OK I have this friend who I was sort of online dating but now I know dating him would not be healthy for me or for him because of several mental health issues he has. We have been talking for about a month and he mentioned several tragedies in his life and I tried to be of comfort to him and support him and also related my stories to him of tragedies i faced. I did realize thought he only could reflect on his problems and not mine and viewed himself as somebody no can relate to. He is in his thirties lives with his adoptive parents and had been a severe car accident that caused him brain damage and faced many other tragedies in his life. I don't know if all these tragedies actually happened or some of them are made up but I tried to be of comfort to him especially since his adoptive parents are emotionally abusive and so are other relatives. He also has no job and is on disability. There were several red flags in the last few weeks and even though he planned to meet me i backed out because it did not feel right at all and just nicely said let's get to know each better and go from there. He handled that fine but I knew his emotions lately were going down a very bad road and by Saturday he warned me he was going to his "dark place" and by Sunday he sent me his last erratic text messages and basically said to leave him alone. He had a lot of hopes and dreams he shared with me and yes it took me some questioning to get many truths out of him because things did not add up and i know I cannot trust this guy with anything and for the most part dating him would not be a good idea. He has not contacted me since he exploded at me over text and it is a bit unusual. I want to be of comfort and support but at the same time i know this is probably not a healthy situation to begin with and being associated with him is not worth much.I want to contact him but not sure if it is a good idea. No communication has been done since Sunday and maybe he thinks I am mad at him or whatever. Despite all of this I still care about him and worry about him and just wonder if I should make any kind of communication or not. I know this is not a joke being played on me because i done my research but i just don't know that to exactly do in this situation.
Hello! I must first say that it was very smart of you to not go through with this. Your safety should be your number 1 priority. You made a good decision. :eusa_clap However, if you do feel strongly for this person go through a few things first so you know that you can trust him. Steps: 1) Try to mend the relationship, you mentioned he was mad so this is the first thing to do. Just tell him your safety was a concern and if he doesn't understand that he was no good for you in the first place. :tantrum: 2) Ask for a picture, or even better a picture album of himself. If he can provide a picture, you know he's real. But anyone can Google a fake picture, so ask for multiple just to be sure he's legit. :icon_ques 3) If you are going to meet, meet in a public place and don't go anywhere with him that would isolate you. Make sure there is a witness. :icon_eek: 4) Make sure at least 2 people know where you're going, who you're going with, what time you should get back, and how to contact you if something goes wrong. :help: 5) Bring a method of self defense. This may sound excessive but rape and assault do exist. I would recommend pepper spray and/or a small retractable pocket knife. :bang: This is all, of course, if you feel comfortable with the situation. You could also maybe bring a friend with you. Again if you feel uncomfortable or threatened in any way, LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. I hope I could help! Please reply if you have any concerns. (*hug*)
Thanks for the advice but I for sure not meeting him now or in the next few months. This is more about whether i should contract him by text or not after he freaked out on me. I know his picture is real and I done all my research. Meeting him in person is not in the works right now or is the thought of even dating him. Wanted to clarify. This is just about texting him and if i should do so.
Oops! Sorry, I must have gotton the wrong message from this. If you really care about him you should text him and explain the situation. If he understands then I would continue talking to him.
No problem. Thanks. I am not sure i don't know the depth of his mental illness or how go about contacting him or even if he will ever contact me again. I just don't have the time to risk a bunch of angry text message from him but I might have to risk it and let it play it out. I will see.
When you identify a number of red flags in a relationship with someone - be it a romantic or platonic relationship - you need to pay close attention to your feelings about that person. If you have been lied to and it's been necessary for you to uncover truths about a person, you will always have questions in the back of your mind about them. In a well established relationship you might be able to get beyond that issue, but not when you hardly know someone. You can't trade off your own feelings and insecurities Dano. It's good of you to be considerate towards this guy and his mental health problems, but that doesn't alter any of the facts that you know about him. Exploding through text message after telling you that he will return to his "dark place" is actually rather manipulative and you would do well to avoid that trap. Your feelings are telling you something. Pay attention to them.
Thanks i appreciate your advice. I know i cannot play into this his games or fall into his traps and that engaging in a relationship with him would be very risky and most likely unhealthy. You can be compassionate and understanding of someone who has these kind of issues but it is not worth putting yourself at risk. There is no way i can trust this guy or anything like that. I am not into communicating with him and i am gonna follow my instincts not to communicate with him even just for awhile. But as far as a relationship that is not gonna happen and not the healthy thing to do.
