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Need relationship advice. Bisexuals: Should I dump him and start dating girls?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Laura27, Aug 14, 2015.

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  1. Laura27

    Laura27
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
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    Out to everyone
    The reason why I turn to this forum is that I only have friends that I share with my boyfriend. Since hanging around here has helped me so much I decided to try to ask for advice.

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years now. I got infatuated by him since we have an intellectual connection, which I do not have with a lot of people. I'm pretty weird. We suffer from the same anxieties and insecurities, and have the same sense of humor, so it is easy to relate to each other. Since I have never experienced this click before with anyone else, I want to keep him as close to me as possible.

    But I am not giving my all to him. I have had doubts from the beginning. I came out of the closet as gay when I was 17 since I am only vaguely attracted to men and fully to women. I can get blown away by the sight of a beautiful girl, men do not do that to me ever. I notice that I want people to recognize my sexuality as non-straight (so I bring it up a little too much) and find myself CONSTANTLY thinking about attractive women. I am going completely insane by how hard it is not to focus on women and being gay :bang:

    It is so hard for me to logically come to a conclusion. My current relationship most certainly is okay. He is an angel and I will not easily find someone like that ever again, let alone a girl that is interested in me also. I am very afraid that if I take the leap and leave someone with such a beautiful mind, that I will end up with a girl that is nice and I love, but will be less compatible when it comes to personality, humor and understanding each other. I have never before dated a woman. The women that were interested in me I didn't like and vice versa. So I am quite scared.

    And yet I am thinking just a little too much about how much I wouldn't mind if he were a woman :icon_sad: I feel strangely out of place.

    But the other half of the time I love the fact that he keeps up with my weirdness and I feel so lucky to have found someone that I can communicate so easily with. I strongly suspect that leaving him means forever leaving the opportunity to share my life with someone as sensitive, understanding, funny and bright as he is.

    Advice from fellow bisexuals maybe?
     
    #1 Laura27, Aug 14, 2015
  2. Lin1

    Lin1
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    I think what you describe with that guy is a strong friendship and emotional connection but nothing more, you don't seem to fancy him sexually (or do you ?) and there is nothing wrong with that as you can't force yourself to but if you feel more attracted to girls then you should go for them. Yes, it may take a while to find the right one but I am sure you will eventually.


    The two of you deserve happiness, you deserve to be with someone you love and this guy deserve someone that will give him her whole and right now none of those needs are met.
    Don't let the limited experience you had with women scare you from dating them, you often need to go through a lots of 'toads' to find the right person, regardless of their sex, so just figure out if what you have with this guy is worth never being with a woman or vice versa. Good luck anyway and hope you find what to do.

    cheers x
     
    #2 Lin1, Aug 15, 2015
  3. gloomyra

    gloomyra
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    You say you have anxiety. I do too and I most definitely obsess over my sexuality. Instead of thinking about whether you prefer men or women, maybe focus on whether or not you find your boyfriend attractive? If you don't find him attractive, then yeah, you should probably date women. But if you find him attractive maybe you are just obsessing a little over the fact that you like women too, and haven't had a chance to date them?

    If you really like this guy, I'd say give it some more thought, and try to figure out your true feelings.
     
    #3 gloomyra, Aug 15, 2015
  4. CameOutSwinging

    CameOutSwinging
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    I'm actually in a pretty similar situation, except I'm a guy. I've almost always only dated girls but always had more of a sexual attraction to guys. I am now about to me married to a truly wonderful woman who I love and cherish as a friend...yet I can't help but think I am making a mistake.

    Yes I find her attractive. Yes I can have sex with her successfully (I need an emotional connection with a girl to have sex, but obviously we have that). But what if I'm just meant to be with men?
     
    #4 CameOutSwinging, Aug 19, 2015
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