Hey everyone. I hope you're doing great and you're willing to give me some advice I'm coming from very homophobic surroundings and I'm outed to my parents and one close friend. Fiend of mine reacted so normal and actually supported me, but when I told the truth to my parents they were shocked, tense and full of misunderstanding. They were in deep depression for nearly two months, and I was very sad for that. They told me that I ruined their life, they only waiting the day they will be dead and also banned me to come out to anyone else. They think that I just imagined things in my head, tried to force me to find girlfriend, they found private psychiatrist (but that didn't help because that woman just told them that there's nothing wrong with me, but they are stubborn and refuse science and facts, they're just leading majority, and majority here thinks that being LGBT is a sin and disease), and also yelling on me because of my expression (which is feminine). Now, one month passed from our last conflict and I tried to be relaxed and avoid to speak to them about my sexuality. But I'm just feeling a need to come out to someone, maybe my brother, but parents especially insisted that he can't know that i'm gay, because I'll ruin his life too and he will never find girlfriend and friends because of his gay brother (WOW). I really started to think that my parents will never accept me for who I am. It also bothering me when other friends and family speaking with me about "straight jobs" and I must pretend about that and show expected masculinity, witch make me so uncomfortable and embarrassed... What would you do in this situation?
My parents are also quite conservative, so I understand where you're coming from. I'm not going to come out to them until much, much later. If I were you, I would just drop the issue for a bit, as far as your parents are concerned. Try not to bring up your sexuality in the house as much. It might hurt to hide and pretend, but it's for your own safety at this point. I would also tell maybe one or two close friends (without your parents knowing), so that you have someone to talk to when you need support. You could also try telling a family member who isn't homophobic. Good luck! Hopefully you get them to understand
I wish I could give an answer with certainty but yours is a very hard situation. First of all I'd like to offer my sympathies to you predicament (*hug*) it's just a reminder that we still have a lot of hurdles to go through for acceptance. As with your parents it sounds like they grew up with a traditional mindset which I believe is common in the former soviet states, hence with states like Russia who openly display their homophobia. At this point I think what you are doing is appropriate. Don't force your sexuality on them all at once. Try do it in increments so as to build up their tolerance and eventual acceptance. Try to be an example and now fall into what they define as gay stereotypes. Show them that gay men are good, that you are good. Show them having a gay son does not have to change everything after all our sexuality is but one part of our being. Try to gauge between your two parents who is likely to be more open and willing to talk about your homosexuality. Perhaps you can start with him/her and warm him/her up to the idea. If in the occasion one parent finally accepts that you are gay then perhaps he/she can help you with the other parent. As with your brother try to gauge his views on homosexuals. Don't blurt out that you're gay right away because he might turn out to have the same sentiments as your parents. Try to casually mention to him gay issues and assess his response. If he responds negatively you might want to back down. But if he responds positively try telling him about a gay friend (can be imaginary). Again gauge his response. If it's in the positive ask him hypothetical questions like what would he do if he had a friend who came out to him. If its again positive ask what if he had a gay brother. Your move thread carefully. As for being out to the general public. I am torn between standing proud to be gay and fearing for your safety in general. After all we have heard stories of violence against gay men in the former Soviet States. With this in mind you can try out the approach that I have mentioned in regards to your brother, and try it out with TRUSTED friends. We don't want anything bad happening to you. And an untrustworthy friend might end up spreading rumors about you. One note though what do they actually define as "straight jobs" vs "gay jobs"? Also you can always find acceptance here
Until you're confident that you'd be able to live your own life without their support (financial, housing etc..), it wouldn't be advisable to break their rules.
Thanks guys for advice, all of you're right. It's better to wait until my parents accept it, or eventually until I start to live the life of my own. I guess I can confess my feelings to one of my friends/family, If I estimate that the person I'm coming out is ready to accept it. And, I said "straight jobs" meaning everything conservative, associated with certain gender and its role/expression.
Samehere, I know this thread is old, however, I didn't know that being gay will rub off on your brother. Jez, if that is the case, I wonder if TG does the saw me. I hope you and your brother talk and I hope your parents will get their s**t together. My mom and dad knows that I love girls clothing (I am in a pale green polo shirt and a skirt.) Anyway, being gay is not the end of the world. If your parents are afraid that they wont have grandkids to spoil, you can adopt or soon, you or your bf could deliver. My sister, Liz, wants to have kids, but she'll need a uterus.
