at his girlfriends house in front of everybody he asked to do CPR on me and I really just couldn't refuse and I feel really ashamedand angry by it. His lips were just... ugh.

Later I was sat at the edge of the sofa and he was on the floor, sat up between my legs. I had my hands covering my groin as he went to rest his head there, but when he noticed the hands were there, he hit them with his head to make me move them, then he rested directly onto my groin. Like, do straight guys show their friends how to do CPR and rest their head on their best friends penis?

I really love the girl he's with but I can't help myself and I know I should be stronger than this :bang:

 

I appreciate your kindness a out the situation.
Just today the conversation kind of started, he immediately blamed me for attention seeking after showing him and his girlfriend my bruises.
I'm so hurt. There's so much more to say but I can't, I'm with them right now. This is a developing situation....

 

Okay, hi again.

A lot had happened since that last time I updated you on my situation.

So, sometime last week I was talking to a not to close friend of mine and the conversation got on to about him. It's obvious to many others that there is something between the guy and I, so much so his family believes we are having sex and half the school fully believes we are boyfriends. When I ask him about he says he doesn't mind and is happy that "at least they think I'm with the hottest and smartest person in the school"
So anyway, he asked if I liked him, and this person, despite been distant I knew I could trust so I told him. He then advised me on several options, including talking to him. However, the person I like (let's call him Jack) used to be friends with him around 3 years ago through a common class. He told me that one day, Jack came up to him and said he was gay and was cinsider ingredients telling his friends. When the subject was brought up again, Jack apparently said "I changed my mind".

This weekend we had our usual meet up. Friday was uneventful, however Saturday he insisted that he had the bed with me rather than his girlfriend. She was fine with that, as they'd been arguing for some of the week. When we were all rather tired, Jack came and laid next to me, in a way that made my crotch touch his bottom, my arm wrapped around him and near his hair and my hand on his chest. And we just laid there, with me playing with his hair. The 2 girls were still up at this point, and they asked for us to get up, and all jack replied wad "all I can picture in my head is channing tatum naked right now..." which I personally thought was a bit 'gay' of him.

The 2 girls disappeared upstairs leaving us on the spacious couch, where we got even closer now alone and took off our shirts and just stroked each others bodies. At one point, I was looking at him face to face with his eyes closed and he started making kissing gestures with his lips. He got closer and I pulled away and just put my head on his chest, I didn't want to be the reason for them splitting up.

We awoke the next morning still intimately close and half naked. His girlfriend found us like that and said "I knew I should have let you sleep together." We assured her nothing happened and its okay.

So, basically I think there is more evidence to suggest that he is inclined to like guys. If I had kissed him I don't know how much further it could have gone.
any suggestions / advice!?

Thanks

---------- Post added 23rd Aug 2015 at 02:07 PM ----------

Correction "I knew I shouldnt have let you sleep together."*

 

Hey.

I forgot to mention a few things, but in response to the last post, I refuse to do anything about talking to him about how we both feel until this "fling" of his is over. I do not want to be the one to ruin potentially 2 friendships over my desores and possibly his. But how long this will continue, I do not know.

Okay, what I forgot.
After last weekends meet up, on the Sunday, Jack and I were walking through town alone. I brought up conversation saying that I'm going to try and find a boyfriend, rather than just have the odd sexual encounter (which he always gets annoyed about when I tell him I've had another).
His reponce was that "you've tried before, why now?" And I didn't answer I just shrugged it off.

So, later midweek I downloaded several gay dating / meet up apps and got talking to locals.
the Friday evening we all met up, Jack goes on my phone as usual. He notices notifications from these apps and when I get up to go to the toilet, he follows me and confronts me. "You were serious then?" I reply simply yes, and how I'm just tired of been single.
"Oh... wow, well good luck man" and he winked at me, followed by "take pictures" as I go to the bathroom.

When I return, he's sat away from his girlfriend and when I sat down he quite literally through himself onto me and just laid there. Throughout the night he kept on doing weird things, like he came up with a rhyme and said rather camply "Jack is bent, Jack is bent, jacks arse is up for rent" and then took my finger and licked it.

So yeh, that's what I forgot to add (stupid me), and it's just hopefully more stuff for you guys to use to deduce and come up with suggestions. Recently I get a strong feeling, added with what others have said, that he definetly isn't 100% straight, but I won't dare to make a move while he's in a supposidly happy relationship.

Thanks again, these are confusing and frustrating times

 

I got spontaneous.

I was messaging him today on the train home, and the conversation came to him not been able to come on Xbox after 21:30. I knew instantly his girlfriend was coming up, and I didn't humour the conversation further. Instead I asked if his phone is charged and he is avaliable to speak.

After joking about me giving him "the talk" he asked what was actually up.
"Bro, I'm in love with you."
His first reaction was typical.
"You wanna start sending boxer pics , I'll ask if she's up for a 3 way, I swing both ways".
I told him to be serious, and then he said "Okay I don't, what's up really"?

After convincing him I was telling the truth he didn't know exactly what to say. He assured me nothing between us would change, and then he got really soppy about how quickly we became friends and how close we got. I explained that because of them reasons I couldn't help but fall in love no matter how much I tried.

"Bro, I'm not the one. I'm flattered and all, and I'm happy you feel that way towards me kind of, but it's a wasted effort. I love you as a best friend, that's it. I'm sorry for how you feel, and how it obviously hurts you seeing me with her, but like you said, you can't help who you like."

That was a simplified summary of the collective messages he sent, he sent them in a much structured and meaningful way. At this point we called each other and we cried to each other over the phone. He truly does love me, just platonically.
He said on his own terms with no prompting from me that he will cut down with his girlfriend around me, and also stop the stuff with me to "ease me off".

He couldn't have taken it any better, and I'm really happy he took it so well. It's just the feeling of rejection and coming to terms with not spending my life with him that is going to hurt now.

Thank you all (*hug*)