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My straight best friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Isaacian, Aug 9, 2015.

  1. Isaacian

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    Hey, I'm new here and in need of some help.

    So, I've had a massive crush on my best friend for like two years now. Only one of my friends knows about this and while their advice and support is helpful I figured I'd get better advice on here. Anyway, my best friend is one of the most amazing people and when ever he messages me or talks to me or simply laughs at one of my jokes it's like my heart skips a beat. I get so happy when I'm with him and just love talking to him. But that's one of the biggest problems, I don't want to feel that way. I don't want to have any romantic feelings for him so that I'm not awkward around him. Recently I've started to try and distance myself from him and point out all his negative features to try and fall out of love with him I guess. But it's not working out too well.. I played games with him for about three hours today and I can't stop thinking about it and how much I just love spending time with him. So I guess I'm trying to get over this crush and need some advice on how to do so. Also I don't think coming out to him would be a great idea, I think he may try to avoid me if he knew, mainly because I always say things like "love ya" when I say bye or grabbing his hand and skipping at random times. I guess it's a bromance sort of thing but part of me wants it to be more than that and the other wants to just ignore that sort of thing. Urg
     
  2. Srafikitty123

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    I had exactly the same problem! I was in love with my best friend who is a girl, but she is straighter than a board, and I had a lot of trouble getting over it. What worked for me is trying to look to other people to get to know and to date. Telling him is an option, and if he doesn't accept it, then sorry, but he isn't a great friend. Just try talking to him about it, but don't suggest that you like him, but tell him you're gay, and try to look the other way... I know easier said than done, but honestly, it worked for me.
     
  3. ConfusedguyZZ

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    Well I was in the same situation as you, I tried to get distance from my best friend but it didn't work, I wanted to be with him.. So in the end , because of my depression, I said the truth to him and he accepted its ok he hasnt problem that I love him, but he didnt want relationship with me, he had already a girlfriend, so I dont think I can help giving you advices about getting over the crush for your best friend
     
  4. Schloss

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    While none of us know how he will react, we can give you several scenarios.

    You tell him that you have to talk about something serious, and that you still want to maintain the friendship no matter what. You tell him "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable in any way, but since you're my good friend, I feel I can trust you with this". Now would be your chance to come out. There's really only two reactions: a positive reaction, or a negative reaction. If he gives no reaction, I would personally consider it a negative reaction. If he says "he doesn't care if you're gay", that's a positive one.

    If he gives you a positive reaction and he's straight: I really want to advise you on something, as hard as it is, please don't try and convince him to be involved with you romantically, it might harm the friendship.

    If he gives you a negative reaction, I'm gonna tell you up front that it's going to hurt, but you have to be emotionally prepared for it. Prepare yourself by knowing that you might get hurt, but did so just to be honest anyway. I would not try to re-establish contact with him if he gives you a negative reaction.

    I hope this helps in some way, please do update us if you do decide to do anything about it. Hugs...
     
  5. dopplershift94

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    I had the same issue. I had a crush on a friend and a coworker.

    I tried doing the same thing you did. I hated myself for having feelings for him.

    I tried avoiding him, I tried finding every flaw of his to make me not want to date him, and none of that worked. So what did I do? I told him one night after work how I felt.

    I was scared telling him, but I'm glad I did. He didn't feel the same way obviously, but he was flattered, and after that I got over him because I got closure knowing that he didn't feel the same way. Part of me (although I assumed he was straight), always wondered "what if he does feel the same way", and that's what kept me chasing after him, but once I knew for sure, I moved on. Even after telling him, it took awhile to move on, but I started seeing other guys and I got over him.

    Good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  6. Jeffreycominout

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    Try meeting other guys. I know this is difficult, but try & see what works best for you.
     
  7. brainwashed

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    I second the above. Good material.
     
  8. Isaacian

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    Thanks to everyone, it's all been very helpful.
     
  9. MissxVenom1991

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    I wish I could tell my crush that I like her but I think she's enjoying the single life
     
  10. lovetoomuch

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    My story sounds exactly the same. I had feelings for a friend I was not very close with and I tried everything to get over him. I ended up realizing the only way to move on was to tell him my feelings and get rejected.

    I told him and he obviously did not reciprocate feelings, but he was flattered, very accepting, and did not judge me. I am not going to lie, feelings still linger for him (I probably can't move on since I'm in the closet, so I don't have the opportunity to date other people). However, whenever I think about him, I can be realistic and know I don't have a chance. Also, the crush has died down a lot and I feel much better about the situation.

    Hope you find some closure, whether it be a relationship or a friendship that continues.