Confused about my feelings for my boyfriend

We have been together for almost 7 months now. I was very depressed and hopelesss before I met him. Since we started dating my moods got much better and I can say I am happy again, at least more then ever. But the problem is I am not sure if I love him. I surely have feelings for him and can't imagine to lose him but he doesn't turn me on sexually (just sometimes and only for a short time period). He is incredibly cute and I love cuddling, kissing with him, but just because it's nice and comfortable, it doesn't usually turn me on (he is always turned on almost just by looking at me).

We met online and we decided to date each other right on the first date after about a week of writing together. Maybe it was that mistake but I was desperate for being loved and I felt so much lonely. I hoped I can learn to truly love him as time passes.....it didn't really happen. I know I need him and can't be without him but when I am with him for too long he annoys me sometimes. About 2 months ago he noticed that I don't feel much excited when he is touching me and since this realization he has "depressed whiles" while we are not together and he writes me things like "should we stay together?" "I don't think you love me" "You don't want me" "and even "Should I break up with you or you with me?" then he says that he didn't meant it like it sounded. I don't know what to think. Also sometimes he says how much I meant to him and then he says he wouldn't mind if I found someone just for sex!

A few days ago my friend took me to the gay club and got very drunk....and one (hot) guy took an advantage of it there and started to dance and then kiss with me. It felt so great. I was excited just from kissing like it was the best thing in a life. Maybe it was just from drinking too much though. Then my friend pulled me away shouting at me what the hell I was thinking... I should probably feel guilty now but I don't really feel.

It's my first relationship ever and I don't know what to do...

 

Thanks for answering, you are right that we should have a hard talk together....in fact everytime we write with each other we agree we should talk...but when we are together, especially after these "darker moments", we feel happy and don't want to bother with problems.

He says my family is like his second family for him and I am sure he truly loves me... But sometimes he doesn't seem very sad about the possibility of a break up and he even suggested me to "experiment" with someone else. It makes me confused because I don't want to hurt him and I am not sure how he would react to a break up. I don't mind hurting myself but hurting him would be so evil and he doesn't deserve this.

I can't get why I am not totally crazy for him because he is handsome and he has such a great personality. I often say to myself "don't be stupid, you won't find a boy like him again". I feel so ungrateful. He accepts all my faults in apperiance and even my messed up mind. He tells me how beautiful etc. I keep saying him I don't deserve him.

Why I can't love him as he does? Why do I have to destroy everything good in my life?

 

Btw, should I tell him about the guy at the club?