Hey everyone. I'm in a relationship with a guy for almost one year and I'm very happy. Well, I was happy but since a few days/weeks something changed.. I love him but I don't like when he's touching me anymore. I don't know why.. maybe it's because I still can't find the courage to talk with him about my sexual orientaion and gender identity. It feels so wrong hiding such a big part from him but I'm not ready to talk about it. I'm scared about his reaction because he doesn't understand people who aren't cis or straight. He's not homophobic but he isn't supportive and understanding either.. He noticed that I act different in his presence.. for example that I don't want him to touch me and that I reject him when he does. I want to talk with him about this issue because I don't want to looose him. He's the most important person in my life and I don't know what I would do without him. But I never know what to say because I'm still unsure about the reason for my weird reactions. It's confusing me. I love him but I don't want him to touch me.. that doesn't make sense. Can someone help me please?
I think avoiding that more physical contact makes perfect sense, actually - you're uncomfortable around him because you feel like you can't come out to him, so you're withdrawing from other parts of the relationship as well. What I'm not hearing, though, is that you don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore, or that you don't care about him. So if you do want to, and you do care about him, then I think it might be worthwhile to think about opening up to him about this part of yourself. Clear some time for the two of you to sit down and have an honest conversation with each other, and be ready to hear what he thinks, as well as tell him how you're feeling. Of course the other route, if you really, truly, feel like you're not comfortable telling him and that he would take the news badly, is to be honest with yourself about your own capabilities and consider leaving the relationship. But, it sounds like you're currently in the place of assuming that you don't have the right or ability to talk to people about who you are, which isn't helpful either. Are you open to anyone else about your orientation/identity? If not, and you decide not to continue the relationship, I would suggest trying to find someone else to open up to.
Thanks for you reply. It was very helpful and I'm feeling better now. I don't really talk about my orientation/identity with other people. There are only a few people who know about it and I've met most of them on the Internet. It's easier for me to text with people about my orientation and identity than talking with someone about this topic.. I talked with my sister about my orientation and she was very understanding. But that's over a year ago and I'm not sure if she even thinks that I still identify as queer. I'm considering to talk with my boyfriend about my orientation. I hope that he accepts me the way I am.. however, I don't know what I'll do if he takes it badly.
Perhaps you could talk to your sister about this, then - if she was accepting before, she very likely will be again. No reason not to pool your resources. This is another reason that talking to someone else might help too. I suspect, and certainly hope, that if he cares for you, his reaction won't be as bad as you fear. But, if he were to take the news badly, you would have another person/other people to talk to, instead of being back on your own. Good luck!
