Finding new friends when you can't be yourself

Hi there. I'm looking for advice on how to make friends when a person cannot be completely open about who they are.

I was born a female, and I have identified as a lesbian since I came out four years ago. Everyone is aware of this. My family isn't happy about it, but they grin and bear. My friends are wonderful about that. So, being a lesbian is not an issue.

The fact that I'm definitely gender fluid, possibly trans, is more than an agitator at this point.

Nobody in my life, no one, knows this. Not even my best friend.

I'm starting to make some connections online, which has helped, but I want to make friends as myself - as my male self. However, I'm stuck living with my family at the moment and I cannot tell them any of this. I've gone about in secret lately. Waiting until I have the house to myself to present as a male, just spend some time trying to get comfortable in my own skin.

Since this rarely happens with four people in this house, I can't walk out the door while I'm presenting as a male. They will see and it will not end well. I don't have a safe place where I can change into "male" clothes, binder, packing, makeup, etc. I want to make friends as a male, live that life - partly to see if I'm trans or not - and just have some meaningful and *truthful* relationships in my life.

I've met a few people in chat rooms and talked to some people here, which has been wonderful and really helped. I got a twitter as my male self and I'd like to maybe get a facebook to meet new friends there. But, since literally no one knows about me, I'd have 0 friends on there and wouldn't know where to start. And, of course, having people physically here would be ideal. I just don't know how to get the ball rolling.

Does anyone have any ideas or advice? I'd really appreciate it! Thanks!

 

Thanks so much for the advice!

I'm going to come out to my best friend soon, once things aren't so hectic around here. I think that she'll be completely supportive of it.

I think that it's just difficult since I'm still feeling my way through all of this. I worked a very long time to accept/come out as a lesbian, so it's really throwing me to feel more and more like a "straight" guy. I ran from the word "straight" so much as a woman.

So, I'm slowly easing into it - feeling like two different people right now - which is giving me the issue of finding supportive friends. It's like, "Who do I be?" or "How can I be both?"

First, I should probably figure out the answer to "Who am I?"

Again, thanks so much for the response. I really appreciate it.