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Summer Fling turning serious?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by nate16, Aug 24, 2015.

  1. nate16

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    Hey so I'm pretty new to the whole relationship thing. I'm 21 and in college. This summer I worked as a residential worker at a conference center for a few months. One of the other people I was working with ended up staying with me in a small apartment on campus. In short, he and I ended up having a summer fling. It was physical and emotional for both of us. He's just entering college, and we chatted on and off for a the few weeks before he left the job. We agreed that we we could definitely pick things up where we left off when we visit and see each other again. He's an hour and a half from my school, so it's completely doable.

    Now, my feelings :help: I identify as monogamous, and hold no qualms to other relationship types. My fling (we'll call him R), identifies similarly. I dont want want to hold him back from his college experience and believe that it wouldn't be fair to him or to me to put such restrictions on our current dynamic. I try and reassure myself that things will be fine and we'll maintain some connection (when we visit each other we'll be exclusive), etc, but the thought of him with other guys really sparks some intense jealousy in me. We had a long chat about how we felt about this, and he admitted to feeling similarly, but that it's important to accept that we dont own each other, which I agree with. For R, he really gets jealous in person (like is someone is really putting the moves on me in front of him). I can feel pretty jealous during both in person and with distance. The difficult part of this is that I know we'll both have no problem making connections with other people, I just dont want to lose the connection I have with him. If me or R were to get into a relationship with another person, I know that at least I would feel crushed, even if it were an open relationship. I'd honestly feel replaced.

    I guess I'm just unsure and scared. I dont want to be forgotten, but I also dont want to hold R or myself back. I'm trying to process this jealousy and I feel like I'm failing at it. I fear that he'll connect with someone else, and that will be that. I also feel that some people look at jealousy as just a horrible trait that needy and clingy people experience. It's all so confusing.

    As I said before, I'm so new to all this, and I feel clueless :bang: I would really appreciate some advice please. :help:

    *I should also add that from what I know about R, he struggles with maintaining communication sometimes. He's used to moving around a lot growing up, etc.*
     
  2. Gravity

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    If you're both feeling like you want to maintain the relationship in the long haul, and are both more inclined toward a monogamous relationship, then I say give it a shot. You're not freshmen (at 21), and you've both had a chance to have the "college experience." I wouldn't necessarily call it "holding someone back" to decide to commit to a situation that you expect to last beyond this academic year. I know many couples who at one point or another had to go through the long distance period and decided to wait it out, and now are the better for it.

    Of course, if one or both of you just aren't comfortable with the distance, and/or visiting during this time won't be practical and we're talking about a 9-month downtime (that, again, one or both of you aren't comfortable with), then it may be a different situation.

    Ultimately it sounds like the issue may not be quite settled. Talk to him again and tell him how you're feeling.
     
  3. nate16

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    The complication is that I've had the college experience. He's just entering as a freshman (at 19). Thank you though for the advice. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Gravity

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    Hope it helps! Good luck with things, and feel free to post more here of course. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Phioo

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    Oooooooooo :eusa_dancFlllllllllllllllllling:eusa_danc