So il start from the start I moved into a new friend group and I met a guy lets call nathen (not real name) he had come out before as bi to the group 2 weeks later after I developed feelings for him a member of the group asked if I was gay I didn't know what to say and said yes. So nathen knows I'm gay at that point and he asks me a lot of questions about who I would like and that. Me being shy not mentioning him. So I discover other bi's that are female the come in late. At the school fate I invite nathen over and I had discovered we had a lot in common with each other and we have oral sex as sort of a friend with Benifit's thing not actually organizing anything. The next Monday the bi girl with our group suspected we did something and would not stop bothering us about it asking if we did something so nathen said we did oral . Not in front of the group but her reaction might of led the group on. From that point on nathen would not talk to me for 1 and a half weeks and he looked very depressed so I told him I like him over Facebook and he sent back "I'm not realy ready for a relationship I'm still getting over my last relationship at my last school but I still want to be friends" so that's when I decided to suggest friends with Benifit's and so that's what we are. It's mean over a term which is 10 weeks and I've noticed he has been fine at my place but when he is at school he sits away from people and looks depressed when I ask him what's wrong he says nothing. I really like him and want a boyfriend but I'm shy and don't know what to do. PLEASE HELP!
You may just need to give him some time. If he was in a bad relationship before he could not want anything right now. I would suggest not pestering him about it and giving him some space. Something you could do is invite him to go to the movies or out to lunch as a "friend" to try and warm him up to the idea of being more. He may go somewhere with you and then want to date you. I'd say give it some time, but if in the future he shows his feelings go for it! Good Luck! (*hug*)
Well, it would be pretty annoying if people started looking weirdly at you while they're thinking: "Oh, that's the guy who sucked another dude."
@shyboy123 I am sorry to hear that hun. Sometimes guys can be like that. They take risks because its exciting and go with the flow and then suddenly have some sort of epiphany. That is to say with each new, unfamiliar experience that they encounter, there come a point where the guy feel like he needs to sort it out for himself first before he can decide. Most of us are like that actually. It does sounds like he is in a different situation than before and he might be slightly taken aback. Most likely he feels he needs to slow down and figure things out for himself first before he could do anything. Most likely also there might be many doubts and questions in his mind now. I would try to just let him be and give him time to think things through. As for you, you have done your part as a friend. You have done what you can. It's really up to him now. I would be patient and just distract myself with other things. Watch a movie, workout or just have fun with other friends. Out of sight, out of mind. When he does appear to be more 'approachable', I would try to be understanding but at the same time be more aware and mentally and emotionally prepared for where this whole thing will be going. And really be honest and ask myself honest questions. What can I expect from him now? What does he expect from me now? Am I willing to accept the new changes in the long run? Will I truly feel happy and loved in the long run? Can I picture myself being happy with this person? Are both of us willing to talk and sort this out or is either side going to be pretend nothing happened? And am I willing to accept this outcome in the long run? These are just some food for thoughts I would ask myself if I was in your shoes. But as always that is just me. I hope things will turn out well and I would love to know more about the outcome. Do keep us updated if you can! Cheers Warmest Regards Ben
Thank you I get your points but it has been a while and we have still been doing things at my place and he seems find but at school he's depressed and avoids people I think he acts like he doesn't want people to think where in a relationship.
It does sound like he is being very cautious about the matter with other people. And I am afraid it is quite common for guys around this age. The identity, the labels, the expectations and stereotypes people impose on men. How they should behave. What happens if he behave differently. These may or may not be what he is struggling about. But ultimately, that is his choice if he decided to act in a certain way. I would still try to let him figure things out on his own accord. If he doesn't want to chill at school, then that is his choice. You did already offered help but he seems reluctant. I would try to hang out with other cliques and do my own thing. Hanging out and chill like bros outside school is fine as long as it doesn't emotionally or mentally frustrates you (because you really don't want to break down and push him further). However, I would not try anything sexual or intimate with him right now. He's in a vulnerable stage, figuring out this whole thing which happens to be confusing to him. It's for both yours and his own good because suggesting anything sexual would just push both into unclear boundaries and make things more complicated than it is. The thing in a mature and responsible relationship hun is that both sides knows what they are getting themselves into and knowing if both sides are in the same page. As well as whether both sides are willing to make an effort about it and mentally and emotionally ready to handle it. This is something we can only ask ourselves. Not him. He has to figure it out. If he asks (strictly only if he asks because you don't want to appear pushy), gently suggests these questions to him. Allow him some time to contemplate but try not to rush or expect much from his side. You have done your part hun. You have done your best. Be his friend but not sexually attach until everything is clear and boundaries are set. He needs to figure it out himself. If we tell him all this it will only push him further away. Guys are allergic to emotions like that. Try not to invest in anything emotionally, mentally and sexually until both sides are clear what is happening and where this whole thing will be going. Not to say you have to be mean or cold towards him. Be your normal self. Allow other things to flow accordingly. And from your side, you will also try to figure it all out. What is it that I really want from this whole thing so when time comes, you will know exactly what to expect and whether or not you still want to pursue this. Until then, just try to be cool about it. I hope this helps Ben
