I am a woman, married for over 10 years, have kids and have had a great life so far, minus ups and downs, but not much to complain about. Several months ago I told myself that it would be nice to have some kind of a change in life, something exciting and inspirational. Then I met this woman, a lesbian. It was all business matter - saw her for 2 days, couple hours each day and that's it. Never thought anything of it, then we had to communicate by text regarding some paperwork. I was in the car with my husband when I texted her detail that we preferred on papers, and my husband made a comment:"ok, she won't reply, you are being picky again". Somehow, his comment hit me at my core - had no idea why. As we were driving, all of a sudden I felt such a rush of emotions towards her, so intense that I was literally scared that my husband will know what I am feeling. I have never, ever felt anything as such towards anyone, let alone another woman. Since that day I have thought about this woman every single day for the last 4 months. The business matter went though, and we had to text each other occasionally. Each text I received and responded to has caused me tremendous excitement and at the same time pain of missing her. The texts were business, sometimes smileys, but mostly very short. I have gradually accepted the idea that I have very strong attraction for her, this woman. I've never been with another woman, and have no idea how this all can be. I did not see her for 3 months, then we moved to same area, and I ran into her. I could not stop looking into her eyes, the entire world stopped and I did not care about little conversation we could come up with. Then I ran into her another day and she gave me a strong hug. Now I see her once in a while and each time the dynamics changes. Sometimes she is super serious, or ignores me, sometimes smiling, sometimes she gives me a hug. I am completely drawn to her for all her qualities, I completely adore her the way she is. I am also starting to feel less attraction to men, and noticing women. When I'm with my husband my mind is some place else. I don't feel attracted to him or stimulated in conversations with him. I feel like we have a partnership to happily take care of family matters. My life has been missing something. I feel that I've lived my life to finally get to this part of meeting her. Somehow I can't imagine living my life and not taking this chance. But since we only have casual conversations that are very short, I don't eve know what chance I have.. She knows I am married and is probably intimidated by the situation. Sometimes I feel like she really likes me, sometimes I feel as if she doesn't care.. One time she did say she loves me ( as a person ) twice in one conversation. One time she gave me a ride and it was the most wonderful time with her up close talking and laughing. Once she gave me her phone to hold, I felt like this phone was emitting the most beautiful pleasant cotton candy fluff energy from her. I am not in lust, I think I am really in love with the way she is, the way she moves, the way she speaks, her personality, her eyes, you name it. She is masculine and feminine and she is absolutely beautifully gorgeous and sexy. I don't know how to approach her and if I should to let her know I would like to have lunch or dinner with her and have a real conversation. I would really prefer her to be the one to ask me but I realize she may be very cautious or not take me as worthy object of affection. Sometimes I do think that she adores me but hides it very well. Any thoughts? Anything constructive or even just a little encouragement is totally appreciated. Thank you..
