My boyfriend of 2 years cheated on me multiple times. I was not aware until the last time he did it. I had a very strong feeling that he was not faithful to me so I asked him. He admitted that he had cheated on me 4 times at a bath house. The next morning I told him he needed to move out. It has now been 2 weeks since the break up. I was going to get tested for hiv and I asked if he wanted to go together [he said he wanted to "talk" to me so I thought this would be a good place]. When he went in for his results, he was taking a long time to come out. I got out in 2 min [negative]. It was to my disbelief that he tested positive. I was in complete shock. I got tested again with a different test and it was negative. He apologized and left. I don't know if I should keep talking to him to make sure he is ok or move on. My friends tell me that I should not talk to him at all. They tell me that I should be mad at him because he put my life at risk by cheating. I agree with them yet I am not mad. I just feel bad for him. I have to get tested again in 2 months to make sure I am still negative but I am worried. ..... So my question is, should I keep in contact with him? Are there any loyal guys at there? Sorry for the long rambling post. Thank you in advance (&&&)
Yikes; I really hope your future test also comes negative. I don't think getting mad at him is going to help you out in the long run. He made serious mistakes, but he has paid a high price for them. It seems reasonable to make sure he is okay, and you should do what you feel is comfortable for you personally, not what others say.
---------- Post added 29th Aug 2015 at 07:57 PM ---------- [/COLOR] I just feel sorry for him. I don't want to get back together with him but i feel like I should make sure he is ok. My test results came back negative but I'm still freaking out because I have to wait 2 month to get tested again. His cam back positive so I'm sure he feels worse than me.
Never listen to anyone who recommends that you hold anger or resentment inside of you. These are things that merely cloud our own clarity and ability to make peace with our lives. We always must find it within us to forgive. We simply can't allow ourselves to forget the things that have been done to us so that we can remember to never walk down those paths again. Sometimes we have to cut people out of our lives completely. Sometimes we only have to hold them at a distance. If you feel that you have already mourned this relationships and continuing to lend an ear to this person when they ask for one wouldn't be a challenge for you, then there is nothing wrong with doing so. The fact that you feel bad for him means that you are an empathetic person who can see past yourself. What he did to you was unforgivable and he should never be trusted with something as sacred as your trust or physical being again; however, that does not mean that you suddenly become heartless. Committing infidelity through very sleazy hookups in particular is a sign of deeper issues and the fact that this is the outcome of them certainly won't help whatever he seems to be struggling with. You are, however, not the savior of the people. You don't need to reach out to him. You don't need to hassle him into working towards a better lifestyle. It is only when he genuinely seems in need of someone to talk to and reaches out to you that I would concern myself. There are plenty of loyal guys out there, but you need to be loyal to yourself above all. At no point is there any benefit to stopping the use of protection. In fact, aside from STIs, there are an endless amount of bacteria that covers genitals and dwells in orifices that keeping up with those condoms can protect us from. Additionally, we want to make sure that we always foster a very direct and honest dynamic in our relationships. We should feel comfortable with confronting uncertainty anytime it arises. Good luck!
Thank you. I do feel like I have moved on from him, that is why I feel like being there. While texting yesterday he said he was planning on sleeping with people again. This dint hurt me because I still love him, it hurt me because he doesn't grasp the fact that he can infect someone at this time. I suggested that he wait until he gets his virals under control but he said a condom would do.....he used protection and got hiv, yet he isn't concerned about giving it to someone else. Now I'm just worried for other people.
There isn't much point in debating whether he used protection when contracting the virus because engaging in sexual activity in a bathhouse setting would pose a high risk regardless. Many people who engaging in "dark alley sex" will not become aware of their status for a long time or choose not to receive treatment. There viral loads could potentially be so high that contracting the virus via oral sex or kissing would be infinitely more likely than normal. All of these things aside, it is clear that this isn't an issue that he is choosing to learn form. At this point, if he reaches out to you again, it would be best to let him know that acting recklessly when it comes to the health of others is not something that you would even condone in a friend. You wish the best for him, but you cannot associate yourself with people who have gone further than simply hurting you, but have decided to bring potential harm to others as a result of acting on impulse. My advice was to lend an ear to him as long as you were comfortable with the situation; however, this is no longer a situation that any reasonable personal would be comfortable with.
Be the better man. Being HIV positive is still more or less a death sentence. So he is most likely at a pretty dark place atm. If I were in your shoes, I'd be very angry, yet I wouldn't stop supporting him.
From my point, you have a right to be mad at him as long as it doesn't take over you. I would also make sure he will be ok for a short term before cutting ties.
just wish he could grasp how serious this is. I still have to wait 2 months foe my results and he is willing to put someone else in my situation. I was not angry before but this is a big deal. He is putting others lives in jeapordy.
This is why cheating actually is a bad thing, it wouldn't be as horrible if the risks of contracting a disease were lower. I wouldn't talk to him at all. Did you use a condom when you guys had sex?
Just an update, I took an rna test and it came back negative ---------- Post added 5th Sep 2015 at 06:26 PM ---------- I hate that even though he put me through all of this, I still miss his company.
