My boyfriend and I have been having some trouble lately. We're going to be moving in together soon but there has been some serious strain on our relationship and I'm worried that moving in together will increase that strain which is already there. One of the big issues he has is my tendency to flirt and look at other guys. I don't blame him for this as very early in our relationship I cheated on him. It was a very messy time but we worked through it and I'm very grateful that he forgave me. We'll have been together four years in November and I don't want to be a screw up anymore when it comes to our relationship. Basically I'm asking how do I rein in my behaviour when it comes to flirting and looking?
The best advice I have is to be totally honest with him. Explain that you understand why, your feelings, and let him know it's something that you want to discuss. I was on the receiving end of cheating in a relationship, and I do know that it is a scar that can come up again during periods of stress. He may not even realize that he's doing it that much, or realize that it's something that bothers you. Good luck! I hope things go well
One thing I'd suggest you ask yourself is why you are flirting and looking. Are you satisfied in your relationship, or are you looking for more? Is it in your nature to be flirtatious? Once you know why it's happening, you can start to fix it. If it's because you want something more, then you need to discuss that with your boyfriend. If it's because it's just in your nature and you're not actually seeking something from them, then with some time and effort you can fix that by recognising when you are doing it and stopping yourself before it happens.
Flirting by definition is to show sexual interest. I've been in the shoes your boyfriend is in. It's NOT a comfortable place to be. If you love him, and flirting really means nothing to you, reign it in. If you can't, and that's just who you are, tell him and let him make the decision that's best for him. Being cheated on and or lied to is a seriously deep would that can reopen without provocation. No need to walk around with a scalpel in your hands.
do you flirt or look at your boyfriend? why not flirt more and look at him more. maybe it would satisfy your desire to flirt and look. does he like to be flirted with?
If you've decided to make a commitment - the most logical thing to do would be to commit to it, as the word implies. If you both trusted each other, there would be no harm in you casually flirting and going out with other guys (within your own definition of boundaries). But if you don't trust each other, then he'll always suspect that you're up to something. If he's acting overly suspicious, I am guessing he doesn't trust you much. If you really care for this relationship and this individual, you need to focus on developing the trust first and foremost. Everything can be worked out after that. I really wish you the best of luck in this, I'm sure it won't be easy though!
