Hi everyone! I am fourteen, and I have been raised extremely religiously. My family attends church every Sunday, listens to worship music, I am forced to go to youth group events, etc. I am almost 100% sure that I am bisexual. I am extremely nervous for what my mother, little sister (ten, almost eleven) and the church community will do if I ever come out. While the type of Christianity we are is not the whole "damn you to hell!" kind of homophobic, there are many, many, many biaes and hatred towards gay, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, etc people. I even go to the church that a well known victim of cyberbullying based off sexuality attended (he later commited suicide, this was a few years back). My friends are also "creeped out" by lesbians and think bisexual people are just indecisive or attention seeking. They constantly make jokes about being gay or being bi. I am not sure what to do. I know that I can never come out to my friends or family without being shunned. I also have had severe symptoms of depression including suicidal thoughts for over two years, and I told my mother this back in March, and I told my school in August. Still, it has not been mentioned to me and I have not gotten the help I was promised. I mention this because I think it shows how little respect my mother has for me, and I know it will only diminish further with news of my sexuality. She certainly will not pay for my college education if I come out, and I want to go to a good school. I was wondering if anyone knew anything to do to help me. I'm scared and alone and I don't know what to do. I hope you all have a great day.
I'm very sorry you're going through this. Sadly, it's not uncommon so you're not alone. Millions of LGBT kids grow up feeling marginalised and oppressed. It's a tough and sad thing to experience, but millions of LGBT kids also grow up and take themselves out of that toxic world. Bear that in mind. Unfortunately you are growing up in an environment that doesn't support your feelings, but that doesn't mean your feelings are wrong. Also, please remember that the people who are making jokes are not bad people -- they are just a product of the homophobic environment they also grew up in. Bearing resentment towards them will bring more negativity into your mind, so try to see it from an "it's sad for them" perspective. I cannot promise you the next part of your journey will be easy. Unfortunately it takes a while before you can gain the freedoms to liberate yourself. You mentioned that you want to go to a good school; this is good planning for your future, and these are the things you should focus on. Stay strong and focus on doing anything you can to prepare yourself for how you will become independent. I don't say this meaning you should run away from your family and never see them again, but you should time your coming out to make it as easy on you as you can. Being self-sufficient will make it easier if you are able to distance yourself from potentially negative reactions. My final thoughts for you are that you should know it's okay to feel a little sad sometimes, as long as you know that it will pass and you will feel okay again soon. Try to nuture yourself and find support where you can. Know that you are not the first person to go through the journey you're going through and you won't be the last. There are other people out in the world who have survived what you are struggling with, so be one of those people. You are very welcome here, so any time you need a little support or need to share your feelings, please do return and let it out. I hope my words are able to help you in some way. Be strong and know you'll be okay. (*hug*)
You are not alone Queen. Many LBGT people grew up in your situation, including myself. Growing up I felt exactly like you. I was surrounded by religious people who were intolerant, narrow minded and down right mean. I felt isolated, alone and inadequate. It was tough, so I understand how you feel. I went through all of that. Today I have a full life. A career, a wife, a home...and I'm happy and content. I tell you that because you can have that too. The situation you are in is temporary and you seem mature for your age so recognize this. Your parent and the adults around you are limited. This is not about you, but it is about their limitations. Example. They chose not to follow through on getting you help, as that action would confirm there is a problem. Denial and ignoring problems is a very common coping mechanism for repressed and emotionally immature people. Be smart. You need to educate yourself, so if you know that coming out to your parents will hurt your chances of getting that education, don't tell them. You don't have to tell them, especially when you are confident their reaction will hurt you. Talk to supportive people you can trust to get through this. Your friends who criticize gays are immature imbeciles. Chance are they will regret their behavior one day. Ignore them There is nothing wrong with you. There is a lot wrong with your family and friends. Stay smart and manage your situation to set you up for a successful life. You will be fine. (*hug*)
I went through the same thing, QueenM. My family is also very religious, although they are traditional Jews instead of Christians. All I can say is, college is wonderful. In a few years, you'll be able to head out and go somewhere that is deeply accepting, somewhere where you won't have the pressure of an ultra-conservative environment. In the meantime, I'd suggest looking for pre-college programs outside of your hometown. Many of them offer financial aid, and they can get you away from what seems like a pretty repressive situation. Plus you can make queer friends, which are always nice to have, and these types of programs look good on college apps good luck with everything!
I am having a similar situation. I am also 14, growing up in a very religious family. My parents are slightly homophobic, or at least they definitly disapprove of the lgbt+ thing. I also think I am probably bisexual, and probably wont tell my parents if I am until I'm a bit older. I suggest you dont tell them until you have somewhere to go if you think they will kick you out. I've also felt kind of depressed the past few months, and i think I can relate to you fairly well. Just know that everyone here is there for you, and if you need to talk, you can message me anytime, seriously. I hope you have as a great day too.
