So...I've only been friends with her for a year, and when we first met I wasn't what would be considered 'talkative', but when we crossed paths we spoke and engaged in normal conversation. We were in the same business class, so we became quite well-acquainted there. Later, we were in a group together for a class project, and that's when we actually became friends. I don't recall being awkward and shy around her, or anytime soon following. Things really only began changing the following semester, when she came out as bi. The whole time I had known her, I just naturally assumed she was straight. She talked about guys, and she appeared pretty girly. I had always found her pretty and cool, but repressed any crush-related feelings towards her, assuming she was straight, and with the unfortunate, trauma-saving knowledge that straight crushes typically end horribly. After finding out that she was, in fact, actually a possibility, the repressed crush feelings I had for her resurfaced, and the next thing I knew, I had developed a massive crush on her. Usually, when I have a crush on people, I become quite awkward and unusually quiet, but with her, the fact that she was a possibility made it all the worse. I became crippling awkward, quiet, and maintaining eye contact was horrendously impossible. xD For a long while, I hoped that she might not notice these quite obvious changes, but one day, she made a comment to my brother saying that I was really awkward. When I asked her about it, she said, "No, no! It's a good awkward." I assumed her saying that it was a 'good awkward' was just a cover-up, and that she really just thought it was a bit odd and somewhat irritating. After that, I hopelessly tried to loosen up and actually act somewhat-normal around her, which eventually did happen, but some days more so than others. Unfortunately, after long breaks, I typically reverted back to being awkward and shy. -.- The worst part is that she thinks I'm straight, so I'm a little afraid that instead of thinking I have a crush on her, she thinks I come off as rude and that I dislike her. >.< I'm also afraid that if I do eventually tell her that I like her, it will ruin our friendship. Any advice? Thanks for taking the time to read my super-long agonizing troubles! xD
Maybe you could come out to her? She would likely be accepting. You never know, she could like you back.
I know that feeling well! Having a crush on (and then falling in love with) a close friend is really excruciating but bittersweet. The first time that happened I got infatuated with him tor ten months and eventually told him my feelings, we used to be close but after that we rarely talked, though we stil greet each other should we bump into each other. The second time that happened was with a really close friend and I came out after three months of limerence. He was really accepting and we became even closer and became best buddies. I can't guarantee which scenario nay occur to you or one that I had never experienced, still, she seems to be a great friend of yours and infatuation usually isn't going to ruin great friendship. Who knows, she may also hae the hots for you too. Another tip, though, should you never want to tell her. Try to develop a crush with someone you consider to have a greater chance to develop a romantic relationship with you. Best wishes and good luck Werbinich