I just don't know what to think anymore. I've never felt close to my mother and I've never particularly "loved" my mother is more like caring for her. I'm so similar to my mother in that I don't let people give me crap or talk down to me. I always defend myself and show little to no mercy to the aggressor. My mom and I are almost always clashing, and whenever we do she always pulls the "you owe me your life and I've bought you all that you've needed" thing. She just doesn't seem to understand that I don't like being outside much because I get really bad social anxiety and whenever I say that I don't want to go she gives me crap. Then today she just said "you're depressed because you don't believe in god" and needless to say that was nothing but a pathetic attempt to prove a point. She doesn't know why I'm depressed (gender dysphoria) nor do I trust her enough to tell her. I'm sorry is this is all over the place but I just can't anymore. I'm tired of her and I'm tired of my siblings saying "you have to be patient with her" or "you have to respect her and love her because she's our mother" and my perspective is "no bullshit, I don't have to if she doesn't respect me first and she just demands respect because she gave birth to me." :help:
I understand. I clash with my father all the time (although for completely asinine reasons). I think that the problem lies in no trust between either of you. You need to get her to understand that in order to give her respect, she needs to give you equal respect. It should be mutual. Maybe you could also start earning respect as well by giving in from time to time. It's a pain, yes, but stubbornness will get you nowhere. I should know, I've been in this situation countless times. Being stubborn only makes it worse and worse. Once you start getting on better terms, you'll be able to find a good time to finally come out to your family. It would also be useful in the long run to channel your courage against aggressors into battling your social anxiety. I hope my words were in some way meaningful to your situation. I give you my condolences and hope that it all works out for you in the end.
